Oh, wow, this got REALLY cracky, even for this meme.
The first thing Sam noticed was that Castiel was around all the time now. Before, he used to just pop in on occasion, give them some mildly unhelpful piece of information about the apocalypse, look intense, serious, and a little bit constipated for a moment, and then disappear again. Now, he just turned up and hung around like a lost puppy.
"Did you want something?" Sam asked impatiently after Castiel had been standing silently in the corner for three hours while Sam and Dean watched the game.
"I want many things," said Castiel. "I fear none of them are in your power to grant."
Oh great, more subtle references to how he accidentally started the apocalypse. Sam frowned and stared at the screen again. "Maybe you should just go and get on with finding God then," he suggested.
"As you wish," said Castiel, and blinked out. Sam let out a breath of relief.
****
Two days later he was back.
"Dean's getting pizza," said Sam when he saw him.
Castiel just nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed Sam was sprawled on, rather than going off to find Dean like Sam had hoped. "How was your day?" he asked.
Sam stared at him. "I spent six hours in a library, then got attacked by the decapitated spirit of a pissed off frontiersman," he said, exasperated. "How do you think it was?"
Castiel looked serious. "And how did that make you feel?"
Sam groaned and turned to bury his face in a pillow. "I don't need a shrink, thanks, Cas," he said.
"You do not," agreed Castiel. "Your height is perfect."
"What?" said Sam. "No, I meant...forget it. Why are you here?"
"I wish to make your life easier," said Castiel.
"What?" asked Sam, feeling as though he'd missed several pages somewhere. "Why?"
"When you smile, you have dimples," said Castiel. "I find them pleasing."
Sam shook his head. "Am I missing bits of this conversation?" he asked. "Did Dean put you up to this?"
Castiel stood up. "I have not made myself clear," he said. "I shall rectify this." He disappeared again.
Sam shut his eyes against an increasingly nonsensical world, and hoped like hell that Dean had spiked his coffee with something.
"What the hell?" he asked, dusting pink petals off his bed.
"It's in your hair as well," said Dean helpfully. "Think it's some kind of new demon power? Spreading pot pourri everywhere you go?" He tipped his head to one side consideringly. "I did always think that stuff was evil."
"It's not a demon power," growled Sam, getting out of bed and trying to brush petals out of his hair. "God damn it."
It happened the next day as well, and the day after, until Sam was just resigned to smelling of roses the whole time, and to Dean calling him Disney princess's names.
On the fourth day, Sam woke up to find Castiel standing at the foot of his bed, watching him.
"Jesus, that's creepy," he said, sleepily brushing petals off his face.
"The red does not look as good with your skin tone," noted Castiel. "I prefer the pink." He snapped his fingers, and the petals lying on Sam's bed changed colour.
"Wait," said Sam, sitting up. "You're doing this?"
"Of course," said Castiel.
"Why?" asked Sam.
Castiel gazed at him with wide blue eyes. "I am wooing you, Sam Winchester."
Sam gaped at him.
"I have bought you chocolate," added Castiel gesturing towards the bedside table. There was a plate with a large pyramid of Ferrero Rocher balanced carefully on it. Sam stared at it. "The advertisement gave me to understand that with this chocolate, I am really spoiling you," Castiel added.
"Oh god," said Sam weakly. "Please tell me Dean put you up to this. Or Chuck. Or anyone."
"I am acting on my own initiative," said Castiel. "I am finding free will extremely interesting." He cleared his throat and went down on one knee. "Sam Winchester, will you do me the honour of going to dinner with me?"
"The knee thing's really only for proposals," pointed out Sam, and then shook his head, hoping to wake up from whatever fucked up dream he was having. "Also," he added when that failed to work, "You don't eat."
"I would eat for you," said Castiel, not getting up. "I would do anything for you."
"Really?" asked Sam.
****
The next morning, Dean woke up covered in rose petals, beneath Disney Princess sheets, wearing a pink shirt with a unicorn on it.
The first thing Sam noticed was that Castiel was around all the time now. Before, he used to just pop in on occasion, give them some mildly unhelpful piece of information about the apocalypse, look intense, serious, and a little bit constipated for a moment, and then disappear again. Now, he just turned up and hung around like a lost puppy.
