Im not fucking hiding; i dont want to deal with anyone.
My throat hurts from screaming and I hope to god my poor nieghbors didn't hear me.
Im fed up with looking for jobs that aren't going to hire me, wasting time on jobs looking for higher qualified people and cutting out kids and other people without proper experience. I hate that I have to now resort to small time jobs and stupid dinky jobs that Im probably going to fucking hate and who knows! I may not be hired there either!
I mustve done something wrong to prevent myself for not being able to acquire a job. its been maybe four months. Everyone around me who has had equal amounts of difficulty finding jobs have gotten one. And certain people who havent tried as hard have gotten jobs. I've been nice and patient and positive but, today it has all broken. Im tired of being let down and just passing it off as "oh, there will be other options!" I REALLY wanted this certain job. I showed up early filled out an app (the twelfth to get one) and everything looked positive! I was excited, Goodwill was opening in Peru and I was sincerely excited. I haven't got a call yet, and probably wont. KTG got a call yesterday confirming her being hired. Of course, Im happy for her! She's been trying longer than I have and shes got a degree so, I can see where difficulties lie for her. So, good for her! But, they were hiring 40 people and I made DAMN sure I was there early and got an interview and I wasn't even considered? It's fucking bullshit, we were even interviewed and had photos taken, morale was high.
It wasn't even Goodwill that pushed me off, sure it damn well helped; but, there was an opening for a secretary or car detailer job at Honda of Ottawa. So, I got ready and left to go fill out an app, and I got there and the guy I asked said "We stopped taking applications after 200." I stopped myself from saying "holy shit" but, thanked him and went home. Surely, I was disappointed but i wasnt angry yet. I turned my music up and belted some tunes, I admit that made me feel better.
When I got home I called Goodwill (a number I got from KTG) and I got a automated answer with no direction to get answers from. I started to feel annoyed, not a good sign. I then called Family Video and the woman who answered said. "the manager is reviewing the applications and will be making calls soon." *sigh* No calls, no nothing. I filled that app out after I filled out the Goodwill one. Last Friday. I sat down and started thinking about everything in context and started stewing. Everything started to build up and then Mom came home.
So, she started asking me all these questions and I told her about Honda and Family Video and then I started cussing and got angry. So, Im doing the dishes and I started to calm down. Andm Im not sure how i got so angry but, I was first really upset and sad so I went to my room and lie down. SO, more stewing and thinking about Anger Management. And, mom was bugging me through my closed door about turning the tv off. She doesnt know how to work the DVR or takes the time to learn so I was annoyed. Plus, she tries to console me by saying i could apply at this hotel and do laundry and i hate piddly jobs that I wont like. If I wont like it I wont do my best. anyway, I think I was just lippy with my mother and thats what set it off. I had to move my car and for some reason her voice escalates my anger. Sometimes I just want to be left alone and she doesnt understand that, plus there are alot of things that she does that contribute to my anger so I associate her with my anger. Its totally stupid and irrational. She does help me alot but, she also pisses me off the most, too.
Anyway, lots of things have happened since my last post. I wont promise that I will update soon but, I might.
Dont count on it though.