Delicate (Junhyung/Yoseob)

Dec 26, 2011 13:45

Delicate
Junhyung/Yoseob
~2900 words
PG-13

A remix/ruining of nautisch's awesome drabble, in which Junhyung turns into a unlikely girl. Original post here.


    Hyunseung was the only other one who seemed to give it any amount of thought. “I wonder what it was like.” He sat with his legs spread out in a careless V, one arm over his right knee, the other resting on the floor for support, and swept his gaze over Junhyung. He looked like he was about to say something stupid. “You know?”

    “No,” Junhyung said.

    “How did it disappear.”

    “Do you want me to beat you up?”

    “No, wait,” Hyunseung held up a hand. “Listen. How can a dick just disappear? One minute it’s there, the next minute it’s not.”

    Junhyung still wanted to beat him up, but Hyunseung was right. It bothered him, too.

    “Unless it happened gradually over the four hours that you were asleep. Gradually it shrunk and shrunk. Retreated into itself until it was . . .” Hyunseung looked up from the floor at Junhyung. “No more.”

    “I read before that we all had vaginas before we were born,” Dongwoon said, sliding into the space between the hyungs. “The female body is the default. So in a way, hyung, you’ve returned to your natural state.”

    The way Dongwoon said “vaginas” made them sound like plants.

    “The original human,” Hyunseung supplied.

    “Yeah,” Dongwoon said, nodding, and then turned to Junhyung. “Hey, can I see it again?”

    -

    “It’s an industry urban legend,” Doojoon said that night after the others had fallen asleep. Junhyung set down his pencil and cocked his head up towards Doojoon, who was standing over him.

    “Quit it, I’m tired.”

    “I’m serious, man.” Doojoon paused, like he wanted to laugh. He didn’t.

    Junhyung moved his notebook and Doojoon took a seat.

    “I told you it happened to Taec.”

    “That-I don’t even-“

    “It’s true.” Doojoon began to count off his fingers. “And Yoochun-sunbaenim. And I’m pretty sure Eunhyuk-hyung. Oh, and Chris Kirkpatrick from NSYNC.”

    “Who?”

    “The one that sounded like a girl.”

    “Oh that’s really-he wasn’t even a rapper.”

    “He’s American,” Doojoon said.

    “Okay, fine,” Junhyung said, because sometimes Doojoon wasn’t worth arguing with. “But what happened to them? They magically grew back dicks after a month?”

    Doojoon stared at the floor thoughtfully. “I think Eunhyuk-hyung took longer. He was kind of excited about the, uh, new assets.”

    “Wow. Super Junior’s pretty fucked up.” Junhyung rolled onto his back. The spine of the notebook dug into his neck, and he pulled it out to slide it across the room.

    Doojoon was looking at his chest.

    “When you’re lying on the floor like that, those really don’t resemble tits.”

    Junhyung quickly crossed his arms. “They aren’t tits.” He sighed, blew a strand of hair out of his face. “I just can’t believe this is happening to me. No. This isn’t really happening. I’m going to wake up, and then everything will be where it’s supposed to.”

    Doojoon punched his thigh. “Maybe it’s a good thing.”

    “How are you not worried?”

    “Oh, I am worried.” Doojoon got up. “But what are you going to tell Hara?”

    Junhyung stared at him.

    -

    The door clicked and everyone turned quickly to watch Junhyung take off his sneakers, slowly like he was removing his feet with them. One, then the other. Heel, then toe. When he looked up they pretended they hadn’t been watching. “You’re home, hyung,” Dongwoon said loudly, examining Junhyung’s face for a hand mark.

    “We broke up,” Junhyung said, shrugging out of his coat and hanging it up. He had been crying.

    “Shit,” Kikwang said.

    “What’d you say?” Hyunseung asked before Yoseob elbowed him.

    Yoseob got up to give Junhyung a massage but he was already halfway in the room. “I’m going to sleep. Wake me up when-don’t wake me up.”

    -

    It took him an hour to fall asleep. He tried sleeping on his stomach but it hurt a little. His chest was sore, and not in same way as being hit with a basketball or walking into a wall. He felt like a child again, growing at the kind of frantic pace that allowed you to sense your skin stretching, bones enlarging. But none of that was true. He wasn’t growing, only shifting.

    -

    The next two days they had off. The face Junhyung woke up to was soft and a little pudgy. He got up so fast they knocked heads.

