It's Okay to Think about Ending (Heechul-centric)

[warmboys]

Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: Heechul/Hankyung, Heechul/Kyuhyun
Rating: PG-13 for language
Word Count: ~2,700
Summary: Heechul doesn’t react well to his Halloween plans getting foiled.
A/N: Written for the miracle halloween challenge! Original post here.

It's Okay to Think about Ending

Two weeks before Halloween, Heechul pokes his head into Hankyung’s room to confirm that they’re still on for the Disney princess and prince theme. “Remember, you agreed-“

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry,” Hankyung says hastily, eyes flitting upwards to meet Heechul’s for only a second. He’s folding laundry with his head cramped against his shoulder, a small cell phone tucked inbetween. He looks tired. And busy.

“Okay, well, just making sure,” he continues but trails off as Hankyung resumes his conversation in a whirlwind of Chinese monosyllables. For some reason the only sound that Heechul ever catches is “sh.” It always sounds like they’re shushing other people.

He stands at the doorway for an extended couple of seconds and listens to how expressive Hankyung can be in a language that’s not Korean. How his voice doesn’t match his face at the moment.

*

Heechul has a premonition that week and spends an anxious six days unaware of exactly how anxious he is. It’s like an elusive itch. On the sixth night, Hankyung breaks it to him. “I can’t do it. Sorry.”

“Do what?” He asks, although by now he’s pretty sure he knows.

“Halloween. My friend will be in town, and I have to show them around.”

“Your friend from China?” Heechul asks, although it’s the genderless “them” that’s reverberating in his head. “I mean, you don’t have any friends here besides me, so-“

“Yeah. It’s her first time visiting Seoul. So I want to show her a good time. By the way, know any good restaurants around?”

Heechul rattles a couple names off the top of his head and within moments Hankyung is out the door without so much as a thank you. Too sudden for him to even throw a bitch fit. Something wavering between anger and disappointment settles in slowly. They’ve had these plans for ages-god. They did this every year, and this year was supposed to be Snow White. It was like their thing. Now he had to scrap his whole costume because going as Snow White stag, without a prince or even dwarves, was a shit idea. In fact the whole concept of Halloween was a shit idea. Why would anyone want to dress up like someone else for a day? What was up with all the goddamn insecurity in the world? People should just dress up how they like every day.

*

Hankyung brings over his friend to meet everyone four days later, and she’s a sweet girl with pale skin and crooked teeth. The way he holds her hand while leading her into the different rooms tells everyone she’s not just a childhood friend. Sungmin exchanges a knowing smile with Shindong over the kitchen table.

“Where is Heechul?” Hankyung asks after he’s given her a grand tour of the place. “Xi Che,” he explains to the girl. She nods, just as they hear the front door slam and shoes being taken off.

“That’s probably him,” Donghae says. “He said he was going shopping--”

“Hello! I’m Kim Heechul, nice to meet you.”

Shindong’s is the first jaw to drop. Even Kyuhyun, previously preoccupied with the game controller in front of the TV, stills his thumbs as he puts on pause and turns to see why everyone stopped talking.

It’s Heechul, but not Heechul. It’s Heechul in a red qipao with a thigh-high slit that bares a yard-long strip of waxed leg. His face has been powdered, his eyelashes curled, and his lips painted a light pink. His hair is not his hair; it’s brown and long, curling in at the ends like all the good girls do it. It’s unclear whether that’s blush on his cheeks or natural color from walking up twelve flights in heels.

“What? I know I look good,” he laughs, putting down his bags.

“It’s not Halloween yet, hyung,” Donghae says. “You went out like that?”

Heechul ignores Donghae’s question and focuses his gaze on the girl. She’s plain and not in a beautiful way. Her face at the moment manages an expression of simultaneous shock and delight. Heechul doesn’t know if he’s disappointed.

She whispers something into Hankyung’s ear. Her lips are chapped.

“Xiao Qiao says you’re prettier than most of the girls she knows,” Hankyung translates, confusion and amusement in his voice. Heechul keeps his eyes on the girl.

“Thanks. Tell her I hope she has a good time here.”

*

Hankyung doesn’t come home that night, but it’s not like Heechul notices. He’s too busy figuring out his new costume.

“Maybe I should be a grape,” he brainstorms aloud on the couch, in the dark. It’s 3:40 am.

“Is the diet-SHIT. FUCKING DIE-not working?” Kyuhyun asks, his eyes not leaving the television screen.

Heechul watches the little pixelated figures jump up and down and attack little other pixelated figures. “No, it is. I’ve already lost 2 kilograms. But walking up those stairs is a bitch.”

“Hrm.”

“I don’t know. I’ve never heard of anyone being a grape. It’s kind of artistic, you know? Anyone can be Lady Gaga or a slutty secretary or whatever, but let’s get back down to basics. Nature. Fruits.”

“Grapes.”

“Right.” Heechul shifts his position so that he is facing the younger boy now. But Kyuhyun doesn’t budge.

