sick
I dont know what to do anymore..I cant handle this anymore..I just want things to get better but I kno they never will be even close to normal...well I really dont want things to be like how they were cause apparently things were never good..according to him..but can I trust him..I mean you would think I would have a great relationship with my father..but I truly dont feel like I have any kind of a relationship with him..I really dont have any good memories with him..all he ever really did was work..which is what he does now..he kinda does stuff with us on the weekends..but if something comes up..he'd rather do that..and I kno this is all horrible to say..but its the way I feel..that the only reason hes doing anything at all with us is cause my mom has guilted him into it..and his parents are already extremly disappointed with him and if he didnt even try to do things with his kids they prolly wouldnt even talk to him...and frankly I dont blame them..I dont want to talk to him..see him..be around him..I have so much anger towards him..and I kno its wrong and I should forgive him cause he is my father..but I dont want to..I hate him..I cant believe he is doing this to us..to my mom..to our family..and the fact that he isn't even going to try with my mom makes me even more angry..once they go through all the paper work n crap my sisters will have to go n spend time with him by law..but I wont have to..and honestly I prolly wont...with the way I'm feeeling now I dont ever have to see him again and it wouldnt change a thing..hes never really been around anyway..so it wouldn't make that much of a difference..I kno all of you are thinking wow she is horrible..totally bitter and angery n she needs to get over it..well in time I will I hope..but right now..all I feel is anger..so I needed to vent a little and now I feel a lil better..