    “Ow,” said Yoseob, rubbing his head.

    “Sorry. You scared me.”

    “Sorry,” Yoseob said but he didn’t look it. “Get out of bed so we can leave.”

    “What? I thought our schedules were cleared for the day.”

    “You and me. We’re going out.”

    With the right sunglasses and hat you really couldn’t tell what you were looking at. In the past week Junhyung had shrunken two or three centimeters, his shoulders narrower, hips widening, a new, supple curve about the waist where his jeans no longer fit right. Suddenly tight across the ass but too loose to button. A girl in boyfriend jeans, Yoseob thought. A midriff-baring top would’ve sealed the deal, but Junhyung picked out an oversized t-shirt, long enough to cover his new hips. He was wearing a thin white wifebeater. When he slouched the neckline sunk low and allowed Yoseob a clear view of Junhyung’s swollen breasts. They resembled the small mounds of flour that his mother would knead into scallion pancakes.

    “Stop perving.” Junhyung pulled the t-shirt over his head. “I expected more from you.”

    Yoseob coughed. “It’s just weird.”

    “You think?”

    “No, I mean,” Yoseob kicked at the closet door. “All this time between the two of us I always felt like the girl.”

    Junhyung didn’t say anything. Yoseob cleared his throat again.

    “Can we call this, I don’t know, ‘tomboy chic’?”

    “How hot am I,” Junhyung tried grinning. It didn’t go so well.

    “Your face is a little-”

    “Don’t go there.”

    “I like it, though,” Yoseob said, after a moment. “If it helps, some Chinese fans told me I look like this Taiwanese lesbian.”

    “It doesn’t, but,” Junhyung put on the shades. “Thanks.”

    -

    Junhyung had one bra strap on, another fallen off his shoulder, and when he looked into the dressing room mirror he was pretty unabashedly channeling “pornographic beauty.” He was tempted to complete the pose with one finger in his mouth, licking the nail and rounding his lips, as a joke, but it didn’t feel right with Yoseob gaping the way he was, like a little boy released into a public bathhouse for the first time.

    “You know what, just, go ahead and touch them.” He slipped off the other strap so that both his breasts sat perkily on the underwire.

    “I didn’t say anything,” Yoseob protested, but he was blushing. “Wait, seriously? This isn’t perverted, right?” He looked to Junhyung for reassurance. “You’re not really a girl.”

    “No.”

    But it was kind of perverted. As a guy no one had ever paid that much attention to his chest. A foreign girl had once marveled at his hairlessness, dragged the back of her nails slowly down his skin, and said, “Huh.”

    “My hand covers the whole thing.”

    “Yeah, but that’s your hand,” Junhyung said, twitching. Yoseob’s hand was cold. “They’re the size of normal people’s feet.”

    Yoseob quickly withdrew. “My feet are bigger.”

    “I know they are. I’ve noticed, Yoseob.”

    “Your nipples are getting hard.”

    “It happens to girls and guys alike,” Junhyung sighed, then added, “Apparently.”

    “You knew that already before.”

    “Yeah. I did. I just didn’t. . . we usually don’t talk about sex.”

    “Yeah,” Yoseob said, with a sigh. “We don’t.”

    -

    Manager Jiyong-hyung cleared his throat. He didn’t take the new boobs as well as the members had. “Is this a joke? Because nothing else about him looks like it’d belong on a girl.”

    “If you get closer, hyung, you’ll see that his jaw is slimmer than before,” Dongwoon said.

    “His skin is nicer,” Doojoon said, sulking.

    “He cries every day,” Hyunseung said.

    “What?” Junhyung pulled his shirt down.

    “We’re the same height now,” Yoseob said, inching closer to Junhyung, who looked down at him.

    “No, we’re not.” He turned to Jiyong. “Hyung. It’s fine. I can still perform. Get me one of those chest binders or hormone pills-anything.” He was pleading.

    “Junhyung,” Jiyong said, uneasily. “I have never seen your eyes look this big. This really is happening, isn’t it. I thought Joonkun was lying when he told me that story about Micky Yoochun.”

    “Hyung, do you wish you’d gone to business school instead?” Hyunseung asked.

