Willing - Chapter 4/? - Kai x Aoi
Willing
Author: wane_of_undoing
Chapter: 4/?
Bands: the GazettE
Genre: AU, (a bit) paranormal
Warnings: violence, language, blood, dark topics (?), mentions of adultery, false accusations, sex, stupid people
Disclaimer: Don't own. Shoo go away! I would have made Kai cook for me XD
Rating: NC-17 Pairing: Kai/Aoi, Aoi/Kai, Uruha/Aoi
Summary: When the one you hold closest to your heart has a curse of agony you can take away...but only by the direst of means. Would you?
A/N: Please be aware that I will change the warnings from chapter to chapter from time to time. Long chapter for my long absence >_>; Well, I don’t know how often I post myself so > W <;
A/N 2: There’s probably a couple of medical things I fudged. >_>; I was too lazy too look them up so please condone them.
When Kai woke, Aoi was not there. His anchor was not there. But luckily, the voice had not decided to wake yet and he had a moment of still to enjoy, he would have, except now he was frantic over where his lover had gone. They had always promised to wake each other, at least be there when the other woke. It was one of his quiet indulgences he liked to see happen every one in a while…
But he wasn't there. But he wasn't here, laying on his side like usual-a cheeky, sleepy smile on his face, his full lips mumbling something between “I want to sleep more,” and “Good morning, lovely.” He managed to lift up his head to see the bland white clock on the hospital bedside table: 10:28 AM. He calmed his nerves down and reassured himself that the nurses probably had woken Aoi so he could go back to his room for the morning doctor's rounds. That had to be it. It was getting late, any later Kai knew he wouldn't be able to do anything the rest of the day, having not started up properly in a morning hour at all.
Strangely, the wounds had seemed to close up pretty quickly…but the moment the brunette moved, a line of fire struck down his back. Guess not. The Burning Man could have put poison on his claws….or whatever they were. He dismissed the idea, having already paid the sad price for it. The Devil would have no need to give him relief from his newly acquired hell-on-Earth any time soon. He pulled himself out of bed anyway, taking care not to put too much pressure on his left arm, securely bandaged now. For a moment, the blood from his head tipped and rushed to his feet making him rather dizzy. He shut his eyes, waiting for the orthostatic hypotension to pass. With his orientations back to normal, Kai slipped on the plain hospital slippers and shuffled out of his room, pulling his IV stand along with him.
A nurse, a woman, brunette curls with light makeup dressed in crème colored scrubs came up to him. “Are you alright, Kai?”
His head reeled. Just those words. And the laughing, it was quiet, but nevertheless, it had started. “Of course I'm alright.” The woman parroted his own voice in his head and he staggered backwards, trying to find his way back into his own room. Everyone of them looked the same. The brunette didn't even bother answering the woman. He needed…
“You need him don't you? So where is he?”
Just be quiet. You don't know who you're talking about. He hated how weak it sounded in his own mind. Like he was a butterfly underneath a giant's hand and fine point needle.
Where was he…?
Somehow, through unfocused eyes, Kai managed to find his room stumbling into the bed and curling up on his side, ignorant of the nurse in crème scrubs who had followed him, worried.
“You know he's left you because you're never attentive enough to him before, so why should you deserve any? You know that. I'm all you have now. So just believe me won't you? I want you to take that IV and smash it through the glass dor…”
Go away.
“That's not helping, sweetie. Come on, say it with me, it's not hard. Don't you like those words---“Come one, say it with me with me with me with me…”
He held his head in his hands, fingers wrapping around his own dark chocolate hair and pulling hard, as if the pain would make the throb in his head her voice caused to go away. Go away. It did fade a little, his concentration on something else.
“He didn't believe you could do such a thing in the end…see? He'll be too late. He'll be too late. He'll be home now, talking with his other friends… the people he'll talk to..”
“Shut up.” Kai murmured into the pillow, now pressing his forehead against it, wishing it was a harder surface.
At that moment, he felt a touch of blankets on his legs as if they were coming up to cover him. The brunette jerked onto his back, eyes wide only to find the same nurse pulling the covers.