“Why not-SHIT. FUCK. DIE. DIE-a banana?”

“Too phallic. Some of our fans are still underage.”

“Okay.”

If Heechul could make out the clock in the dark, it would read 3:43 am. He wonders why he’s still up, thinking about grapes. He listens to Kyuhyun’s fingers hitting the controller making small clicky sounds and tries not to listen for anything else. Like footsteps approaching the door or a key turning in the lock.

He falls asleep on the couch this way, to the arrhythmia of random outbursts of profanity. He sleeps fitfully.

*

They’ve never talked about it, but he’s pretty sure Hankyung knows. He might be a foreigner, but he’s not stupid. You can only feign ignorance so many times.

“It’s not always for show,” Heechul said once. “When I kiss people, it means something.”

Hankyung had looked confused. “When you kissed Siwon onstage.”

“Well, not that it was Siwon. But it means something that…” that I’m kissing boys. “I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m going with this.”

“Me neither,” Hankyung admitted. “But then again, I never know with you.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Heechul asked in mock hurt, jabbing Hankyung in the ribs.

“No-no!” Hankyung laughed and tried to ward off Heechul’s pokes by clasping his wrists together with his own hands. “I like that our friendship is full of surprises.”

He had kissed him lightly on the nose, and Heechul had thought that the word “friendship” resembled a green lemon. Bitter.

*

Two days until Halloween and finally Hankyung comes home to pick up some clothes.

“Are you staying at her hotel?” Heechul asks casually, stirring sugar cubes into his coffee, black.

“Yeah. She doesn’t like to be alone. She’s… afraid of the dark.” The tiniest shadow of a smile tugging at his lips as soon as the words come out, but he catches it and pulls it back. Too late, because Heechul notices.

“Oh. Well, invite her over for Halloween, if you guys have… time,” Heechul offers.

Hankyung nods, swinging the duffel bag over his shoulder. He might as well be going off on a spirit quest.

After the door slams, Leeteuk, who has sitting quietly at the opposite end of the table, gives Heechul a meaningful look.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks sympathetically.

“Do you want to talk about Kangin?” Heechul shoots back and immediately wishes he didn’t. They sit the rest of breakfast in silence.

*

“I’m boycotting Halloween.”

It’s 4am. The side of Kyuhyun’s face, illuminated by light from his laptop, is uneven with bumps that Heechul can make out even from where he’s sitting.

This time there’s no cussing. “Why?” It’s a different game now, one that suspiciously resembles Solitaire.

“Because it’s a stupid idea. I don’t want to be a grape.”

“I thought you were going as Snow White with Hankyung-hyung?” Kyuhyun’s fingers are deft in moving cards from one end of the screen to the other. He drags the six of hearts down to cover the seven of clubs.

“That was before his mail-order bride from China arrived. Maybe they can be illegal immigrants for Halloween.” Venom spills out easily with the magnae.

Kyuhyun laughs. You can always tell with singers just by the way they laugh. “I like you, hyung.”

“Hey. You’re not allowed to say that,” Heechul warns.

“Why not?”

“Because it sounds condescending--hey. Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Laughing.”

Kyuhyun stops laughing. Heechul wishes some other people were as obedient. The thought strikes him as a bit absurd, and for that he starts laughing, too. It’s starts with a gargle in his throat, bubbling, and it’s contagious. Before they know it, they’re cracking up over each other on the couch, holding their stomachs as if in pain.

Dawn sneaks up on their sleeping bodies. Heechul’s head is tucked under the nook of Kyuhyun’s armpit, and sunlight enters the room slowly, touching their faces, their hair. Tentative golden fingers.

*

“I think I’m going to take her to Gwanghwamun Jip tomorrow,” Hankyung’s voice is thin through the cell phone. He sounds older and smaller than Heechul remembers. And happier.

“That sounds good,” Heechul responds. “The kimchi stew there is fantastic.”

“Yeah, we went there together before, right?”

“Yep. Two years ago.”

“Oh, was it that long ago?” There’s a smaller, tinnier voice in the background. “All right, I have to let you go now-maybe see you tomorrow? I’ll be back by next week.”

“Kay-“ Heechul begins, but the line is already dead.

*

“Hyung, hyung.” Heechul grimaces at the arm nudging him awake. He doesn’t remember falling asleep. “Hyung.”

It’s the magnae.

“What,” Heechul groans. “And what time is it.”

“I have an idea. It’s 3pm.”

Heechul rubs his eyes and waits as Kyuhyun comes into focus. They’re in Heechul’s room. Without asking, Kyuhyun sits down on his bed.

“You’re trespassing, so make it snappy,” Heechul warns. He’s never reacted well to being woken up, regardless of the time of day.

There’s that laugh again. “I have an idea about Halloween.”

“Halloween? What is that. I already forgot about Halloween.”

“You can still be Snow White,” Kyuhyun says.

Heechul starts. “Did the mail-order bride take an early flight home?”

