from treacle tart to wincest in twelve easy steps
O hay you guise. Today I had an orthodontist appointment, which was, as ever, totally HARDCORE RAWKIN’. Fuck yeah. It also was, as ever, totally quick (I was in an out before the time on my appointment card. And people say the NHS is crap! -although, there is still time to discover my Friendly Orthodontist has spiked my brace with arsenic.)
I do love my orthodontistry. I always leave feeling like a very minor celebrity. I has unusual teeth, so there’s always a couple of other people peering at my mouth with interest whilst Friendly Orthodontist points out all the exciting things my teeth have to offer. Joy, oh joy.
Well, I wrote that paragraph without dropping dead, so I think we can breathe easy and assume that there’s no arsenic in my mouth.
For my next trick, I was going to watch Dr Who, but the Radiotimes has LIED TO ME about the schedule. Instead- it’s the next best thing- I’ll tell you my thoughts on yaoi:
The strange but true fact for the day is that I have not always been a slasher. No, really! I know it’s hard to imagine, but when I kind of absent-mindedly stumbled into the Harry Potter fandom all those years ago, I was all about the Harry/Hermione (oh ho ho, yes, I was a Harmoanian), and then the Harry/Ginny. Oh, how we laughed. Figuring out that there was More To Fandom than het came about when I was about eleven and accidentally read some Harry/Draco smut. Wayhey for ff.n, and its never-ending stream of soft-core porn.
So I discovered some greener grass, shouted out ‘hooray!’, and never looked back. For, well, one reason really:
I don’t like most of the women in books/films/TV. In fact, I rather hate quite a lot of them (Cameron, I’m looking at you). Particularly on American TV, they’re all skinny, pretty, fashionable, clad in high-heels, lip-gloss and a head of fabulous hair. Obviously, I’m not demanding ‘every woman must be just like me or I won’t like them!’ but I live my life in jeans; I steal my brother’s t-shirts; I’m prone to getting all my hair cut off when bored. The glamorous lives of Compassionate Doctors and Knife-twirling Wannabe Hunters just aren’t the kind of lives that appeal to me.
Or, failing that, they're just plain uninteresting. Off the top of my head, I can think of four female characters who I’ve actually found engaging: Luna Lovegood, Caroline Todd, Daisy from Spaced, and River Tam. Probably not a definitive list, but compared to the number of male characters who’ve caught my interest (House, Chase, Sands, Sam Tyler, the Winchesters, Draco, Sawyer, Frodo, the list goes on…)- you can see what I’m getting at, can’t you?
The problem is that any female character pretty much automatically equals love interest; particularly on the telly, because, I don’t know, the unwashed illiterate TV-gobbling masses just don’t find a show satisfying unless there’s promise of some bow-chicka-wow-wow? I really don’t know why, but all the PTBs are pretty well fixated on hooking the protagonist(s) up with the perfect woman. Viewer wish fulfillment, perhaps. I just wish they’d do it well. But pretty much as soon as a ‘this is your love interest’ dynamic is established, that’s it. All character development that occurs from henceforth is all about bringing the protagonist and his OTL to their happy conclusion; all character interaction is dedicated to creating a sexy little frisson to thrill the viewers. All designed, I assume, to get said viewers yelling at the TV ‘JUST KISS, DAMMIT!’ but I tend to just find it boring.
I love Spaced, I love the Tim/Daisy (even if they never actually kiss, DAMN YOU), I walk away from the show going ‘aaah, how satisfying that character arc and relationship build-up was’. I love Life On Mars, I hate the Sam/Annie (even if Annie is, yes yes, a lovely character), I walk away from the show going ‘I wish they could have showed more of a development of relationship’ and my beady, slash-goggled eyes land on- o hey!- a wonderfully developed relationship in the shape of Sam and Gene.
There seems to be an assumption in and out of fandom that slash is all about the hot, hot mansexxs. And, well, perhaps it is for everyone else, but not for me. I don’t read PWPs, I skim over the sex in NC-17s, I don’t get all hot and bothered at the idea of [attractive actor a] getting it on with [attractive actor b]. I just want interesting character dynamics, and when I find the canon wanting, I turn elsewhere.
PS. SRS BZNS.
PPS. MEME TIME BB.
For the first five people that reply to me and re-post this challenge, I will send you something. It might be something I've made, or something cool from my hidden stash, it might be a mix CD, or a rubber duck, a book I think you will enjoy, or something else that is awesome. Whatever it is, I promise that I will get it to you in 365 days or fewer. The only thing you need to do in order to participate is to be one of the first five to reply to this, AND post this very same thing on YOUR LiveJournal - cause it's fun to give people stuff.
