(no subject)
okay so life has been pretty interesting for me lately and I need to get it out there...
Okay so here's the deal. I am finding myself extreamly uncomfortable in my own skin lately. I'm not sure of anything and it's really getting to me. The only thing that I am sure of is the fact that I miss living with my boyfriend in my apartment up north! I am jobless, moneyless, hopeless... I am so uncertain of where my future is going to take me. I have a degree that is basically worthless which was all fine and good to me while I was in school but now all I can do is think of how badly I fucked myself over. I mean I have back up plans for when things dont go well but that takes more money and more time and more school that I am just not sure i have the energy for. I feel like I'm suffocating. I hate living at home. Not that its bad because it isnt. It's nice to be around my friends and family again but I miss having my own place where I could live how I wanted to live and be with Justin. I love living with him and now it feels like its going to be forever until i get to live with him again and I feel like I'm makeing a mistake not living with him as long as I possibly could. But other than that I just feel like my life is never going to go anywhere. I mean my grades suck, my major was art, I dont have experience in ANYTHING except retail...I dont know what to do. I'm so lost right now. I just wish I had someone to tell me exactly what to do and where to go and how to do it. All the time I was in school I thought about how much easier life would be once I was done with school. If I could just get done with school life would become a piece of cake. Suddenly now I realize that life is a hell of a lot harder than I thought when school is no longer an option. I just wish I went into a more sensible area than art. I also wish that Justin could magically graduate next semester and we could move on with our lives. I also wish that I had a different job background. I ALSO wish that the YMCA would call me back to work there because that would be perfect right now. Anyways...If you stuck through this entry, thank you for listening. If not, I dont blame you. Sorry about the pitty party it just seems like this is the only place to vent stuff that's on my mind.
Anyways....big weekend of good times comming up. Friday I'm going out with Brooke to Tequila Rain then Saturday is Kimmy B-day! So we're celebrating that! Caitlin's birthday is also on saturday but we're celebrating tommorow (well technically today). The more stuff I do the more distracted I get from my crazy head...okay time for bed...hopefully I dont get dismembered in my dreams again tonight....
Okay so here's the deal. I am finding myself extreamly uncomfortable in my own skin lately. I'm not sure of anything and it's really getting to me. The only thing that I am sure of is the fact that I miss living with my boyfriend in my apartment up north! I am jobless, moneyless, hopeless... I am so uncertain of where my future is going to take me. I have a degree that is basically worthless which was all fine and good to me while I was in school but now all I can do is think of how badly I fucked myself over. I mean I have back up plans for when things dont go well but that takes more money and more time and more school that I am just not sure i have the energy for. I feel like I'm suffocating. I hate living at home. Not that its bad because it isnt. It's nice to be around my friends and family again but I miss having my own place where I could live how I wanted to live and be with Justin. I love living with him and now it feels like its going to be forever until i get to live with him again and I feel like I'm makeing a mistake not living with him as long as I possibly could. But other than that I just feel like my life is never going to go anywhere. I mean my grades suck, my major was art, I dont have experience in ANYTHING except retail...I dont know what to do. I'm so lost right now. I just wish I had someone to tell me exactly what to do and where to go and how to do it. All the time I was in school I thought about how much easier life would be once I was done with school. If I could just get done with school life would become a piece of cake. Suddenly now I realize that life is a hell of a lot harder than I thought when school is no longer an option. I just wish I went into a more sensible area than art. I also wish that Justin could magically graduate next semester and we could move on with our lives. I also wish that I had a different job background. I ALSO wish that the YMCA would call me back to work there because that would be perfect right now. Anyways...If you stuck through this entry, thank you for listening. If not, I dont blame you. Sorry about the pitty party it just seems like this is the only place to vent stuff that's on my mind.
Anyways....big weekend of good times comming up. Friday I'm going out with Brooke to Tequila Rain then Saturday is Kimmy B-day! So we're celebrating that! Caitlin's birthday is also on saturday but we're celebrating tommorow (well technically today). The more stuff I do the more distracted I get from my crazy head...okay time for bed...hopefully I dont get dismembered in my dreams again tonight....