“No.” There is a pause, and Heechul wonders if he just imagined Kyuhyun’s smile waver. “I was going to suggest-“

“Then forget it. I’m going back to bed. Get out of my room.”

He flops back onto his pillow and pulls the covers over his head. The bed bounces slightly when the weight of Kyuhyun’s body removes itself. He hears the magnae shuffle quietly out the door, and he wills himself to be tired and fall back asleep. Too bad it doesn’t work that way.

*

It’s October 31st and Heechul has a plan for the day. His plan involves breaking his non-alcohol vow. More like stomping over it with the power of a thousand elephants. His plan also involves watching The Grudge with the lights on and liveblogging it on his cyworld.

And Heebum. He can’t leave out Heebum.

Donghae’s going as a cactus. “I’m prickly,” he says gleefully.

“That means you’re not getting any tonight,” Eunhyuk warns. “No one wants to fuck a cactus.”

On the contrary, Heechul would say if he cared. Instead he takes a bite of his cereal and chews loudly.

*

Everyone leaves around 10pm and Heechul is shaving Heebum in the bathroom when he hears feet shuffling, shoes being flung around, and the front door finally slam. Finally the house is quiet. He’s the only one left.

He lights a few scented candles and blows them out. Definitely leaving the light on.

He pops open a bottle of soju, and the cap rolls around on the floor for a while before falling on its back with a clink. Heebum, not famous for making abrupt movements, surprises him by chasing after it. He watches him idly for a moment, suddenly filled with love for those furry little paws.

He slips the DVD into his laptop and takes a long swig from the bottle. It’s been so long, and it feels so good.

*

Halfway through the movie, just as Heechul’s had enough to reach his happy place, someone bursts through his door and scares the shit out of him.

“Oh. It’s you,” Heechul says, after recovering. “Aren’t you supposed to be out partying with the rest?”

Kyuhyun looks like he’s having trouble managing a shrug. “Nunas kept groping me.” He hiccups, and Heechul laughs.

“What are you watching?” He lowers himself to a sitting position but nearly falls into Heechul’s lap. Heechul raises an arm to support him. Fucking lightweight magnaes.

“Something that’ll make you shit your pants. Wanna join me?”

That’s how Kyuhyun’s head ends up on Heechul’s lap, Heechul’s hands in his hair, soft.

*

“So what was your idea?” Heechul asks, long after the movie ended. Now they’re just sitting in the dark, without even a television or laptop screen to provide the tiniest amount of light.

“Hrm?” Kyuhyun’s head is still on his lap, and he is still having difficulty formulating questions.

“Yesterday, when you woke me up.”

“Oh. It was nothingggg.”

Heechul stops. He realizes his hands have been stroking Kyuhyun’s hair for the past thirty minutes. He takes them away and crosses them over his chest but in the process elbows Kyuhyun in the nose.

“Ow.”

“Fuck, sorry. And about yesterday, too,” he adds casually.

“What about yesterdayyyy.”

“Sorry about yesterday. When I told you to get out.”

“Oh. Yeah, hyung. That was mean.”

Heechul frowns. “I already said sorry. Don’t make me regret it.”

Kyuhyun makes a muffled sound against his thigh and then squirms around. He’s trying to get up, Heechul realizes, and he extends an arm to help.

When Kyuhyun has finally stabilized to a sitting position, Heechul realizes that he has no idea where the magnae’s face is. It’s too dark.

But he can hear his voice. “I wasn’t hurt because I know that you are.”

Heechul doesn’t want to hear it, but he doesn’t have the strength to tell him to stop.

“I was going to offer to be Dopey.”

Heechul’s mind isn’t quick enough to make the connection, but then he does, and he starts laughing, idiotically. “What?”

“And Kangin-hyung could be Grumpy. Leeteuk-hyung could be Doc. Donghae-hyung… probably Sneezy.”

“You’re so fucking weird, kid,” Heechul starts, but a pair of hands appear at the sides of his face and hold him in place, and he feels warm breathing on his nose. He feels two hearts pounding, one faster than the other. The one that’s not his.

“I wasn’t being condescending when I said I liked you, hyung” comes Kyuhyun’s voice in a rush, so light, so endearingly uncertain. Heechul knows exactly how easily their lips could come together and how he would taste.

“I think. I think I knew,” he murmurs, leaning in. Tomorrow they could blame it on the soju.

But Kyuhyun’s head drops to his shoulder instead, and when he speaks he sounds like a different person, older. “But I know you don’t. You have someone else.”

“And he has someone else.”

“Yeah.”

They're quiet. The sound of Kyuhyun's shallow breathing hangs in the air.

“You know…” Heechul murmurs.

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes I fucking hate China.”

Kyuhyun laughs, his head bumping against Heechul’s shoulder. Heechul smiles sardonically, forgetting that no one can see it in the dark.

I started and finished this in a day and experienced a number of highs and lows throughout. Speed writing is hard, man. I would've liked to develop the Kyuchul relationship better.
Also! There's a typo in here somewhere, but my tired eyes at the moment can't seem to find it. XD