change.... good or bad.

[wanna_know]

how do you know what your purpose in life is?... today i was lying in the bath, and i thought to myself.... i want to die rite now, or not, because im probably going to hell after what happened this weekend. it seems to me that whenever you think something is going really really well, it all turns around on you.... nobody knows what my life is like rite now except jackie(yes, only jackie).... people dont listen, people dont care. beckys mad at us, but we love her. josh and bobby are mad at me... they dont understand, they dont know what its like to come home to my life, to live the way i do. The only peacfull place rite now is the bathtub and my bed. places where you can lay down and think. About what? (ur wondering) about everything, changing, life, breaking the law, how to sneak out of the house next, trying to think of a way to make life better, without making it worse at the same time..... i want to know of someone out there who feels like i feel, who wont reject me. i already found one person, but will anyone else truely understand me?.... what if i open my heart to them and they just end up hurting me?... its just not worth the pain. talk to the cops? no efing way.
my stomach hurts..... but i love u anyways, whoever you are.