(no subject)
I find myself on here less and less as more of my connections abandon the place and the draw of facebook keeps me. I never seem to go into detail there though, and at one time at least I did here.
I am frustrated. I know I'm frustrated if nothing else then because all my dreams last night featured a goal being thwarted in some form or another. In one, I was trying to find something and found myself instead forced to account for my every step by siblings that were accusing me of foul play. No, my siblings wouldn't actually do that, but I woke up talking in my sleep because I was yelling at them in frustration.
In the next I was running a marathon with a friend. We got to the halfway and for some reason this race had a tunnel section, and they would close the tunnel door for several minutes, not letting anyone through, then open it for maybe a minute and close/lock it again. There was some kind of game with possible money winnings that you could play while waiting and my buddy decided to try it. One round. The door opened and I started through, but went back to get dude who I thought didn't see it open. He had decided to stay so I turned and tried to run back through, but my legs would not run and I was screaming from maybe 20' away that I was coming, I was coming as I dragged my legs up the slope to this door and they closed it right in my face. I woke up yelling "nooooo!!" The dude manning the door was locking it and leaving for the day.
I think the lesson there is "screw the pal, you see a chance you ditch 'em and go" or something. Still, I feel like it's all about frustration. Feeling blocked from accomplishing what I want. Of course, the jelly-legs attempt to get to that dream door (and pitiful slow and painful progress to get to that point) probably had to do with the actual muscle soreness in my legs from yesterdays attempt at a double workout. Not done that in ages, and it did not go very well at all.
I suspect my frustrated goal is my sense of fitness, which currently is pretty poor. Things, responsibilities, social expectations, injuries keep getting in the way. Even attempts to control my eating habits so I can at least keep from gaining more have been stymied either by business trips, family visits (much of the food enjoyed while healthy is much heavier than I need to eat, so while it's not tons of sugary food, it's still tons of protein and complex carbs or starch) or my own sucky will power when faced with a stressful day and the option to have a pint of Ben and Jerry's for dinner. Oddly, half the time I've done that if I've eaten the massive quantities of vegetables for lunch leaves me a pound lighter the next morning. It doesn't STAY off, but still, it's an interesting response.
So yeah. I think I need to start figuring out how to break through the frustration. Giving up on my goal of feeling physically fit isn't an acceptable response, so I guess I have to figure out how to get around the obstacles I have. I've contemplated a complete change in activities from running/biking/swimming/horseback, since Hubby does take up tons of time that would otherwise go to the other three activities, to horseback, yoga, strength training or maybe some form of dance but that doesn't include a way to keep the dogs exercised and happy, and I like taking the dogs out to run so, maybe running/horseback/yoga and strength? I'd just have to find a strength training option that fits the budget, keeps me motivated and can be done on my crazy schedule.
That, in fact, is the hardest part.
I am frustrated. I know I'm frustrated if nothing else then because all my dreams last night featured a goal being thwarted in some form or another. In one, I was trying to find something and found myself instead forced to account for my every step by siblings that were accusing me of foul play. No, my siblings wouldn't actually do that, but I woke up talking in my sleep because I was yelling at them in frustration.
In the next I was running a marathon with a friend. We got to the halfway and for some reason this race had a tunnel section, and they would close the tunnel door for several minutes, not letting anyone through, then open it for maybe a minute and close/lock it again. There was some kind of game with possible money winnings that you could play while waiting and my buddy decided to try it. One round. The door opened and I started through, but went back to get dude who I thought didn't see it open. He had decided to stay so I turned and tried to run back through, but my legs would not run and I was screaming from maybe 20' away that I was coming, I was coming as I dragged my legs up the slope to this door and they closed it right in my face. I woke up yelling "nooooo!!" The dude manning the door was locking it and leaving for the day.
I think the lesson there is "screw the pal, you see a chance you ditch 'em and go" or something. Still, I feel like it's all about frustration. Feeling blocked from accomplishing what I want. Of course, the jelly-legs attempt to get to that dream door (and pitiful slow and painful progress to get to that point) probably had to do with the actual muscle soreness in my legs from yesterdays attempt at a double workout. Not done that in ages, and it did not go very well at all.
I suspect my frustrated goal is my sense of fitness, which currently is pretty poor. Things, responsibilities, social expectations, injuries keep getting in the way. Even attempts to control my eating habits so I can at least keep from gaining more have been stymied either by business trips, family visits (much of the food enjoyed while healthy is much heavier than I need to eat, so while it's not tons of sugary food, it's still tons of protein and complex carbs or starch) or my own sucky will power when faced with a stressful day and the option to have a pint of Ben and Jerry's for dinner. Oddly, half the time I've done that if I've eaten the massive quantities of vegetables for lunch leaves me a pound lighter the next morning. It doesn't STAY off, but still, it's an interesting response.
So yeah. I think I need to start figuring out how to break through the frustration. Giving up on my goal of feeling physically fit isn't an acceptable response, so I guess I have to figure out how to get around the obstacles I have. I've contemplated a complete change in activities from running/biking/swimming/horseback, since Hubby does take up tons of time that would otherwise go to the other three activities, to horseback, yoga, strength training or maybe some form of dance but that doesn't include a way to keep the dogs exercised and happy, and I like taking the dogs out to run so, maybe running/horseback/yoga and strength? I'd just have to find a strength training option that fits the budget, keeps me motivated and can be done on my crazy schedule.
That, in fact, is the hardest part.