(no subject)
I'm starting to realize that any day i really pursue it, I can find life to be thrilling. It doesnt' take much at all, just some peace and solitude. I laid in the sun on our hard wood deck today for a half hour. It was tremendously uncomfortable. I thought about people who have died from heat. I felt awful for them. It's such a hopeless feeling, to have sweat dripping down your face, just clinging to your body, losing all your energy, knowing it's only going to get slower and heavier. Luckily i chose not to die out there.
Right now i'm reading a book about ten different playwrights. It's a good book, but it's so frustrating, it's like watching a "making-of" documentary for a movie you already have. After a while, you can't take all the commentary, you just want to see the movie for yourself. This goddamn book is going to force me to re-read all of the plays i've already read this summer, just because i'm curious. That'll be at least another week that i can't read Garfield, Out to Lunch.
I have been able to deal with every thought and feeling i've had now for months. I don't understand. This is a completely different mind than i've ever had before. For years, i identified myself as being fickle and out of control. Now the only thing i can't grab hold of and direct is my desire to be stoned. But i know that i can, it will just take some work and cajoling. I don't know what i prefer, having control, or having none. Just letting my head go where it wants, recreating the world. I think if i have the right kind of control, then i can recreate the world whenever i want, and come back whenever i want. I just need a healthier diet. I'm not going anywhere without a healthier diet.
Why do men like women in lingerie? It's so brittle. I prefer someone in a canvas tarp. You can throw them down a spiral staircase and they won't know the difference.
Right now i'm reading a book about ten different playwrights. It's a good book, but it's so frustrating, it's like watching a "making-of" documentary for a movie you already have. After a while, you can't take all the commentary, you just want to see the movie for yourself. This goddamn book is going to force me to re-read all of the plays i've already read this summer, just because i'm curious. That'll be at least another week that i can't read Garfield, Out to Lunch.
I have been able to deal with every thought and feeling i've had now for months. I don't understand. This is a completely different mind than i've ever had before. For years, i identified myself as being fickle and out of control. Now the only thing i can't grab hold of and direct is my desire to be stoned. But i know that i can, it will just take some work and cajoling. I don't know what i prefer, having control, or having none. Just letting my head go where it wants, recreating the world. I think if i have the right kind of control, then i can recreate the world whenever i want, and come back whenever i want. I just need a healthier diet. I'm not going anywhere without a healthier diet.
Why do men like women in lingerie? It's so brittle. I prefer someone in a canvas tarp. You can throw them down a spiral staircase and they won't know the difference.