Wow a non-drunk entry. Still early today though!
I am here watching my grandmother. So many things happen this last year. Dad died and his dad too, though we were expecting that last one.
Strange, when I go back on my posts I realize that this is a first time I haven't drunk posted. Don't know feel kind of retrospective. Right now I have been at grandma's for the past week because she had fluid in her lungs and my aunt was out all this last week. Either I stay here for good I am not sure yet, they still can drive and move around. They have a maid who comes in and keeps the house clean and their kitchen stocked. It just feels like one "good one" and someone will need to stay over here permanently.
Then I think toward my Dad. Last time I talked with him was in January maybe? Just sat down and talked and had some breakfast. About two months latter he dies due to .. damn, I forgot. There was some mineral that was like 100x the limit and caused his heart to stop. He was in the hospital for a good day before he went. Just odd for me. It was like I wanted to feel more. I cried, I felt bad for not talking/seeing him more, but after that day and maybe in the wake, it was kind of over for my grief. It was the same when my mom went all those years ago to.
Waited till August and went to Galveston with my black sheep sister and her husband. After some drinks, talking with more of the foes, my step mother brings the ashes of both my dad and granddad out there and asks me to shove my hand in there and put them in the water. Couldn't say no even if it did felt weird to me. Though, I thought, I am sure dad would of thought the same thing. Some solstice.
Sister handled it well. She never was the same after mom's death. My family's ostentation of her because of her boy toy husband didn't help matters.
Sigh, now it brings me to now. I am here watching my grandma, with the bad lungs, and my grandpa, who had serious brain surgery 2 years ago and is mostly better. I like them, but with my dad's side of the family I feel love. With this side? Appreciation. I wish there was some "feelings" handbook on these kinds of thoughts.
Anyway, enough rambling. I have a 3D printer my uncle got me and been screwing with that. Nothing like a little material happiness to get the weird mood off.