Sad news I care about but probably shouldn't...

Nov 23, 2004 03:49

So we all should remember the infamous asshole of my life BH...Before Henrique...right? His name was Nick and a certain funny guy (Alex) liked to piss him off when he called me in the middle of school. ANYWAY...well, I was asked to forget about his existence when he heard the news that I had a new "boo". I was told to lose his number and e-mail address and any way I had of contacting him (which has been done...sort of). I still have the addresses and I can't just unmemorize a phone number or e-mail address, I just haven't used them. So, my phone rings this afternoon, mind you Henrique is sitting right next to me, and I was thinking that nobody calls me who could that be?! So, it's my friend Paula. She lives in Rockford IL the city I went to grad school in and where Nick is originally from and still goes to school. She proceeds to tell me that she has some news that she is not so sure I want to know or if I really care. I figured it was bad news and had a million things racing through my head when she says, "Nick's Mom passed away this morning." My heart sunk into my stomach; I felt terrible. The thing is, I don't know what makes me feel worse, the fact that Nick is now an orphan, or the fact that I can't even call him to give him my regards and tell him I am here for him. Regardless of what an asshole he might have been to me at times, he did also have his good moments. I care about the kid a ton and wish I could be there for him now. Last year when I was in Florida, there were many a night that he and I would be talking on AIM and I wouldn't be happy and he would call and talk some sense into me and make me feel better. I just wish I could return the favor. So as the story goes...I guess that Nick's mom didn't show up to work today (she was a teacher or something in the school district) so they called the house with no luck. Then they called the kids trying to see if maybe she got sick in the middle of the night and couldn't call in. When they had no luck with that, they called the police and by the time they got to the house, Nick had already found his mamma. My heart hurts so bad for him right now. I cry every time I think about it. The other thing with Nick is that he didn't have the best relationship with his mom. So, I am hoping that they were on "good terms" before she passed, for his sake. I wish so badly that I could call him, or that he would break down and call me. I want to be there for him in the worst way, but I really don't know why. It drives Henrique nuts that I even thought about writing him an e-mail. I won't because that will just piss him off even more...1) hearing from me and 2) knowing that I know, the DAY it happened. I would never do it. Another sick and twisted thought I had, which is TERRIBLE of me...what if HE did it? I honestly don't think he did because I think that no matter what type of conflict they may have ever had, he really loved his mamma, but the thought did cross my mind. Isn't that terrible? I just hope that he doesn't take the blame for it. I hope that he can cope with this better than he ever coped with his Dad's passing. (his dad died when he was 10) Nick has been a bitter asshole ever since I have known him. He can be a great guy (when he wants to be) but more often than not he's a jerk, especially to females. Through all of this, I wish I could explain to Henrique how I feel about Nick and why I care so much, but I can't even explain it to myself, I just do. Nick has a piece of my heart that can never be brought back. I will always wonder what became of Nick Newson. I wish him nothing but the best and all the happiness in the world. It's just too bad that I can have no part in it besides a prayer here and there. May his Mom rest in peace.
Previous post Next post
Up