some good news and some bad.
well, some of the good news is that i got the loan from key bank for school, so that's totally out of the way. fabulous. some of the bad news is that school has be be paid for by the 4th, or i'm automatically deregistered. not like i'm registered for classes right now. i only got the loan a few days ago, and i have been busy. before that, i was recluctant to register because i didn't know how exactly i was going to be paying for everyting. well, now i go to register online, and i find that i have two holds on my registration, for reasons unbeknownst to me. of course, the registrar's office is closed on new years eve, so i can't figure out what i have to do to get these holds taken off before monday. on top of that, key bank sent me a promisary note to sign, but it has to be sent back to process, and with it being the weekend and a holiday and all, i don't know if that's going to happen prior to the 4th. grreaat. just terrific.
and this one is kinda big, so i was waiting to post it until after the holidays. i went to my doctor's appointment last week to discuss my ovary problems. they decided that, since it's so huge and it's just not going away, they want to send me to a gyn that specialises in cancer.
...
i'm trying really hard not to be so worried about it, because it's not immediately affecting me like my family, financial, and more personal problems are, but really. it's just sitting there brewing in the back of my head. i'm fucking 18, you know? i'm mostly healthy, and my vices have absolutely nothing to do with my reproductive organs. well, they would if i smoked cigarettes and drank beer with my vagina, but that's not the case. so...why would a pretty fuckin healthy 18 year old be sent to a cancer specialist? i know it's just to be safe, but the thought and possibilities are disconcerting, at best.
and i've been having these horrible dreams lately. they're nightmares, but they're not your typical monster scary nightmares. they're "real world" scary nightmares. i've had dreams about chris being unfaithful to me (at least 3 a week, like clockwork), about what little money i have disappearing and me suddenly being homeless, about me being sick, etcetera. last night's dream was pretty bad.
it was strange, because it wasn't such a bad dream when it started. for some reason, i was sleeping in my living room, and i heard a knock at the door. so i get up, make myself semi presentable, and i answer the door. my older sister was standing there. i was really happy to see her, however random it was, so i start joking around with her and go to get her a glass of vernors (because she likes vernors but can't find it anywhere in cali). so i'm talking to her, and i say, "what are you doing here anyways? mom didn't tell me that you were coming for a visit." and she said something to the effect of, "well, i kind of hoped that you'd figure it out, just because i'm here." then she got a really sad look on her face and kind of started crying and said, "it's about your dad." and she didn't say anything other than that, but in my dream i knew that it meant that he wasn't around anymore. so i started freaking out in my dream, but it was only for a second or two because then i woke up. i guess i figured out that it was a dream and i realised that i didn't want to have that dream.
it was 8:30 in the morning when i woke up, and chris hadn't gone to bed yet. i told him about it, and he said that meybe my bad dreams were coming from having too much negative energy stored in my chakras. i can see that, because i really don't have a release point anymore. he and i don't fight (which is good), i rarely hang out with my friends here, so i don't have many people to talk to, i'm not involved in anything, etcetera. and there's all this crazy shit happening, so where does it go? i guess it's kind of stuck or something.
anyways, i hope you all have a good new years. i don't have any plans, and i'm kind of pissed about that, but whatever. i'll deal. maybe something will come up at some point. have fun tonight guys. be safe.
and this one is kinda big, so i was waiting to post it until after the holidays. i went to my doctor's appointment last week to discuss my ovary problems. they decided that, since it's so huge and it's just not going away, they want to send me to a gyn that specialises in cancer.
...
i'm trying really hard not to be so worried about it, because it's not immediately affecting me like my family, financial, and more personal problems are, but really. it's just sitting there brewing in the back of my head. i'm fucking 18, you know? i'm mostly healthy, and my vices have absolutely nothing to do with my reproductive organs. well, they would if i smoked cigarettes and drank beer with my vagina, but that's not the case. so...why would a pretty fuckin healthy 18 year old be sent to a cancer specialist? i know it's just to be safe, but the thought and possibilities are disconcerting, at best.
and i've been having these horrible dreams lately. they're nightmares, but they're not your typical monster scary nightmares. they're "real world" scary nightmares. i've had dreams about chris being unfaithful to me (at least 3 a week, like clockwork), about what little money i have disappearing and me suddenly being homeless, about me being sick, etcetera. last night's dream was pretty bad.
it was strange, because it wasn't such a bad dream when it started. for some reason, i was sleeping in my living room, and i heard a knock at the door. so i get up, make myself semi presentable, and i answer the door. my older sister was standing there. i was really happy to see her, however random it was, so i start joking around with her and go to get her a glass of vernors (because she likes vernors but can't find it anywhere in cali). so i'm talking to her, and i say, "what are you doing here anyways? mom didn't tell me that you were coming for a visit." and she said something to the effect of, "well, i kind of hoped that you'd figure it out, just because i'm here." then she got a really sad look on her face and kind of started crying and said, "it's about your dad." and she didn't say anything other than that, but in my dream i knew that it meant that he wasn't around anymore. so i started freaking out in my dream, but it was only for a second or two because then i woke up. i guess i figured out that it was a dream and i realised that i didn't want to have that dream.
it was 8:30 in the morning when i woke up, and chris hadn't gone to bed yet. i told him about it, and he said that meybe my bad dreams were coming from having too much negative energy stored in my chakras. i can see that, because i really don't have a release point anymore. he and i don't fight (which is good), i rarely hang out with my friends here, so i don't have many people to talk to, i'm not involved in anything, etcetera. and there's all this crazy shit happening, so where does it go? i guess it's kind of stuck or something.
anyways, i hope you all have a good new years. i don't have any plans, and i'm kind of pissed about that, but whatever. i'll deal. maybe something will come up at some point. have fun tonight guys. be safe.