Frenzy of Turmoil
Well i suppose that things aren't supposed to work the right way ever for certain people...the good things that a person finally grabs a hold of can be taken away in an instant.
In my case it's been a number of things, especially since it's so close to christmas and all. But Monday i found out that Alisha is moving to a place called "Ware" in MA still, its west of wochester, about an hour and a half away. At first, like anything else, this didn't strike me until i saw her last night and i realized it will probably be one of the very last times i see her again. The fact that it was sooo sudden sucked so badly. I might be going in too deep to say that i fell in love...really soon at that because she was one girl that i could be myself around, one that was like me for once, loved being spontaneous and loved being talkative and outgoing. It just sucks right now, i've been in such a bad state as of lately. She gave me a black bracelet last night and a few christmas gifts which i love...a KoRn hat which i have to get resized, a black T-Shirt with Stewie from Family Guy on it, and some BOD sprays. I was so wrapped up in the fact that last night was possibly the last night for us, so i didn't even remember to bring her present. The worst part about it was her leaving...she left and i was there to sit alone, and just take it all in, bit by bit. No matter how hard i try to get something good for myself, to maybe improve upon my emotional state and feel good about myself it doesn't work. The last shred of hope i had for maybe creating a long relationship with someone is shattered, completely...I thought that maybe things were finally going to go better for once and i was going to be happy. I was happy for the 3 weeks i met her...and the only other person who has been there to help me out is Mike, and it feels like im just pushing him aside. I can't help it, nothing interests me anymore. No matter how hard i try, i just get shit on, over and over again. Not to mention the fact that it feels like my friends don't even want me in their presence anymore, like im a neusence or something. If i am that would be awesome if they would at least let me know, that way i can move on. In some ways more than others i wish i did go to the Cape to meet new people...from Easton to Stoughton it seems i just dug myself deeper into this hole im in, and i'm not going to be able to crawl out of it.
Another factor to my mood is the fact that my mother brought up the fact that my sister may be moving in with her...so lately it just feels like i've lost almost all of my family and that blows a lot. I wanted to talk to my brother about everything last night but he was too upset about something else to speak to me about it, so i called my mom and talked to her about it. I broke down...again. I've done that twice in 1 month and its scary, because i've never been like this before.
That's all i feel like writing about.
In my case it's been a number of things, especially since it's so close to christmas and all. But Monday i found out that Alisha is moving to a place called "Ware" in MA still, its west of wochester, about an hour and a half away. At first, like anything else, this didn't strike me until i saw her last night and i realized it will probably be one of the very last times i see her again. The fact that it was sooo sudden sucked so badly. I might be going in too deep to say that i fell in love...really soon at that because she was one girl that i could be myself around, one that was like me for once, loved being spontaneous and loved being talkative and outgoing. It just sucks right now, i've been in such a bad state as of lately. She gave me a black bracelet last night and a few christmas gifts which i love...a KoRn hat which i have to get resized, a black T-Shirt with Stewie from Family Guy on it, and some BOD sprays. I was so wrapped up in the fact that last night was possibly the last night for us, so i didn't even remember to bring her present. The worst part about it was her leaving...she left and i was there to sit alone, and just take it all in, bit by bit. No matter how hard i try to get something good for myself, to maybe improve upon my emotional state and feel good about myself it doesn't work. The last shred of hope i had for maybe creating a long relationship with someone is shattered, completely...I thought that maybe things were finally going to go better for once and i was going to be happy. I was happy for the 3 weeks i met her...and the only other person who has been there to help me out is Mike, and it feels like im just pushing him aside. I can't help it, nothing interests me anymore. No matter how hard i try, i just get shit on, over and over again. Not to mention the fact that it feels like my friends don't even want me in their presence anymore, like im a neusence or something. If i am that would be awesome if they would at least let me know, that way i can move on. In some ways more than others i wish i did go to the Cape to meet new people...from Easton to Stoughton it seems i just dug myself deeper into this hole im in, and i'm not going to be able to crawl out of it.
Another factor to my mood is the fact that my mother brought up the fact that my sister may be moving in with her...so lately it just feels like i've lost almost all of my family and that blows a lot. I wanted to talk to my brother about everything last night but he was too upset about something else to speak to me about it, so i called my mom and talked to her about it. I broke down...again. I've done that twice in 1 month and its scary, because i've never been like this before.
That's all i feel like writing about.