stuck at the computer doing research

[wandervogel]

I am excited.... Liz just told me Ani is playing april 30th. so that will be my bday celebration even though its a few weeks late. oh well, ani. ani. ani. need my fuel.

on a side note, got home from class and the message was blinking on my answer machine.
a message not for me
but for her.
she hasnt been here for months
and it was some woman asking for her blah blah blah

little reminders that just crush you in till you are incapable of breathing

we were gonna get married.
she was the first person i ever wanted to marry. strange. as i get older i actaully think about things like who i am going to share christmas with when i am fourty.... and i want someone to do that with. two years ago i didnt care where i was as long as it was an adventure. i still feel that way i just want someone to share it with

shit
i am so down right now
its crappy.
today is crappy.
but jessica will be here in a couple of hours for an hour or so... but at least i can have my monthly fix of my girl.
she always makes things a little brighter.

and hell i dont even believe in the marriage thing not that i could if i wanted to.. but ya know.
ugh arg.
going now.
gone.