Need more sleep.
You know I honestly miss being a virgin.
At least then I was a sweet guy.
Now I'm a pervert. A lonely pervert at that.
I mean, hm. I don't know how to think of it exactly. I'm a good guy. I'm kind, clumsy, I try to be considerate. I'm socially unskilled and miss cues a lot. :-(
I try to be really nice to people, but I still attract a lot of teasing and mocking because something about me just seems to point me out as a target for that kind of behavior.
I mean, my interests are anime, history, gaming, videogames, and movies. These are not really girl magnetty things. I try to broaden my horizons and occasionally enjoy doing so. But I'm not confident, nor do I really have taste or enjoyment for things beyond my private little geek obsessions. They just seem bland and tasteless to me.
I'm just like everyone else in a lot of ways. I ache when I'm hurting, I cry when something moves me emotionally, and I search for meaning each day.
I know I'm good looking, too. I don't even think I give off the desperate vibe anymore. That would imply I give off a vibe at all. I think I'm kind of flat affect and goofy to most girls. Maybe intimidating. I'm unsure.
Lately I seem to reserve my angsting. It'll burst out for a moment with my friends but nobody gets the full story or actually manages to hear what I really want to ask for, which is some help meeting girls. I always complain for a minute, realize I'm angsting, and switch subjects with all the speed and skill of an ADHD ferret on a shot of double espresso. Maybe I just realize that asking someone else for help about this sounds a little too pathetic.
I saw Jarhead and enjoyed it immensely. It seemed to point out the utter senselessness of war. And just how awful being in the military is. Every time I get grumpy about one of my jobs I can refer to how shitty the man with the rifle has it, as it were.
Some things never stop hurting, you know. Some cruel words just never stop ripping away at you, eating you like a termite inside a tree.
I'm not a sad man, or even a depressive one. If you were to look at my emotional life, my scars are partially self-inflicted at best. I just.... I don't know. I have very little emotional courage. And when I get disappointed, it stays with me for a while. Add to this a lot of dates that have never gone anywhere, and you begin to see why I'm somewhat disinterested in dating and more interested in anime or gaming or whatnot.
I mean if I could find a girl who was all up on the anime and the gaming and stuff, I'd be set. Particularly if she was into martial arts.
Okay, to be fair, I'm shallow enough to admit I'd need to find her hott.
....
....
What?
I need to be attracted to someone, that's all.
At least then I was a sweet guy.
Now I'm a pervert. A lonely pervert at that.
I mean, hm. I don't know how to think of it exactly. I'm a good guy. I'm kind, clumsy, I try to be considerate. I'm socially unskilled and miss cues a lot. :-(
I try to be really nice to people, but I still attract a lot of teasing and mocking because something about me just seems to point me out as a target for that kind of behavior.
I mean, my interests are anime, history, gaming, videogames, and movies. These are not really girl magnetty things. I try to broaden my horizons and occasionally enjoy doing so. But I'm not confident, nor do I really have taste or enjoyment for things beyond my private little geek obsessions. They just seem bland and tasteless to me.
I'm just like everyone else in a lot of ways. I ache when I'm hurting, I cry when something moves me emotionally, and I search for meaning each day.
I know I'm good looking, too. I don't even think I give off the desperate vibe anymore. That would imply I give off a vibe at all. I think I'm kind of flat affect and goofy to most girls. Maybe intimidating. I'm unsure.
Lately I seem to reserve my angsting. It'll burst out for a moment with my friends but nobody gets the full story or actually manages to hear what I really want to ask for, which is some help meeting girls. I always complain for a minute, realize I'm angsting, and switch subjects with all the speed and skill of an ADHD ferret on a shot of double espresso. Maybe I just realize that asking someone else for help about this sounds a little too pathetic.
I saw Jarhead and enjoyed it immensely. It seemed to point out the utter senselessness of war. And just how awful being in the military is. Every time I get grumpy about one of my jobs I can refer to how shitty the man with the rifle has it, as it were.
Some things never stop hurting, you know. Some cruel words just never stop ripping away at you, eating you like a termite inside a tree.
I'm not a sad man, or even a depressive one. If you were to look at my emotional life, my scars are partially self-inflicted at best. I just.... I don't know. I have very little emotional courage. And when I get disappointed, it stays with me for a while. Add to this a lot of dates that have never gone anywhere, and you begin to see why I'm somewhat disinterested in dating and more interested in anime or gaming or whatnot.
I mean if I could find a girl who was all up on the anime and the gaming and stuff, I'd be set. Particularly if she was into martial arts.
Okay, to be fair, I'm shallow enough to admit I'd need to find her hott.
....
....
What?
I need to be attracted to someone, that's all.