erin fucked up. oh well!
Hey guys…Hm. Another eventfull night. Yeah, in the end…it sucks. Lets see, I went to Raquels at like, 2ish, and then we decided to call taylor to come pick us up. She came at about 4 and we went to pick up Nick and head over to Cameron's. So yeah, on our way to Nick's house, which is like…in the middle of no where, we deffinatly got lost. We went the completely opposoit way then we were supposed to, which cut out about a half hour of our time, which we didn't have. My Dad said I had to be home by 6. NO LATER. I pushed enough to get it up to six. So yeah, I knew that wasn't going to happen, but I wish I would've just come home this time. So yeah, we finally picked up Nick, and then decided to head over to Cameron's house. Yeah, we had fun there…his house is like, the biggest house on the East Coast…hah. It mondo, I must say. So yeah, whatelse…We all picked Cameron up…and fit fuckin 5 grown people into Taylors little mustang. So yeah, we headed up to New Market Square to pick something up…Yeah. So then we headed back to Cam's house. Nothin really went down that I can talk about…What I was expecting to happen didn't to say the least. Hah, so yeah. We just kinda hung out in his basement and talked a little and then hung out in his room because his Mom came home. Yeah, it was cool…I had fun. We hung out for a few hours or so, and then I looked at the fucking clock, and it was 7:15, an hour and 15 minutes late already. Greeeatttt. So yeah, about…2 seconds after I realized the time, Taylor's cell phone rings, and its Raquel's Mom (When all along Raquel's Mom thinks we are at the neighbors house) And her Mom is just telling her that my Dad had just called her house looking for me, telling me to get the fuck home basically. So yeah, I knew I was screwed then and there. I just ignored it pretty much, went along and did what we were doing, and then yea. At about 7:45 I decided it was deffinatly time to leave. Cameron and Nick started pulling out just bullshit excuses to stay for five more minutes, so I did. Then they would decide they had to do something else, so we would wait five more minutes…on and on, until me and Raquel and Taylor just got in the car knowing it was time to go, and we were fucked. So Nick decided he was going to ride along with us, and then just end up staying the night at Martin's house. So we HAULED ass home. I was fine at first, I really didn't care about what would happen in the end. So yeah. Then when we are at the beginning of my neighborhood, cell phone rings, its Dad. Screaming his fucking head off, so I just told them to let me off in the middle of the road, and I ran my ass home from the beginning of the neighborhood. I was so scared. I ran infront of all the cars, deep down, I wanted to get hit…wanted to find an excuse for him not to be mad, I hate when I make people mad when I break there trust. I really will never be able to get that night 2 years ago out of my head from the movies, its still with me…and everytime I fuck up I think about it, and it sucks. It really gets to me, fucks me up. I wish I really could just forget, it wasn't even that big of a deal really, but then again it was. I shouldn't have been there, with them. Whatever, so yeah. I just walked into my house, as if nothing happened. Immediately Dad jumped out from the corner behind the door. Scared the shit out of me. He took my phone, yelled in my face, and it was over. It sucked so bad, I mean…its one thing to make my Mom mad, because she will get over it, but my Dad is another thing, he won't get over it. I am so fuckin mad at myself, and I really didn't do anything wrong. I really didn't realize how mad I was until I started writing this. I don't even know. I want to go to Cameron's tommarow night like we planned. I think I might. I don't care that I'm grounded, I don't care anymore. I won't have my phone, I wont be able to get called, It will fuck Dad over in the end. I think I might just have to do that. I don't realize why I get myself into these types of situations though, it really is dumb. In the end I know what will happen, even though I don't want to say. I do this to myself, all the time. I'll be like, perfect…for months in a row, only mess up the little things, and its cool. Then I just get something in me that makes me want to just go fuck everything up, fuck up the trust that I finally built up with my Dad, fucked up with getting my license, fucked up with everything. Its really not a big deal, I know…but then it is. I mean, what happened tonight wasn't a big deal, just the fact that I disobeyed him is where I fucked up. He wouldn't have cared really if I was at Cameron's, just the fact that I wasn't home. Maybe I should just leave tommarow. Fuck him, fuck them all. This shit sucks, and Im fuckin sick of it.