    “Oh my God,” Doojoon said. “Will you just-“

    “It’ll be okay,” Jiyong said, thinking aloud. “It’ll be okay. Junhyung-let’s say he’s injured himself. Or a rare disease. Rare but curable. That’s important.” He was pacing now. “That’s what we’ll do. He’s sick, needs to take some time off, catch up on his studies, et cetera. It’ll be okay.”

    He stopped at Junhyung and peered at him thoughtfully. “It’s funny. Why aren’t you pretty?”

    “If Dongwoon turned into a girl, he might look like Cindy Crawford,” Hyunseung said. Dongwoon was pleased.

    “Can you shut up,” Junhyung said. “Or I will smother you in these-these things.”

    He meant his breasts. Everyone but Hyunseung cringed.

    -

    “It’s called a titty fuck,” Doojoon said later. “Didn’t Hara ever let you…”

    Junhyung was quiet. “You’ve seen her.”

    “Not much going on-“

    “-Yeah. Let’s not talk about this.”

    “You’re getting-“ Doojoon stopped. He always listened a moment too late. Junhyung stared at the bottom of Hyunseung’s bunk but couldn’t see anything in the dark. Then as if his staring had been palpable,

    “Bigger, he wanted to say,” Hyunseung said.

    “Jesus Christ-“

    “I can hear you too, hyung,” Dongwoon whispered.

    Kikwang was snoring. He’d gotten in late after filming.

    “He’s right,” Doojoon admitted. “I meant bigger. You’re filling out-you don’t look bad in a t-shirt.”

    “Goodnight,” Junhyung said through his teeth, because he was embarrassed now, and knowing that he was embarrassed was even more embarrassing.

    “Goodnight,” came Yoseob’s voice in the dark.

    -

    Doojoon got all the rap parts. Yoseob playfought with him for them, and Doojoon pretended to give in because it was Yoseob, and then Dongwoon wormed his way in and started tickling them both, and so rehearsal devolved into a clown show. Fatigue manifested in strange ways. Junhyung sat out, watched them idly, mulled over a notebook. He pulled at his hair, which was getting long and made him look even more confused than he felt. It was kind of depressing, not just the hair. He couldn’t focus. He had a few lines jotted down, but the only things that rhymed with “catastrophe” were scientific terms that wouldn’t jive with the other mushy lyrics he had planned for this song.

    “You could talk about the love coming undone like muscle atrophy.” Hyunseung took a water bottle from the corner and sat down next to him. His shirt was soaked dark gray. His shoulders made sharp turns under the fabric. Junhyung watched his adam’s apple bob up and down. It was like a switch snapped.

    “Hyunseung,” Junhyung said. “You’re a boy.”

    Hyunseung looked at him expectantly. He had surprisingly long lashes.

    “I feel sick,” Junhyung said, dropping his pencil.

    It wasn’t attraction. He wouldn’t go so far as to call it that. But he was noticing things, which had previously been so transparently there that they’d never required noticing. Things like the faintest of boy-stubble, how BO wafted into the room after the boys returned from a rigorous session of dance practice, the way wrinkled t-shirts hung off their wiry frames. Or how Doojoon’s back tensed easily, and Yoseob would bunch up his mouth when indignant. It made him look like the red bird in Angry Birds.

    Alone in the dorm Junhyung was given a lot of time to think. Eventually, he knew, he would go insane.

    “How long do you think an ankle takes to heal?” he asked dully.

    Yoseob patted him on the arm, meaning to console, but the gesture felt less familiar than startling, like he’d trespassed into Junhyung’s comfort zone. Without thinking he jerked away.

    Yoseob opened his mouth. “I was just-“

    “I know,” Junhyung said. No one knew better than himself. Just the ridiculousness of it all was getting to him. “I’m really, I’m getting antsy these days. Maybe it’s because I spend all day indoors. But I’ve been seeing things, and feeling . . . things. Too.” He paused, running out of steam. “Just now you took me by surprise, is all.”

    “Because I did this?”

    Yoseob raised his hand again and this time gently touched Junhyung’s elbow. The touch was too light to register as anything more than a grazing of fingertips, but even the slightest contact was unbearable, shooting up his arm and into his spine in a hot flash.

    He squirmed.

    Yoseob’s eyes grew bigger by the second.

    “Wait, are you actually-“

    “No.”

    “-a real, legit--”

    “No.”

    “GIRL,” Yoseob finished triumphantly, the sudden discovery manifesting in him as unbridled glee, as though nothing this exciting had ever happened to any of them. Junhyung hoped he would crash soon, because as far as he was aware, there was no joy to be found in his own transformation.

