Deus Sex Machina
As much of a huge fan of druid lore as I am, I found it a bit painful to read through Blizzard's newest book, Stormrage. What is Stormrage you might ask? Why it's Blizzard's latest piece of fanfiction, errrr book by the New York Times Best Selling Author Rhonin A Knaak. Now I'm not some writing critic, so I can't comment on his style, and it wasn't painful in the normal Knaak way, but rather a whole new way.
I was surprised by the lack of his self-insertion into the book, Rhonin A Knaak only being mentioned once, maybe twice, but that was when Malfurion was trying to reach the Kirin Tor and found Rhonin was one of the many unfortunates taken by the Nightmare. I guess our Stu wasn't totally badass and invincible after all. Or maybe Blizzard finally realized that fans didn't like his self insertion and told him to put Rhonin to sleep. Either way...
No, my discomfort with the book came from the sheer volume of Deus Ex Machina. Major character about to be eaten by a dragon? No problem, Deus Ex Machina. Nightmare about to consume king Varian Chin? No problem, Deus ex machina.
Characters:
Malfurion Stormrage - He's big, he's all powerful, he's possibly even more powerful and important to Azeroth than Ysera herself, (WHAT?) but I still have a humongous man crush on him anyway. No really, I think he's that awesome, despite his every action being driven to be with his beloved Tyrande. Seriously Malfurion, when the power of your love is the only thing that manages to save Tyrande from falling into a fissure, it's time to do some upper body workouts and tone those arms.
Tyrande Whisperwind - High Queen of the night elves, despite not actually wanting to be a queen, because that's what Azshara was, and every time she thinks of Azshara she wets herself (and not in the fun way). Throughout the entire book, she only once uses her own "Battle prowess, honed over many millenia" to defeat an enemy, and the rest of the time she lets the Goddess do all the work for her. The Goddess protects her from almost all harm that comes her way, because the Goddess just loves her that much. More so than the other priestesses that fall victim to random shiz.
Lucan Foxblood - A human cartographer. He's meek, he's weak, he's a giant pussy. His nightmares are about his past: Making amazing maps then having his mentor take all the credit and thus get all the cute women. No, really. He has this unique ability however that allows him to shift between the waking world and the Emerald Dream, however he has no control over when, where, or to where his power activates. His power is the biggest source of Deus Ex Machina in the book, and activates at the most convenient of times. Why does he have this ability? He was the only human ever to be born in the Emerald Dream when his dying mother accidentally stumbled into it.
Thura - Niece of Broxigar who inherited Brox's mighty axe. I'm pretty sure the axe plays a bigger role than she does as it's one of the few existing weapons that can harm the Nightmare Lord.
Eranikus - Original betrayer of the Emerald Dream and his beloved Ysera. He has been redeemed via that AQ scepter quest line, but in his redeemed state he's a giant emo dragon. I looked through the book to find any semblance of a role, other than relaying some history to our heroes, but I didn't see any. He appears incredibly frequently, but every single time he emos out about how he betrayed his queen and caused all this.
The Nightmare Lord - So for the last 5 years, we've all received small hints as to what was going on in the Emerald Dream. The Dream has become a nightmare, nobody dares venture there, even Teldrassil is corrupted, etc. Well guess what. The Emerald Nightmare is none other than Xavius. When he was first killed by Malfurion, Sargeras took his spirit and twisted it into the first Satyr. To make sure Xavius didn't escape death again, Malfurion turned Xavius into a tree. Xavius spent 10,000 years in tortured agony as a tree. Well this is his big revenge.
Fandral Staghelm - He's a giant dick, everyone hates him, and guess what? He was a major player in the Emerald Nightmare. Surprised and shocked? I was. But he's not evil. He's just insane. With the loss of his son in the original war of the shifting sands, grief overtook this once noble druid. With the promise to return his son, Xavius twisted Fandral to his will.
Minor Characters:
King Varian Chin
Emeriss
Lethon
Naralex
Hamuul Runetotem
Shandris Feathermoon
Every Single Living Being On Azeroth Fighting the Nightmare Lord, United As One
Major Plot Points
It is after the fall of the Lich King, before the coming Cataclysm.
Throughout the world, people are falling asleep and not waking up. Their unsettled sleep suggests that they are having nightmares. Towards the end of the book, the nightmare mist along with all those asleep attack the few remaining souls that are still awake.
