i'm not really one for passing on chainletters, but...
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ...
these are all numbered ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear
us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married
is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're
stuck with her.
1 . Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do
it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a
fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about
you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or
monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee
or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell
they're saying anyway.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's
like camping.
Girl: Hey baby!
Guy: Hi hottie, i am so horny, you wanna come over?
Girl: of course baby! what time?
Guy: NOW!
Girl: wait...whats that noise?
Guy: I dont hear anything..
Girl: No, its like a moaning.
Guy: I think thats just the porn
Girl: I think your right. Im going to walk over to your house now...should i bring my massage oil?
Guy: You know what i love.
when she left her house, she forgot one important thing...to lock the door...
when she was walking down the street, a black cat crossed her path. she shrugged and thought, thats akward.
then she walked under a ladder.
then she stepped on a crack. her poor mother in germany died.
then she decided to walk into a movie store, in which she saw a movie that said she would die in 7 days.
the tv turned to static as she left. the store owner called the goddamned tv company that promised a replacement.
then she finally got to her boyfriends house. and then the fun started ;-)
but she forgot one little detail. HER BOYFRIEND WAS ALLERGIC TO LAVENDER MASSAGE OIL!
he unfortunetly was dead when she got there. his murderer thought he was hot...too hot to live
girl: hey you want to hook up?
murderer: sure.
then they died, because the girl from the ring had followed her and got tired of walking after her i mean seriously, this girl cant walk in a fucking straight line.
IF YOU DONT PASS THIS ON IN 3 SECONDS AFTER READING THE FIRST LETTER YOU WILL DEVOLOPE HERPES, GONORRHEA, AND CRABS. THEN YOUR FRIENDS WILL HATE YOU, YOUR FAMILY WILL DISSOWN YOU AND YOU WILL START TO SMELL. AFTER THAT, THE CAT LADY WILL FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE AND MOVE IN WITH YOU AND YOU WILL KILL YOURSELF IN DESPERATION AND THE REMAINS OF YOU WILL BE EATIN BY CATS.
if you do pass this on, your wildest dreams will come true, and all your allergies will go away and you will win the lottery.
repost this with the subject "this made me cry"
50 things about guys that girls DONT know
1. Guys hate sluts.
2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.
5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-
how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
11. Guys get jealous easily.
12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.
13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
16. Girls are guys' weaknesses.
17. Guys are very open about themselves.
18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.
19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationship.
23. Guys will brag about anything.
24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.
25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.
27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.
29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up.
30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped. I do not, I promise!
34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
37. Guys don't really have final decisions.
38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. DUH!!!!
41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.
42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.....
45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.no person can handle all their problems on their own.. dumb ass.. lol
N0W PASS iT 0N WiTHiN 2 MiNUTES 0R Y0U WiLL HAVE A BAD L0VE LiFE F0R A YEAR !!!!!!!
the ending of the second one is funny. also, i made one a looooong time ago, http://wangatrocious.tripod.com/chainletter.html