pphhhhhhhhh...(as i blow air into my bangs)
so yeah i meant to write last night but of course got distracted and tired so i'm writing today...sorry to those who read my journal (not that there's that many or who actually care about reading my journal)(and no this is not a feel bad for sammy entry where i get more people to read my journal i'm just stating the obvious..i do this at times)
so anyways my tummy hurts..don't know why, i wish it would stop though :'(
not liking ball state too much anymore..don't worry most likely i'm not gonna be leaving, of course i would like to drop out of school completely cuz school is not my thing but who doesn't feel this way at times. i mean its an ok school and i have fun at times..especially with my roomy shawnda!!!! ur awesome shawnda!!!!!..but lately i notice that this school..with the exception of a certain few..is made up of the preppy sons of bitches i hated so much in highschool. yes i know i should grow up and no that people are completely different in college than in highschool but come on 1.when have a ever been known to grow up and 2. thats all ball state is and either those assholes in highschool never did change or all the nice people turned into total dick heads. i don't know maybe i miss chris too much and everytime i leave ISU i make up things in my head of how much this school sucks and make myself believe that ISU is better for me..it prolly isn't cuz i don't actually know how much work i'd do even though chris says he'd force me to do my work...i just don't know...i don't know anything right now i don't know why(and please no comments full of sympathy this is just an entry to get my confusions and frustrations(sp?) out) i miss chris more and more evertyime i have to leave him thats why i'm looking forward to this summer, i can see him whenever i want and i don't have to drive 2 1/2 hours to get to him.
...i need to figure out whats going on for me next year...i hate not knowing stuff, it bothers me.....
well on the brighter side of things i'm going to kings island with heather on saturday!..its nice hanging out with her again..i've known her since 6th grade and she was always there for me, well except for senior year but that was my fault. i was a big bitch mack then and let myself get annoyed with a lot my friends and i had no one left..of course then i didn't care cuz i'd think i won't miss any of them and i don't care if i never see them again..and blah blah blah..well i'm not too proud to say i was wrong..well for most of them anyway some can still go to hell for all i care but i'm not saying who cuz that would just be mean. but yeah heather is one of my best friends (i think i mentioned that in another entry too) and one of the few friends i have left considering again i was a big bitch in highschool and also considering that a lot of the people here have been complete bitches to me as mentioned earlier...hey i changed why can't anyone else?!? and i think i made like 1 friend here and i prolly won't talk to her over the summer..well she doesn't live that far so maybe she'll call me or shawnda and we'll do somethin...i just don't know....
well i feel better kind of so i'm gonna lay down and make my tummy feel better..bye bye!!!