Fandral calls a meeting of druids to Teldrassil, asking them to channel their powers into the tree to attempt to heal it. Little do they know that it's actually a trap and they only feed the Nightmare Lord.
Thura has been having dreams of an evil druid, betraying and killing her uncle Brox. She seeks a blood oath revenge upon this druid, who is clearly the killer of her uncle Brox. The name of this druid is Malfurion Stormrage, and she wields the Axe of Cenarius, one of few legendary objects capable of harming Malfurion Stormrage.
Broll, sensing something is wrong, sets out to find Malfurion. He joins Tyrande and they set out to reach the Emerald Portal in Ashenvale to find out just what's happened to Malfurion. Along the way they meet Lucan, Thura, and Eranikus. Eranikus, through fits of emo rage, threatens to eat them on multiple occasions but ends up helping them. Thura doesn't actually join them, she just stalks them the whole way.
Malfurion has been trapped in the Emerald Dream for awhile, since even before Teldrassil was formed. For years he has been trapped as a twisted and warped tree. Late into the book we find that it was due to Fandral working with the Nightmare Lord. Fandral was using Morrowgrain in an attempt to kill Malfurion's physical body slowly so that he would not draw suspicion to himself, however Moon Priestess Magic kept him alive through the poisoning. To all of you that farmed Darnassus rep via Morrowgrain, I have just one thing to say to you: Dicks.
Upon entering the dream, they find it twisted and corrupted. All of our heroes get separated, and Eranikus opts to stay behind in the physical realm. You know, because of all the pain it brings him seeing his mistress's realm in such a state. After exploring their own nightmares, they eventually converge on the spot where Malfurion the tree is held captive. Thura, vowing revenge for Brox, swings her axe at the tree and releases Malfurion from the Nightmare Lord's spell. All along, it was Malfurion leading Thura to him so that she may strike him with the axe and break the spell, not to kill him. She feels used and of course is a pissy orc, but doesn't actually do anything about it.
At the same time, Ysera's flight appears and saves them as the Nightmare Lord converges on them. The Green flight whisks them through the Emerald Dream, only to fall into the Nightmare Lord's trap. Ysera finally appears after being in hiding for so long to save them all, but ends up getting herself captured by the Nightmare Lord, who begins to use and twist her power over nature in the real world, turning plants and animals against mortals. The Nightmare Lord wasn't after Malfurion, he was after Ysera! Who knew.
There's a giant clusterfuck of fighting and Deus Ex Machina here, including a legendary face off between Malfurion and Fandral. One of Lucan's Deus Ex Machina teleports lands everyone in Stormwind while Malfurion is fighting in Darnassus. Tyrande insists that they need to make it to Darnassus and fast. Varian and his few remaining forces are fending off the sleeping attackers and the nightmare mist. Varian offers them gryphons, but those are not fast enough. Tyrande asks where the Darnassian emissary is. Why? Because she has a hearthstone bound to Darnassus. Varian makes some exclamation about how he thought Hearthstones were only legend. Really? REALLY? It was a pretty funny moment, but come on. Broll uses said hearthstone to return to Darnassus to aid Malfurion. Barely able to hold off Fandral aided by a corrupt Teldrassil, Malfurion instead strikes at the shadow image of Fandral's son that Fandral believes is real. Fandral falls into gibbering fits after seeing his son die a second time.
With Fandral defeated, Malfurion goes to find the source of Teldrassil's corruption, which is an evil branch from Xavius's tree. He rips the branch away, and in an impressive display, all the druids cleanse Teldrassil once and for all. Alexstrasza appears and gives the world tree her blessing (Nelves have their immortality back?) and aids them in the final battle.
Malfurion rallies the few remaining beings awake on Azeroth, taking them all into the Emerald Dream. Man, Orc, animal, and all else are led by King Varian Chin into an epic battle against the nightmare lord, while Malfurion works on the side to strike a real blow at the Nightmare Lord.
Malfurion battles Xavius's true self, the tree, and with lots of back and forthing and even more Deus Ex Machina over several chapters and battles in different places, in a final crack of thunder the forces of good win. Ysera is redeemed, and the Emerald Dream restored. But Xavius was fueled by a much sinister force, much deeper than anyone can imagine... what could this sinister force be?! Stay tuned to World of Warcraft: Cataclysm and find out!