    “A girl who feels things when a boy touches her,” Yoseob said in a voice that couldn’t decide whether to try to be seductive or playful, but he was grinning freely now, dangling his tantalizing fingers in front of Junhyung’s face.

    “Give me a break,” was all he could manage.

    After the novelty wore off five minutes later, Yoseob put his hands back in his pockets and said very quietly, shrugging, “You know, if you wanted to, we could . . .”

    He decided not to finish his sentence, but it was already too late.

    -

    Junhyung was in the middle of contemplating an underarm shave under the showerhead when Doojoon’s booming voice broke into the bathroom, and along with it his entire face, which, upon seeing Junhyung’s new and slightly fairer body, turned a violent shade of red.

    “Dude, I’m-“ Junhyung began yelling.

    “Dude,” Doojoon said, but even the word sounded weird now. He cleared his throat. “I mean, this whole not-talking situation you’ve got here with Yoseob is upsetting the rest of us. The group dynamic’s all off.”

    Junhyung wondered the likelihood of drowning right now.

    “Close the door, will you? It’s cold.”

    Doojoon closed the door and flipped down the toilet lid. He sat down.

    “It’s not my place,” he started diplomatically.

    “But it is,” Junhyung cut in, turning off the water and grabbing a towel. He’d given up on the idea of being hairless. “You’re the leader. I get it.”

    “Okay, that’s true.” Doojoon brightened. “It’s totally my place. So, you guys need to deal with this and stop making my life so hard.”

    Junhyung twisted the towel tightly around himself. “Right. Your life.”

    “Before you say anything, let’s go see a movie.”

    Yoseob dropped the magazine he’d been pretending to read.

    -

    The best part of being a girl who didn’t really look like a girl was not having to worry about stirring up a scandal. Under the right baggy t-shirts he was still Junhyung, and you had to be close enough to notice the strange fineness of his features, still out of place on an otherwise plain, boyish face.

    While the credits rolled and the sparsely filled theater slowly began emptying itself, Junhyung pulled his cap down and sunk further in his seat. Most of him wanted to disappear; he wasn’t sure why he’d thought this would be a good idea.

    Beside him Yoseob was just as uneasy, shifting throughout the movie, which had been as harmless and tame as movies got.

    “I’ve thought about it before,” Junhyung said, slipping his hands into his sweatshirt sleeves.

    “What?”

    “You, me, like that. In that way.”

    “Oh.”

    “Messed up.”

    “Not-not really.” But Yoseob’s voice was shaking a little.

    “Yeah really.”

    “Was this before--?”

    “Yeah. That’s why.”

    “Oh,” said Yoseob.

    “I’m a creep.”

    “No, you’re not.”

    “I just care . . . a lot. About you. I guess. There’s something about-you that makes, it’s like you need protecting. I have . . . wanted to be that for you. To give you that. And I think that’s why.”

    “Oh,” he said again. “Oh.”

    “And now I’m the fucking girl,” Junhyung said.

    At the same time, Yoseob said, “I’ve thought about it, too.”

    It was kind of funny.

    “Shit,” Junhyung said, laughing for the first time that he could recall as a girl. It didn’t sound all that different.

    -

    “So that was it,” Kikwang said with his mouth hanging open, like he’d just watched the most disappointing movie ever and wanted his eight thousand won back, but Junhyung had lived out his brief existence as a female for free so it didn’t make sense why anyone was complaining, especially when he was the one who had to walk around unsettlingly lighter in some places and heavier in others.

    “Yeah, just when I was getting used to peeing sitting down.”

    “How do you feel?” Hyunseung asked, licking yogurt off a spoon.

    “Not that different,” Junhyung said. He looked at Yoseob.

    “Good,” said Doojoon.

    “Good,” said Dongwoon.

    “You need to cut this,” said Yoseob, bringing his hands to Junhyung’s hair and smiling, like it’d been a secret.


-
I had such grand plans. There was supposed to be porn! A thick plot, rich with drama!
... D: and in the end, lost steam, as always. But a big thank you to nautisch for not murdering me hahaha

beast: c: dongwoon, beast: c: yoseob, fandom: beast, beast: c: hyunseung, beast: c: doojoon, beast: c: junhyung, beast: p: junhyung/yoseob, beast: c: kikwang

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