and god help you if you are a phoenix and you dare to rise up from the ash
this has got to change
i can't
absolutely positively cannot continue
hating myself
every memory of you is tainted
every memory makes me sick
to my stomach
i can try forgetting it all
and acting as though none of it happened
but that only works for so long
and the shock is worse when it comes back
i hate you for what you did
what you turned into
everything you ruined
and i hate myself for letting you
i cant believe who i let myself turn into
i hate myself for going with it all for changing for
allowing you to do that to me
i hate the things i did when i was with you
the things i ruined because
of you
you make me positively sick to my stomach
never ever ever again
i may not have forgiven myself
yet
but i have promised myself
never again will someone touch me in anger
never again will i allow someone to hurt me in those ways
and then go back
never again will i be used as nothing
more than a sexual release and a bank
account
i will not be someone elses whipping boy
you will not yell at me
i will not be called names
i will rock the boat
no more dirt no more screaming
no more trailers with holes and leaks
i will not accept 2nd, 3rd, and 4th place
when i am supposed to be your #1
maturity respect kindness love
the things that i carve
and am learning
to let you
give me
what i need