245 - What's the first thing you remember?
It's funny. I remember when I woke up, Doc Cottle was looking down at me, shaking his head. My leg was broken and in a cast, and while everyone else around me probably felt sorry for me because Kara had died, it wasn't nearly as bad as I felt myself waking up in the sickbay.
Stupid. Yeah, I felt pretty stupid is how I felt. Lucky, though, that the only thing broken was my leg and that it wasn't gone, somehow. I got some weird feeling, though, and at the time I didn't know what it was all about. Later, after that frakking music, I just figured it was me being a Cylon.
It wasn't. Nah, it was worse, because while I was upset about Kara and drinking, asking stupid questions to Lee about her as if he could somehow fix it and make her alive again, I didn't know the truth. Truth was, being a Cylon wasn't nearly as bad as losing Kara.
Truth was, losing Kara and getting her back wasn't nearly as bad as what I did to Felix.
Some sort of irony, I guess, that I shot his knee and he ended up losing it completely. That song, though, that song he kept singing when he'd reach for the leg that wasn't there... had I been that bad when I broke my leg? I don't think so. I think I was piss-drunk and depressed, but I had my leg, still. I got over it, eventually, and I only had myself to blame for breaking it.
I needed something of myself broken to match how I felt inside with Kara dead.
But Felix... gods, he hadn't done anything wrong except disobey Kara. He still tries to get around CIC by himself with crutches, and part of me wonders... are they the same crutches I used to get around Galactica? Part of me thinks, "It's doesn't matter. You broke your left leg, but he lost his right leg. It's just a coincidence."
Except, I had that weird feeling when I woke up after falling off the Raptor, and I can't make it frakking go away...
Muse: Samuel T. Anders
Fandom: Misc. TV/"Battlestar Galactica"
Word Count: 357