There's people on the mend again with hope to carry on again
Today my mind was changed about someone I thought was a good person. I love them very deeply and it hurts because it feels like they died. Only they are fully alive and just making choices that show they don't give a shit about anybody else. Either they changed, or I changed, but I KNOW he didn't used to make choices like this so I know I didn't make up the fact that he was a good person. I just don't know at what point he decided I didn't matter as much as I used to and my feelings were expendable on his path. If only he had a path... it's more like he's living his life moment to moment with no plan or awareness of what he really wants and THAT'S when other people get hurt. I guess at some point I became expendable and at that point, the point he started treating me as such, I started to see him differently. He murdered a part of himself that I loved and he is no longer that person.
I am a good person and I don't deserve this.
It fucking sucks and I will eventually be ok, but this really fucking sucks right now. I spent all of yesterday getting high, sleeping, drinking, and eating whatever was in the house. Today I am ready to live this new life in which a person I love very deeply will no longer be receiving that love and may no longer be allowed in my life. My life is fine. I do my best to not negatively affect others with my own choices. I have a good job. In a fabulous city. I am kicking ass in school. With a plan. On a path. To something that I will be happy with for the rest of my life. I will be fine.
In the end, we'll see how things shake out. Maybe he got lost and didn't mean to do what he did. But he's a grown ass man and I won't be around to find out who he becomes if this is the new path. He no longer deserves my support and will not be receiving it as of now.
I just wish he would realize that what comes out of his mouth has to in some way match his actions or he will have no integrity and no one will respect him. Until he realizes that, he will live in frustration. I will no longer be a part of that.
Fuck.
I am a good person and I don't deserve this.
It fucking sucks and I will eventually be ok, but this really fucking sucks right now. I spent all of yesterday getting high, sleeping, drinking, and eating whatever was in the house. Today I am ready to live this new life in which a person I love very deeply will no longer be receiving that love and may no longer be allowed in my life. My life is fine. I do my best to not negatively affect others with my own choices. I have a good job. In a fabulous city. I am kicking ass in school. With a plan. On a path. To something that I will be happy with for the rest of my life. I will be fine.
In the end, we'll see how things shake out. Maybe he got lost and didn't mean to do what he did. But he's a grown ass man and I won't be around to find out who he becomes if this is the new path. He no longer deserves my support and will not be receiving it as of now.
I just wish he would realize that what comes out of his mouth has to in some way match his actions or he will have no integrity and no one will respect him. Until he realizes that, he will live in frustration. I will no longer be a part of that.
Fuck.