when your friends are out to get you

[warmboys]

Cruel Intentions
Luna-centric, f(x) gen with some Krystal/Luna
~1.1k
PG
Who's the only member of f(x) who never gets invited to magazine shoots?

A medium-size banana has 107 calories. At first they told her bananas were okay, so whenever she had a craving for chocolate she reached for the fruit basket instead. Then the fruit basket disappeared, and she’d find it in strange places, like in the white cabinet in the guest room where they usually store the toilet paper, or on one of the kitchen shelves, the highest one way beyond arm’s reach. She joked around about a dorm poltergeist, but after a while it was clear that no one was laughing, not even Krystal, who made a point in laughing at all her bad jokes, and when she wasn’t joking at all, too.

“Guys, I don’t get it,” she said finally. “Why are we hiding the fruit?”

Sulli and Victoria exchanged a look. Then Sulli and Krystal, then Krystal and Victoria, as though they coordinated this elaborate shifting of eyes.

Sulli touched her arm and made a slight dent in the skin with her finger. “Unnie, we think it’s time you lost some weight.”

“Okay, but I hope you realize, even if I get skinnier I’m not going to get any taller. It’s always going to be you three in the magazines.”

Krystal made a wringing motion with her hands, like this was what she wanted to do to Luna’s neck. But she was trying to be sensitive, too. “That’s not true. You can wear heels.”

“They can also photoshop out body fat,” Luna pointed out.

“Are you trying to say magazine editors have some vendetta against you?”

Luna shook her head. “No, of course not. I’m saying I’m not like you guys, and I’m fine … staying that way.”

Krystal gave her the dead fish stare. “Well, none of us have any problem with you, either. It’s management that thinks we don’t match, as a group or something.”

Luna thought it over. “You are so bad at this consoling thing.”

Sulli heard that Park Bom went on a juice diet. “Apparently that’s supposed to work really well,” she yelled over the whirring of the blender. “But I wouldn’t know, ‘cause I’ve never, um, been fat.”

“What’s exactly in this anyway?” Luna yelled back.

“Ten ounces of spinach,” Victoria said. “It’s very nutritious and helps bowel movement as well. Just make sure you don’t have any activities for the next twenty-four hours and that you stay near a bathroom.”

“Our schedules are free, right?” Luna asked.

The girls looked apologetic. “We have that Vogue shoot,” Krystal explained when no one else would. “We would’ve told you earlier but…”

Turns out she didn’t actually have an ending planned for that sentence.

Seven hours later, when they were finally allowed to take off their heels and stumble back into the apartment, they found Luna sprawled over the living room floor, faceplanted in the carpet.

“Oh God, she’s dead,” Sulli said.

“Temporary shock. She’ll be fine.” Victoria was at her neck, feeling for a pulse. Then she noticed Sulli staring. “The same thing happened to me when I gave up chocolate last month.”

Rock paper scissors said Krystal had to carry the body back to the bedroom. Thankfully by the time she had Luna lying in her own bed, she had already regained consciousness.

“Can I please go back to just singing?” Luna croaked. The sheet was just below her chin, and her eyes were having trouble keeping open. “I’ll be one of those… ghost-singers. Like they can dub over Sulli’s voice with mine. I don’t even need to be on stage. Just don’t take this one thing away from me.”

“Shh.” Krystal kissed her forehead. “No one’s taking anything away from you. Except some baby fat.”

Luna fell asleep smiling.

By the next morning Luna was back to her usual cheerful self. “Okay.” She set her jaw and propped up her elbows on the table. “What’s Plan B?”

The girls did that look-exchanging thing again that was starting to creep her out. “Actually, spinach juice was Plan B. We didn’t think you’d like Plan A.”

Apparently a person was supposed to be able to subsist on water and nothing else for as many as seventy days.

“Just,” Krystal waved her hands around. “Pretend you’re in Africa or something.” Then she covered her mouth. “Oh wait. You actually liked it there. It’s perfect!”

Sometimes, just sometimes, Luna really missed Amber.

“You know people say ‘I want to die. Kill me now’ and it’s supposed to be all hyperbole and no one takes it seriously? Well, I mean it right now. Really. Just-just take my life before I take it myself. Seriously, Krystal. I wouldn’t ask anyone else because I know of the four of us, only you are capable of murder.” Luna paused. “And maybe Sulli, but she’s still such a sweet girl.” She paused again. “And Victoria’s very good with knives.”

Krystal spoke with utmost patience. “I’m not going to be offended by what you just said. I know you’re trying to offend me into killing you, and it’s not going to happen. People in other cultures have fasted for much longer than you, and if they can do it, so can you.”

Luna wanted to claw at her face. “Why do you suddenly sound intelligent?”

“Not offended by that either. Give it up, girl.” She softened her tone. “Look, you’re the most resourceful, amazing person I know. I’d say beautiful, too, if I weren’t under orders from management to keep your confidence down. Just-hang in there. Pretend all the food in the world is going only to those who really need it.”

Luna smiled weakly. “I can no longer understand the words that are coming out of your mouth, but I think you just said something really sweet.”

Krystal smiled back. “Let’s forget it ever happened.”

A MONTH LATER:

“Hey, you’re looking really great these days, dongsaeng.” Leeteuk grinned, passing her in the hallway with a hearty slap on the back.

It was the first time Luna had ever had the urge to punch someone in the face.

She didn’t, of course. “Thanks, oppa!”

Back in the dorm Krystal was vegging out on the couch with a bucket of chicken. She looked comatose and maybe a little pregnant. “Move over, fatass,” Luna ordered, wrestling the half-eaten drumstick from Krystal’s greasy grip.

Krystal rolled over with some difficulty. “I want to die. Kill me now.”

“Gladly,” Luna grinned and launched her expert tickling attack.

These days, the fruit basket stays in her closet.

noticed that Luna's been looking a lot slimmer these days, and didn't know how to feel. on the one hand, she looks great, but on the other, it's not like she ever had anything to lose in the first place! anyway, then this happened.