And if I missed something important (I know I skipped over a lot, but if I missed anything major) please feel free to fill in for me. And no, this is not an April Fool's Joke.
I was surprised by the lack of his self-insertion into the book, Rhonin A Knaak only being mentioned once, maybe twice, but that was when Malfurion was trying to reach the Kirin Tor and found Rhonin was one of the many unfortunates taken by the Nightmare. I guess our Stu wasn't totally badass and invincible after all. Or maybe Blizzard finally realized that fans didn't like his self insertion and told him to put Rhonin to sleep. Either way...
No, my discomfort with the book came from the sheer volume of Deus Ex Machina. Major character about to be eaten by a dragon? No problem, Deus Ex Machina. Nightmare about to consume king Varian Chin? No problem, Deus ex machina.
Characters:
Malfurion Stormrage - He's big, he's all powerful, he's possibly even more powerful and important to Azeroth than Ysera herself, (WHAT?) but I still have a humongous man crush on him anyway. No really, I think he's that awesome, despite his every action being driven to be with his beloved Tyrande. Seriously Malfurion, when the power of your love is the only thing that manages to save Tyrande from falling into a fissure, it's time to do some upper body workouts and tone those arms.
Tyrande Whisperwind - High Queen of the night elves, despite not actually wanting to be a queen, because that's what Azshara was, and every time she thinks of Azshara she wets herself (and not in the fun way). Throughout the entire book, she only once uses her own "Battle prowess, honed over many millenia" to defeat an enemy, and the rest of the time she lets the Goddess do all the work for her. The Goddess protects her from almost all harm that comes her way, because the Goddess just loves her that much. More so than the other priestesses that fall victim to random shiz.
Lucan Foxblood - A human cartographer. He's meek, he's weak, he's a giant pussy. His nightmares are about his past: Making amazing maps then having his mentor take all the credit and thus get all the cute women. No, really. He has this unique ability however that allows him to shift between the waking world and the Emerald Dream, however he has no control over when, where, or to where his power activates. His power is the biggest source of Deus Ex Machina in the book, and activates at the most convenient of times. Why does he have this ability? He was the only human ever to be born in the Emerald Dream when his dying mother accidentally stumbled into it.
Thura - Niece of Broxigar who inherited Brox's mighty axe. I'm pretty sure the axe plays a bigger role than she does as it's one of the few existing weapons that can harm the Nightmare Lord.
Eranikus - Original betrayer of the Emerald Dream and his beloved Ysera. He has been redeemed via that AQ scepter quest line, but in his redeemed state he's a giant emo dragon. I looked through the book to find any semblance of a role, other than relaying some history to our heroes, but I didn't see any. He appears incredibly frequently, but every single time he emos out about how he betrayed his queen and caused all this.
The Nightmare Lord - So for the last 5 years, we've all received small hints as to what was going on in the Emerald Dream. The Dream has become a nightmare, nobody dares venture there, even Teldrassil is corrupted, etc. Well guess what. The Emerald Nightmare is none other than Xavius. When he was first killed by Malfurion, Sargeras took his spirit and twisted it into the first Satyr. To make sure Xavius didn't escape death again, Malfurion turned Xavius into a tree. Xavius spent 10,000 years in tortured agony as a tree. Well this is his big revenge.
Fandral Staghelm - He's a giant dick, everyone hates him, and guess what? He was a major player in the Emerald Nightmare. Surprised and shocked? I was. But he's not evil. He's just insane. With the loss of his son in the original war of the shifting sands, grief overtook this once noble druid. With the promise to return his son, Xavius twisted Fandral to his will.
Minor Characters:
King Varian Chin
Emeriss
Lethon
Naralex
Hamuul Runetotem
Shandris Feathermoon
Every Single Living Being On Azeroth Fighting the Nightmare Lord, United As One
Major Plot Points
It is after the fall of the Lich King, before the coming Cataclysm.
Throughout the world, people are falling asleep and not waking up. Their unsettled sleep suggests that they are having nightmares. Towards the end of the book, the nightmare mist along with all those asleep attack the few remaining souls that are still awake.
Fandral calls a meeting of druids to Teldrassil, asking them to channel their powers into the tree to attempt to heal it. Little do they know that it's actually a trap and they only feed the Nightmare Lord.
