Purple Prose: Boy do we hate it, but can we make it worse AND fun?
Note: I hope posting this here is alright, since it deals with one of the horrific abuses we see in tags, purple prose. If it is not in the spirit of the community, please accept my apologies before hand and I'll gladly take it down and/or move this post.
So, my RP guild likes to tackle writer's challenges from time to time on our forums and we had one get posted recently that I thought would be wonderful to share with the community here.
Here's the challenge itself:
"So, here's a challenge if you're up to it!
Prompt: Write a scene that is utterly mundane, disgusting, unromantic or boring... in the most purple prose you can stomach. Let the thesaurus abuse begin!"
Basically, you write out a mundane scene, something like taking a walk or drinking an ale, and make it as purple as possible. I thought some of you might be interested in trying your writing hand at such a challenge here. I'll gladly throw mine up for lols.
Write on!
The Captivating Changing of the Chimerical Child
"The excessively lanky and defined green skinned savage humanoid, known more by the great, wider knowledge and commonly wrought world as a troll of the noble yet equally systematically savage gathering of forest dwellers labeled the Revantusk, transplanted the squirming, writhing, black tressed bundle of his and her beautiful yet sour mouthed mother's flesh to the battered yet serviceable and wooden carved changing surface.
With deft, long-knuckled digits more adapted for the brandishing of a battle worn and steel headed battle ax of trollish design, the hulking man-at-arms began to peel back the all encompassing layers of the earth brown femininely cut loincloth that had been crafted painstakingly by calloused, knowledgeable hands from the dour, frizzled hides of the feral quadrupeds that were heralded as the ebony furred wolves of the dangerous yet captivating Hinterlands away from the downy furred buttock of the newly soiled offspring.
The sudden onslaught of the chimerical yet stinking child's spore engulfed the wheezing nostrils of the father of her birth's hawkish and bulbous facial cavity. The air sputtered in his elongated wind tube and his rumbling grumbles, born from the very depths of his nether regions, carried forth to ring like distant thunder in the spartan yet homey wooden and reed thatch hut of their own forging.
The battle forged fingers, flexing and twisting with each agile movement and gaining the momentum of haste that is only caused by such alacrity to rid oneself of a vulgarity like child's fecal matter, plucked the offensive package from the newly cleansed bottom of the giggling, twisting, fair faced troll child and cast it, tumbling gracefully through the cold evening air like a gracefully guided missile yet who's payload would spell certain end to all civility and summon forth a torrential downpour of projectile stomach juices and half digested food material, out the opened and welcoming window and into the dark, lackluster confines of the night beyond.
The stench abated and the savagely towering creature known as "father" breathed a heaving sigh of contentious relief now that the sordid deed had been completed and the mother of the chimerical child would be pleased beyond all reckoning."
So, my RP guild likes to tackle writer's challenges from time to time on our forums and we had one get posted recently that I thought would be wonderful to share with the community here.
Here's the challenge itself:
"So, here's a challenge if you're up to it!
Prompt: Write a scene that is utterly mundane, disgusting, unromantic or boring... in the most purple prose you can stomach. Let the thesaurus abuse begin!"
Basically, you write out a mundane scene, something like taking a walk or drinking an ale, and make it as purple as possible. I thought some of you might be interested in trying your writing hand at such a challenge here. I'll gladly throw mine up for lols.
Write on!
The Captivating Changing of the Chimerical Child
"The excessively lanky and defined green skinned savage humanoid, known more by the great, wider knowledge and commonly wrought world as a troll of the noble yet equally systematically savage gathering of forest dwellers labeled the Revantusk, transplanted the squirming, writhing, black tressed bundle of his and her beautiful yet sour mouthed mother's flesh to the battered yet serviceable and wooden carved changing surface.
With deft, long-knuckled digits more adapted for the brandishing of a battle worn and steel headed battle ax of trollish design, the hulking man-at-arms began to peel back the all encompassing layers of the earth brown femininely cut loincloth that had been crafted painstakingly by calloused, knowledgeable hands from the dour, frizzled hides of the feral quadrupeds that were heralded as the ebony furred wolves of the dangerous yet captivating Hinterlands away from the downy furred buttock of the newly soiled offspring.
The sudden onslaught of the chimerical yet stinking child's spore engulfed the wheezing nostrils of the father of her birth's hawkish and bulbous facial cavity. The air sputtered in his elongated wind tube and his rumbling grumbles, born from the very depths of his nether regions, carried forth to ring like distant thunder in the spartan yet homey wooden and reed thatch hut of their own forging.
The battle forged fingers, flexing and twisting with each agile movement and gaining the momentum of haste that is only caused by such alacrity to rid oneself of a vulgarity like child's fecal matter, plucked the offensive package from the newly cleansed bottom of the giggling, twisting, fair faced troll child and cast it, tumbling gracefully through the cold evening air like a gracefully guided missile yet who's payload would spell certain end to all civility and summon forth a torrential downpour of projectile stomach juices and half digested food material, out the opened and welcoming window and into the dark, lackluster confines of the night beyond.
The stench abated and the savagely towering creature known as "father" breathed a heaving sigh of contentious relief now that the sordid deed had been completed and the mother of the chimerical child would be pleased beyond all reckoning."