It's been a bit of a day....
Went to bed too late. I need to disavow myself of my newest distraction, because it is starting to become as such. I'm need to stop letting my newest shiny fascination from running away with my routines and rules. Routines and rules are good. They're in place for a reason.
Not that I missed much today at all. I had to sit out of Tai Chi because the doctor said nothing extraneous for at least a week. British Literature was "Bartelby, the scrivener" which wasn't a very rousing reading anyway. And math was a completely bombed test. I'm trying to focus on it mostly though. Also, finally got an appointment in federal aide. Apparently my reason for denial on the income reduction form i finally found out was because Gordon didn't submit all the info they'd requested of him. I was missing his last pay stub and unemployment work up. I found out today I might have gotten federal aide already if not for his missing documentation. Wee. I know that now. Now that they have jobs and the money situation is once again different.
I asked someone a little while ago what they wanted, and received simple answers. Sometimes all you have is simple answers of the moment. I want for so much though.
to graduate. to be a writer. to travel the world.
Those are my simplicities. But I want to know more. I want to sap the skin and suck the marrow.
I long for things I don't have words to grasp. I long for someone to hold me close and just whisper that they love me till it sinks into my skin. I long for someone to kiss me in a manner that will melt my knees and my will and all of my fears. I long for fingers to stroke my skin without the need for some sexual tension and sexual out come. I long for love that hasn't known pain or jaded hurt. I long for an unedangered safety. I long for simple sweet innocence tasted on the summer wind. I long for conversations deep into the night from someone who wants to see my mind and not my body as the whole of who I am. I long for trust and truth and justice and acceptance without the need for dispelling paranoia.
The ritual Saturday night was amazing. I saw myself through eyes in ways I never thought I was perceived, in colors and details I would never attribute to myself. I don't see myself in colors and pictures, but more as a montogue on my heart or my mind. As an illusion that holds the real me in something solid. The picture of myself in my head holds other eyes though now, eyes with laughter and eyes with tears, falling, folding, drowning, and found.....but definitely different eyes.
Not that I missed much today at all. I had to sit out of Tai Chi because the doctor said nothing extraneous for at least a week. British Literature was "Bartelby, the scrivener" which wasn't a very rousing reading anyway. And math was a completely bombed test. I'm trying to focus on it mostly though. Also, finally got an appointment in federal aide. Apparently my reason for denial on the income reduction form i finally found out was because Gordon didn't submit all the info they'd requested of him. I was missing his last pay stub and unemployment work up. I found out today I might have gotten federal aide already if not for his missing documentation. Wee. I know that now. Now that they have jobs and the money situation is once again different.
I asked someone a little while ago what they wanted, and received simple answers. Sometimes all you have is simple answers of the moment. I want for so much though.
to graduate. to be a writer. to travel the world.
Those are my simplicities. But I want to know more. I want to sap the skin and suck the marrow.
I long for things I don't have words to grasp. I long for someone to hold me close and just whisper that they love me till it sinks into my skin. I long for someone to kiss me in a manner that will melt my knees and my will and all of my fears. I long for fingers to stroke my skin without the need for some sexual tension and sexual out come. I long for love that hasn't known pain or jaded hurt. I long for an unedangered safety. I long for simple sweet innocence tasted on the summer wind. I long for conversations deep into the night from someone who wants to see my mind and not my body as the whole of who I am. I long for trust and truth and justice and acceptance without the need for dispelling paranoia.
The ritual Saturday night was amazing. I saw myself through eyes in ways I never thought I was perceived, in colors and details I would never attribute to myself. I don't see myself in colors and pictures, but more as a montogue on my heart or my mind. As an illusion that holds the real me in something solid. The picture of myself in my head holds other eyes though now, eyes with laughter and eyes with tears, falling, folding, drowning, and found.....but definitely different eyes.