“Wh-where is Aoi?” he managed through tightly grit teeth, eyes closing tightly shut again. She didn't seem to stop laughing, ever.
The nurse paused in tucking the edges of the coverlets in. “Aoi?” she said in a soft confused tone for a moment. “Oh, your lover… I thought you knew he was discharged just yesterday. You've been asleep for two days now. Would you like me to call him for you? Someone named Uruha came to pick him up…A close friend I think…”
Kai closed his eyes, shaking his head weakly. “No, nevermind, thank you…” He closed his doors to the outside world and focused on his own. She was going through his memories, like a leech, digging into the skin of his mind, tearing open the barriers of hate, hurt, sorrow he had bottled up, never to look at again, just there subliminally.
Get out of my memories.
“But Kai-darling, I'm part of you. Of course I already know these things. Won't you look at them with me? They're quite a treasure you know. You know, look back on the good memories, those good old days before you met Aoi?”
Get out. He didn't want to spare any words for the voice in his mind. It was just a sliver of insanity… All he need now was to know Aoi was coming to visit… coming to visit…
~~~
“Sir? Sir?! You can't discharge yet! The doctors said-!”
“I don’t care. Just fuck off.”
He pulled his coat on, washed by the hospital like he asked them to. It smelled like the flimsy hospital pajamas he had been in for the last four days. And Aoi hadn’t come by at all… Granted, he had been asleep for much of the days and lay awake, staring up at the plastic coverings over the unlit fluorescent lights. Maybe… he had just missed him all the time… He fumbled in the jeans pocket for his house keys and wallet, eyes slowly making their way across the spotted tiled floor, up the nurses clogs, up her pastel pink-scrubs and up to her face. Her ugly face. He wondered if it was anything like the woman’s voice echoing incessantly in his head.
The nurse in the door way of the room looked torn between wanting to block the door way and getting a doctor… evidenced by how she clung to the doorframe and yet was glancing every five seconds or so at the nurses’ station she knew that was empty right now, as it was at this hour of the night, the usual 1:00 AM drunks being driven in-some half dead, some groaning in pain and regret.
The brunette caught sight of his wallet and keys on the plastic bedside table and he grabbed them, already making his way towards the door. True, pain still stung up his back and his arm, but there were worse things eating away at him inside. Worse than the burning pain every time he used any muscles in his back that rippled the healing skin. Worse than the feeling of lead weights in his half his brain morphine had given him-at least it dulled the pain of his movements.
“Mr. Kai, it’s really best if you stay put or you’ll-“
Said man simply brushed her aside. He didn’t want to hurt her…but by now, the voice was screaming for blood, something new.
“Don’t come near me.” He growled through gritted teeth. He knew it was unlike him to be this rude, this severe with people, but he was afraid what he would do if he… lost control.
“Why don’t you try it? It’ll be fun.”
Shut up.
“Why don’t you, why don’t you? Why don’t you? You know you’re a failure. Just believe me. You’ll be better off because you’re so stupid not to believe me. Believe me. Why don’t you? Why don’t you? Why…. Why…”
Everything was blurring before him, the screams of “Why” in his head, the groaning of people, curt words of doctors, some nurse trying to get his attention again filtered through the voice’s sound in his head.
Find... Emergency sign… Find the door. Door…
The clown red, lighted letters seem to laugh at him, because he was slipping. In his consciousness, it was clawing through the thin, tiny piece of sanity he had left. He felt his hands make contact with the cold, dirty floor, jerked his head up, a last-ditch effort to move his legs, and he was out on the concrete, the wind whipping its greeting into his face. Kai was crying, crying out in relief, crying because she wouldn’t leave, crying because no one was here to take him home, crying because…
In front of him were two pairs of feet, one he knew so well, after so many days of putting them neatly next to his own sneakers, lovingly scolding their owner for being lazy. The other…
Kai let his eyes rove up to meet the faces.
“If you had stopped, and just let go, Kai-dearest, you wouldn’t be here to face this.”