"Did you want something?" Sam asked impatiently after Castiel had been standing silently in the corner for three hours while Sam and Dean watched the game.
"I want many things," said Castiel. "I fear none of them are in your power to grant."
Oh great, more subtle references to how he accidentally started the apocalypse. Sam frowned and stared at the screen again. "Maybe you should just go and get on with finding God then," he suggested.
"As you wish," said Castiel, and blinked out. Sam let out a breath of relief.
****
Two days later he was back.
"Dean's getting pizza," said Sam when he saw him.
Castiel just nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed Sam was sprawled on, rather than going off to find Dean like Sam had hoped. "How was your day?" he asked.
Sam stared at him. "I spent six hours in a library, then got attacked by the decapitated spirit of a pissed off frontiersman," he said, exasperated. "How do you think it was?"
Castiel looked serious. "And how did that make you feel?"
Sam groaned and turned to bury his face in a pillow. "I don't need a shrink, thanks, Cas," he said.
"You do not," agreed Castiel. "Your height is perfect."
"What?" said Sam. "No, I meant...forget it. Why are you here?"
"I wish to make your life easier," said Castiel.
"What?" asked Sam, feeling as though he'd missed several pages somewhere. "Why?"
"When you smile, you have dimples," said Castiel. "I find them pleasing."
Sam shook his head. "Am I missing bits of this conversation?" he asked. "Did Dean put you up to this?"
Castiel stood up. "I have not made myself clear," he said. "I shall rectify this." He disappeared again.
Sam shut his eyes against an increasingly nonsensical world, and hoped like hell that Dean had spiked his coffee with something.
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"What the hell?" he asked, dusting pink petals off his bed.
"It's in your hair as well," said Dean helpfully. "Think it's some kind of new demon power? Spreading pot pourri everywhere you go?" He tipped his head to one side consideringly. "I did always think that stuff was evil."
"It's not a demon power," growled Sam, getting out of bed and trying to brush petals out of his hair. "God damn it."
It happened the next day as well, and the day after, until Sam was just resigned to smelling of roses the whole time, and to Dean calling him Disney princess's names.
On the fourth day, Sam woke up to find Castiel standing at the foot of his bed, watching him.
"Jesus, that's creepy," he said, sleepily brushing petals off his face.
"The red does not look as good with your skin tone," noted Castiel. "I prefer the pink." He snapped his fingers, and the petals lying on Sam's bed changed colour.
"Wait," said Sam, sitting up. "You're doing this?"
"Of course," said Castiel.
"Why?" asked Sam.
Castiel gazed at him with wide blue eyes. "I am wooing you, Sam Winchester."
Sam gaped at him.
"I have bought you chocolate," added Castiel gesturing towards the bedside table. There was a plate with a large pyramid of Ferrero Rocher balanced carefully on it. Sam stared at it. "The advertisement gave me to understand that with this chocolate, I am really spoiling you," Castiel added.
"Oh god," said Sam weakly. "Please tell me Dean put you up to this. Or Chuck. Or anyone."
"I am acting on my own initiative," said Castiel. "I am finding free will extremely interesting." He cleared his throat and went down on one knee. "Sam Winchester, will you do me the honour of going to dinner with me?"
"The knee thing's really only for proposals," pointed out Sam, and then shook his head, hoping to wake up from whatever fucked up dream he was having. "Also," he added when that failed to work, "You don't eat."
"I would eat for you," said Castiel, not getting up. "I would do anything for you."
"Really?" asked Sam.
****
The next morning, Dean woke up covered in rose petals, beneath Disney Princess sheets, wearing a pink shirt with a unicorn on it.
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BEST.
ENDING.
EVER.
Also I was half expecting Castiel to break out into Meatloaf on that last line of his there. Would he do anything for love (but he won't do that)? ;)
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THE ENDING
Ahahahahaha THIS IS SO AMAZING IDEK
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:D
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Also, you have Cas's voice down perfect!
BUT AS SOMEONE ELSE POINTED OUT, THE ENDING LINE JUST KILLS YOU DEAD.
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So awesome! Sam's dimples are pleasing! His height is perfect! Oh, so excellent. And Dean is a Disney Princess, no matter how hard he may deny it.
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*DIES!!!!!*
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