Life by Dave's terms
Today, I walked in the Promised Land, and it was good.
Today, I touched the hand of God, and it was everything I thought it could be.
Today, I was enlightened to the meaning of life, and my life has changed.
Today, I ate a Biggie Size Triple Cheeseburger from Wendy's, and I am finally a man because of it.
Some say the path to manhood is filled with many obstacles-- grow into adulthood, get a career, find a wife, have a family. But I tell you this: there is only once obstacle that lies in your path. You take that last bite, you shove that last fry in your mouth, you sip that final gulp of root beer, and you feel born again. Born into a world free of hate and suffering, a world only of tasty burgers and ketchupy fries, where no evil can lie.
And so I call onto you all to do one thing before you die and one thing only: when placing your order in life, make it, "A Biggie Size number 3 please, no tomatoes or onions." Think big, order big, live big.
Finally, in the words of the man who has walked in the heavens, "That's one small [bite] for man, one giant [meal] for mankind."
Today, I touched the hand of God, and it was everything I thought it could be.
Today, I was enlightened to the meaning of life, and my life has changed.
Today, I ate a Biggie Size Triple Cheeseburger from Wendy's, and I am finally a man because of it.
Some say the path to manhood is filled with many obstacles-- grow into adulthood, get a career, find a wife, have a family. But I tell you this: there is only once obstacle that lies in your path. You take that last bite, you shove that last fry in your mouth, you sip that final gulp of root beer, and you feel born again. Born into a world free of hate and suffering, a world only of tasty burgers and ketchupy fries, where no evil can lie.
And so I call onto you all to do one thing before you die and one thing only: when placing your order in life, make it, "A Biggie Size number 3 please, no tomatoes or onions." Think big, order big, live big.
Finally, in the words of the man who has walked in the heavens, "That's one small [bite] for man, one giant [meal] for mankind."