Twickenham man in bizarre attack on blameless New Wave band.
The other day catbo posted a Livejournal entry in which she linked to the video of Making Plans for Nigel by XTC. If you're not familiar with the lyrics to Making Plans for Nigel, it begins like this: We're only making plans for Nigel / We only want what's best for him / We're only making plans for Nigel / Nigel just needs this helping hand. What lovely sentiments, you might think. How kind of XTC to show such concern for Nigel that they'd take time out from recording their 1979 album Drums and Wires in order to make plans for him, recognising as they did that he needed a helping hand. And as the song continues we get to hear exactly what those plans are: Nigel, sings XTC's lead vocalist Andy Partridge, "has his future in British Steel". In fact, adds Partridge, Nigel's future "is as good as sealed".
I left a comment to the effect that I felt Nigel had been somewhat misled by XTC given what we now know about the fate of the British steel industry since September 1979, when Making Plans For Nigel reached no. 17 in the charts. In fact my exact words were "badly misled". I realise that kind of language might sound excessive - a word as strong as "badly" isn't something to bandy around lightly, is it - but you must understand how angry I was. We Wards are generally quite placid creatures, as you know, but when roused can be capable of quite terrifying displays of wrath. Grown men have been known to quake in their boots as we hurl around furious epithets such as "disappointing", "below-par" and "average".
You see the thing is, just one year after XTC's chart success, when they were no doubt gorging themselves on caviar and champage, the steelworks in Consett, Co. Durham was closed, with the loss of 3,700 jobs. This was just the start of a programme named "Slimline", a series of works closures that continued throughout the 1980s. In Port Talbot the workforce was slashed from 12,500 to 7,500. And in Corby, Northamptonshire, the closure of the works led to an unemployment rate of no less than 30%, and must have had simply unimaginable consequences for the trouser press industry.
All in all, in the 20 years since 1979, when XTC promised Nigel they only wanted what was "best" for him, and 1999, when British Steel merged with the Dutch steel producer Koninklijke Hoogovens to form Corus Group, the number of British steelworkers had plummeted from 150,000 to just 30,000.
"Hold on", you might be thinking. "It's all very well being wise after the event, but XTC couldn't possibly have known that back in 1979, could they". Well that might be what they'd like you to think, but you'd be bang wrong, you ignorant pig; the truth is, in 1979 the steel industry in Britain was already in sharp decline. When British Steel was formed in 1967, its work force numbered 268,500; in just 12 years that had fallen by 118,500, a staggering 44%. Yet it was at that point that XTC decided that what was "best" for Nigel was a future in British Steel. If they'd simply bothered to do the slightest research into the steel industry - if they'd spent just one afternoon in the library instead of in a wild, bacchanalian orgy of Walls Vienetta and Le Piat d'Or - then maybe this whole sorry affair could have been avoided.
Promise me, readers, promise me you will never allow XTC to make plans for you.
JAMES WARD NEWS: James Ward needs someone to move into his spare room. He has created a Facebook Group "Help me find a bastard to move in to the spare room in my flat", and there is more information here. I've suggested Fiona, but she doesn't seem all that keen, for some reason.
I left a comment to the effect that I felt Nigel had been somewhat misled by XTC given what we now know about the fate of the British steel industry since September 1979, when Making Plans For Nigel reached no. 17 in the charts. In fact my exact words were "badly misled". I realise that kind of language might sound excessive - a word as strong as "badly" isn't something to bandy around lightly, is it - but you must understand how angry I was. We Wards are generally quite placid creatures, as you know, but when roused can be capable of quite terrifying displays of wrath. Grown men have been known to quake in their boots as we hurl around furious epithets such as "disappointing", "below-par" and "average".
You see the thing is, just one year after XTC's chart success, when they were no doubt gorging themselves on caviar and champage, the steelworks in Consett, Co. Durham was closed, with the loss of 3,700 jobs. This was just the start of a programme named "Slimline", a series of works closures that continued throughout the 1980s. In Port Talbot the workforce was slashed from 12,500 to 7,500. And in Corby, Northamptonshire, the closure of the works led to an unemployment rate of no less than 30%, and must have had simply unimaginable consequences for the trouser press industry.
All in all, in the 20 years since 1979, when XTC promised Nigel they only wanted what was "best" for him, and 1999, when British Steel merged with the Dutch steel producer Koninklijke Hoogovens to form Corus Group, the number of British steelworkers had plummeted from 150,000 to just 30,000.
"Hold on", you might be thinking. "It's all very well being wise after the event, but XTC couldn't possibly have known that back in 1979, could they". Well that might be what they'd like you to think, but you'd be bang wrong, you ignorant pig; the truth is, in 1979 the steel industry in Britain was already in sharp decline. When British Steel was formed in 1967, its work force numbered 268,500; in just 12 years that had fallen by 118,500, a staggering 44%. Yet it was at that point that XTC decided that what was "best" for Nigel was a future in British Steel. If they'd simply bothered to do the slightest research into the steel industry - if they'd spent just one afternoon in the library instead of in a wild, bacchanalian orgy of Walls Vienetta and Le Piat d'Or - then maybe this whole sorry affair could have been avoided.
Promise me, readers, promise me you will never allow XTC to make plans for you.
JAMES WARD NEWS: James Ward needs someone to move into his spare room. He has created a Facebook Group "Help me find a bastard to move in to the spare room in my flat", and there is more information here. I've suggested Fiona, but she doesn't seem all that keen, for some reason.