( Read more... )

Even if it is a pretense (which I assume to be the case given the source), how embarrassing is it that the stated reason for three friends leaving my house at 10:30 on a Friday night is that I am falling asleep?

The Stinger truly is my favorite drink. It's my favorite, and my best.

It seems I was drunk enough last Saturday night that I did not recall until reminded just now that I called the girl in question "a pedantic be-yatch" in front of two dozen onlookers.

The key point, in my mind, is that I wasn't actually talking to her, but rather about her...

... to the three-year old boy seated next to me on the couch.

I awoke at 3 A.M. to the irksome powering down of my Cox Cable DVR and realized three things: first, I was half naked (the bottom half, oddly enough); second, I was lying at a ninety degree angle to the manner in which one traditionally reclines in bed; and--after much rumination on why I was there--third, that my boyfriend never called back after ( Read more... )

Five of us got smashed and saw Lars and the Real Girl, which proved to unexpectedly endearing. I would probably have teared up were my eyes not unable to focus ( Read more... )

Three flutes of champagne and I am hitting the wrong elevator buttons. In my defense, we did move cubes on Monday.

My boyfriend is skinny like a pretzel, not fat like a Cheez-It®.

Wow. Dr ank too much watching DaveChappelle with D.
He we t tl ed jt I am supposedt o hydrate.
44444444444 I just fell asleep pressing the four key, wheeeee

Addendum
In case it was unclear, line two is mostly a case of filling in missing letters:
He went to bed but I am supposed to hydrate.