Second Guesses...

[wannabe_teacher]

I shouldn't do it because there is nothing I can do now...no turning back. I am having second guesses about resigning from Mainland High School. I e-mailed my athletic training boss man because he was supposed to be on a missions trip somewhere in South America. Well, he ended up not going for some reason, which now is a good thing, so he got my e-mail the day I sent it. He pretty much told me that what I did was wrong and then gave me some story about how he turned down a job because he had already accepted a position as an intern for the Miami Dolphins. And??? Needless to say, that makes me think twice about what I have done. I mean, I feel crappy having resigned so late in the summer, but what was I supposed to do? They had to know that given the opportunity to go back home I was going to do it. I mean, they all knew how miserable I was all year and yet no one did anything to try to help. I walked into my workshop thing on Monday before resigning and not a soul said HI to me. People would make eye contact, I would smile, and they would look away real fast like they didn't see me. The teachers at Mainland are BULLSHIT! The reason why Mainland's performance isn't all that great is because they have a bunch of old ass selfish teachers who are in the profession for themselves, not for the students. THey are doing a great disservice to the students by not working together and collaborating. The lady I interviewed with at the school I will be working with couldn't believe how terrible they treated me here. SHe has already offered to help me with whatever and introduce me to everyone. They meet at least once a week to plan as a department. And get this...I will have a classroom with lab stations and equipment...imagine that?! The new school should be nice, but I can't stay to find out. So, as I am questioning my decision to leave, I am also reassuring myself that I made the right decision. The other reason I wish I wouldn't have resigned is for the athletic training part. I really did leave him shorthanded and if that was the only part of my job I would probably have stayed, but it's not. I have to teach, too. I really enjoyed the athletic training student aides...they were such good, hard-working kids, so I am going to miss them a lot. SO, as much as I know that I wasn't anything more than an extra person for coverage to Pinyan, I think that the students might miss me, too. Pinyan will get along fine without me...he did it all himself anyway. The other reason why I think I might regret my decision is that I am going from Mainland, a lower income kind of school, to a Naperville Central, a middle- to high- income school with snobby little know-it-all brat kids whose parents buy them anything they want just to shut them up. It's going to be different, but maybe not any better or any worse. We will see. Then there's my boy, Henrique. It is going to be harder than I think both of us thought for him to come with me. He has a student visa, which means he can't legally work here. To work here, he needs someone who wants to employ him to vouch for him saying that the work that he will be doing no American can do. Plus, cost of living up there is so much more expensive. I really hope he can come with! My fear now is that I am going to subconsciously (well, consciously since I know I have done it in the past) push him away to avoid the possibility of being hurt in the instance he can't come up. I'm a PSYCHO like that! It's my defense mechanism cuz getting hurt SUX! So, in a way, I was being selfish in every aspect of my little life down here. The other things that make me second guess leaving is the people and stuff I have found since school being over and meeting Henrique. Since meeting Henrique, I have found a church that I like which has services on Sunday and Wednesday. We go bowling on Saturdays and there are other events every now and then, as well. I really like the people there, too. Henrique and I go play basketball Monday nights and volleyball Tuesday and Thursday nights. I have things to do now, so being in Daytona isn't all that bad anymore. I STILL can't see myself raising a family down here though..too hard! Seeing students of mine down at the beach just reinforces that thought. So, as much as I am having second guesses, I think that it is all for the best. I am not so much going back to IL b/c of the opportunity or the money, but b/c it's home. I am not even working full time. I will be only athletic training in the fall, which pays MAYBE 12K for the year (which is still more than what Mainland paid for AT). Then in the Spring I will be teaching part time (3 classes) after a lady retires and athletic training. I won't have any benefits or anything, so it's not b/c of "opportunity" or pay that I am moving. I just hope that the next year I have a full time position. It will be nice to ease my way into the school. I will probably substitute teach in the fall on occasion, as well. So, it will give me time to get to know the people to know and learn the procedures of the school! I think that is about all.

Some other news...I am planning on attending Bunke's show in Orlando on Friday night. I am not sure exactly where the place is that it's at, but I will be there. I might try to go tonight, as well, but I am going to church at 7pm and I think that we are going to karaoke night at Checker's (?)...some bar on Int'l and A1A, I guess. I will see what I can do!

By the way, I want to see y'all before I leave! We should do something...bowling...volley...something fun...I'll bring the COOKIES!!! Maybe y'all can come to my place and we can swim in the pool and watch a movie or something...I can make some food for y'all, too...homemade chiacgo style deep dish pizza??? I don't know that you Floridians can handle that though...I might have to make something else...let me know if y'all have any ideas...I leave next Thursday, the 23rd! So, let me know when is good for y'all! Peace out!