PPPS. I don't suppose anyone out there has any AC/DC they feel like sharing? I'm filled with the overwhelming desire to listen to them, and all I've got is Highway To Hell.
I do love my orthodontistry. I always leave feeling like a very minor celebrity. I has unusual teeth, so there’s always a couple of other people peering at my mouth with interest whilst Friendly Orthodontist points out all the exciting things my teeth have to offer. Joy, oh joy.
Well, I wrote that paragraph without dropping dead, so I think we can breathe easy and assume that there’s no arsenic in my mouth.
For my next trick, I was going to watch Dr Who, but the Radiotimes has LIED TO ME about the schedule. Instead- it’s the next best thing- I’ll tell you my thoughts on yaoi:
The strange but true fact for the day is that I have not always been a slasher. No, really! I know it’s hard to imagine, but when I kind of absent-mindedly stumbled into the Harry Potter fandom all those years ago, I was all about the Harry/Hermione (oh ho ho, yes, I was a Harmoanian), and then the Harry/Ginny. Oh, how we laughed. Figuring out that there was More To Fandom than het came about when I was about eleven and accidentally read some Harry/Draco smut. Wayhey for ff.n, and its never-ending stream of soft-core porn.
So I discovered some greener grass, shouted out ‘hooray!’, and never looked back. For, well, one reason really:
I don’t like most of the women in books/films/TV. In fact, I rather hate quite a lot of them (Cameron, I’m looking at you). Particularly on American TV, they’re all skinny, pretty, fashionable, clad in high-heels, lip-gloss and a head of fabulous hair. Obviously, I’m not demanding ‘every woman must be just like me or I won’t like them!’ but I live my life in jeans; I steal my brother’s t-shirts; I’m prone to getting all my hair cut off when bored. The glamorous lives of Compassionate Doctors and Knife-twirling Wannabe Hunters just aren’t the kind of lives that appeal to me.
Or, failing that, they're just plain uninteresting. Off the top of my head, I can think of four female characters who I’ve actually found engaging: Luna Lovegood, Caroline Todd, Daisy from Spaced, and River Tam. Probably not a definitive list, but compared to the number of male characters who’ve caught my interest (House, Chase, Sands, Sam Tyler, the Winchesters, Draco, Sawyer, Frodo, the list goes on…)- you can see what I’m getting at, can’t you?
The problem is that any female character pretty much automatically equals love interest; particularly on the telly, because, I don’t know, the unwashed illiterate TV-gobbling masses just don’t find a show satisfying unless there’s promise of some bow-chicka-wow-wow? I really don’t know why, but all the PTBs are pretty well fixated on hooking the protagonist(s) up with the perfect woman. Viewer wish fulfillment, perhaps. I just wish they’d do it well. But pretty much as soon as a ‘this is your love interest’ dynamic is established, that’s it. All character development that occurs from henceforth is all about bringing the protagonist and his OTL to their happy conclusion; all character interaction is dedicated to creating a sexy little frisson to thrill the viewers. All designed, I assume, to get said viewers yelling at the TV ‘JUST KISS, DAMMIT!’ but I tend to just find it boring.
I love Spaced, I love the Tim/Daisy (even if they never actually kiss, DAMN YOU), I walk away from the show going ‘aaah, how satisfying that character arc and relationship build-up was’. I love Life On Mars, I hate the Sam/Annie (even if Annie is, yes yes, a lovely character), I walk away from the show going ‘I wish they could have showed more of a development of relationship’ and my beady, slash-goggled eyes land on- o hey!- a wonderfully developed relationship in the shape of Sam and Gene.
There seems to be an assumption in and out of fandom that slash is all about the hot, hot mansexxs. And, well, perhaps it is for everyone else, but not for me. I don’t read PWPs, I skim over the sex in NC-17s, I don’t get all hot and bothered at the idea of [attractive actor a] getting it on with [attractive actor b]. I just want interesting character dynamics, and when I find the canon wanting, I turn elsewhere.
PS. SRS BZNS.
PPS. MEME TIME BB.
For the first five people that reply to me and re-post this challenge, I will send you something. It might be something I've made, or something cool from my hidden stash, it might be a mix CD, or a rubber duck, a book I think you will enjoy, or something else that is awesome. Whatever it is, I promise that I will get it to you in 365 days or fewer. The only thing you need to do in order to participate is to be one of the first five to reply to this, AND post this very same thing on YOUR LiveJournal - cause it's fun to give people stuff.
PPPS. I don't suppose anyone out there has any AC/DC they feel like sharing? I'm filled with the overwhelming desire to listen to them, and all I've got is Highway To Hell.