"...I begged you not to go, I begged you, I pleaded..."
That's right Rissa, I was listening to my "Niki's Mix" cd you made me forever ago...lol...I wasn't a fan of Dashboard until you put a few of the songs on that cd...lol...
Anywho, I haven't written in here in a few days...Oh gosh, I should probably be thrilled you all didn't drop me as a friend, cuase you'd have to "chase" me as a friend...Fuckin dumb...Only Shari knows what I'm talking about, but yeah...a "friend" decided to stop talking to me cause I didn't talk much anymore...Good grief, I DIDN'T just pick up my old job again, did I? I mean, why isn't my ass online constantly anymore, anyway? I'm a horrible person for that...My.Worship.Ground.She.Walks.On...NOT...Fuck you, you're a dumb bitch anyway...Who needs your two-faced, lying ass?
/end rant
I'm done with that now...Should feel better, but I don't...I hang on to anger more these days...Oh well...Guess that's a side effect of having my husband taken away...Oh well, I'm entitled to a few fits now & then...And tonights one...I'm pissed off for no good reason...I swear I'm just looking for shit to upset me right now...The friend thing above is legit, but some things aren't...Like, I'm irritated Ryan's not online right now...Well, he is, but not at the computer...He's got a busy message up...Why should it matter if he is or not? At least I get to talk to him sometimes...Not everyone can say that when their man leaves...And I mean, he has to sleep sometime, and have his own life...Oh well...I just feel like a selfish bitch sometimes...Maybe I am...Who knows...>>>As I was finishing the entry, before I posted the lyrics at the end, Ryan IMed me...Now I feel like a bag for writing this part...I CUOLD just take this part out, but I won't, cause it was how I felt at the time<<<
And no, I didn't just say that to hear people say I'm not a selfish bitch...I just said it cause it's how I feel sometimes...Most of the time...It's my journal, I can do.say what I want...
Work's been ok...I bought Kaitlynn lunch today, cause I didn't want to be the only one eating, and just the two of us were there (Peg was at an open house at the new PD in Berwick)...After she finished eating, she left...So yeah...WTH...Whatever...I like it better like that sometimes, cause I can get shit done without having someone hangin over my shoulder askign if I need help...I knwo she means well, but I mean, I did this job for almost 4 years before, so I think I can manage...I liked her better today though...She's not bad when she actually talks, instead of just standing there staring at me...
I was bored after she left cause I did everything there was to do & there weren't any customers, so I groomed Ollie for Peg...He was actually pretty good for it....I cut my thumb with the thinning shears though...HATE that...and it's in the worst spot there ever was...Exactly on the crease where my thumb bends...It bled for a while, and now it only hurts when I bend it, which is often...lol...
Sick of the weather...We REALLY don't need anymore snow...And if I have an inch of ice covering my car & keeping me from getting in it again, I'm going to be really upset...This shit is ridiculous...Snow on it's own is alright, but leave the sleet/freezing rain out of it...
Kirstin gave me 2 pictures she had hanging around today...I cried...Both were of me with Mable...One was me kissing her nose outside, and the other was me laying on the floor with her...I had to turn them over, cause they were awesome, but upsetting...I miss my baby girl so much still :'(
Getting my hair done Wednesday if the weather's good...I can't flippin wait...I hope it looks killer...
I get irritated at guys hitting on me, too...I have a damn wedding ring on, it means something, assholes...The first time was at Wal*Mart...One of the cashiers in the electronics department...Kirstin was pissed cause she thought he was hot, and he was totally hitting on me...I just pretty much ignored anything he said, besides normal things that weren't part of him tryign to pick me up...Then today the delivery guy that we always had when I worked at Peg's before...He's funny...But yeah, it was awkward...I don't know how to deal with that whole thing...Like, I don't say anything to them or anything, I just kind of ignore the comments they say...I dunno...
Ummm...I dunno...I was bored so I figured I'd update for those who read...And now lyrics for ya...And these are TOO true...Have been the whole time he's been gone, but I actually found myself dialing almost his whole cell number before realizing I was being stupid...Bleh, I don't know...This song is amazingly true...Minus burnign his stuff...lol...
More Than A memory
Garth Brooks
People say she's only in my head
Its gonna take time to laugh again
They say I need to get on with my life
But they don't realize
Is when your dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone.
Driving cross town just to see if she's home.
Waking a friend in the dead of night, just to hear 'em say it's gonna be alright.
When your finding things to do not to fall asleep cuz you know she'll be there in your dreams.
Thats when she's
more than a memory
Took a match to everything she ever wrote
Watched her words go up in smoke
Tore all the pictures off the wall
But that aint helping me at all.
Cuz when your talking out loud and nobody's there
You look like hell and you just don't care
Drinking more than you've ever drank
Sinking down lower than you've ever sank
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees, praying to God, begging him PLEASE
That's when she's
More than a Memory
She's more
She's more
Cuz when your dialing her number just to hang up the phone
Driving cross town just to see if she's home
waking a friend in the dead of night, just to hear 'em say it's gonna be alright
When our finding things to do not to fall asleep cuz you know she'll be waiting in your dreams
That's when she's
More than a Memory
People say she's only in my head
Its gonna take time to laugh again