Thura has been having dreams of an evil druid, betraying and killing her uncle Brox. She seeks a blood oath revenge upon this druid, who is clearly the killer of her uncle Brox. The name of this druid is Malfurion Stormrage, and she wields the Axe of Cenarius, one of few legendary objects capable of harming Malfurion Stormrage.
Broll, sensing something is wrong, sets out to find Malfurion. He joins Tyrande and they set out to reach the Emerald Portal in Ashenvale to find out just what's happened to Malfurion. Along the way they meet Lucan, Thura, and Eranikus. Eranikus, through fits of emo rage, threatens to eat them on multiple occasions but ends up helping them. Thura doesn't actually join them, she just stalks them the whole way.
Malfurion has been trapped in the Emerald Dream for awhile, since even before Teldrassil was formed. For years he has been trapped as a twisted and warped tree. Late into the book we find that it was due to Fandral working with the Nightmare Lord. Fandral was using Morrowgrain in an attempt to kill Malfurion's physical body slowly so that he would not draw suspicion to himself, however Moon Priestess Magic kept him alive through the poisoning. To all of you that farmed Darnassus rep via Morrowgrain, I have just one thing to say to you: Dicks.
Upon entering the dream, they find it twisted and corrupted. All of our heroes get separated, and Eranikus opts to stay behind in the physical realm. You know, because of all the pain it brings him seeing his mistress's realm in such a state. After exploring their own nightmares, they eventually converge on the spot where Malfurion the tree is held captive. Thura, vowing revenge for Brox, swings her axe at the tree and releases Malfurion from the Nightmare Lord's spell. All along, it was Malfurion leading Thura to him so that she may strike him with the axe and break the spell, not to kill him. She feels used and of course is a pissy orc, but doesn't actually do anything about it.
At the same time, Ysera's flight appears and saves them as the Nightmare Lord converges on them. The Green flight whisks them through the Emerald Dream, only to fall into the Nightmare Lord's trap. Ysera finally appears after being in hiding for so long to save them all, but ends up getting herself captured by the Nightmare Lord, who begins to use and twist her power over nature in the real world, turning plants and animals against mortals. The Nightmare Lord wasn't after Malfurion, he was after Ysera! Who knew.
There's a giant clusterfuck of fighting and Deus Ex Machina here, including a legendary face off between Malfurion and Fandral. One of Lucan's Deus Ex Machina teleports lands everyone in Stormwind while Malfurion is fighting in Darnassus. Tyrande insists that they need to make it to Darnassus and fast. Varian and his few remaining forces are fending off the sleeping attackers and the nightmare mist. Varian offers them gryphons, but those are not fast enough. Tyrande asks where the Darnassian emissary is. Why? Because she has a hearthstone bound to Darnassus. Varian makes some exclamation about how he thought Hearthstones were only legend. Really? REALLY? It was a pretty funny moment, but come on. Broll uses said hearthstone to return to Darnassus to aid Malfurion. Barely able to hold off Fandral aided by a corrupt Teldrassil, Malfurion instead strikes at the shadow image of Fandral's son that Fandral believes is real. Fandral falls into gibbering fits after seeing his son die a second time.
With Fandral defeated, Malfurion goes to find the source of Teldrassil's corruption, which is an evil branch from Xavius's tree. He rips the branch away, and in an impressive display, all the druids cleanse Teldrassil once and for all. Alexstrasza appears and gives the world tree her blessing (Nelves have their immortality back?) and aids them in the final battle.
Malfurion rallies the few remaining beings awake on Azeroth, taking them all into the Emerald Dream. Man, Orc, animal, and all else are led by King Varian Chin into an epic battle against the nightmare lord, while Malfurion works on the side to strike a real blow at the Nightmare Lord.
Malfurion battles Xavius's true self, the tree, and with lots of back and forthing and even more Deus Ex Machina over several chapters and battles in different places, in a final crack of thunder the forces of good win. Ysera is redeemed, and the Emerald Dream restored. But Xavius was fueled by a much sinister force, much deeper than anyone can imagine... what could this sinister force be?! Stay tuned to World of Warcraft: Cataclysm and find out!
And if I missed something important (I know I skipped over a lot, but if I missed anything major) please feel free to fill in for me. And no, this is not an April Fool's Joke.