2014 RCG Fall Retreat - Day II of III
Goddess of Mystery, cloak me in your magic veil
Avalon is calling, waiting for the mist to rise
Come be the magic on the isle of mystery
2014 RCG Fall Retreat
Saturday morning started quietly and in good, slow fashion. There was a oatmeal breakfast bar, and though I'm still pretty starch-free I don't complain too much at functions where teams of people are cooking for me. It was homemade in a crock pot all night, with cranberries in it. Then I added brown sugar, honey, maple, black berries, blue berries, and raspberries to it. If you're going to go, it might as well be a good splurge, right?
(Also, my hard boiled egg & chai tea)
We had a little more free time after food, to make rooms nice, and find the things we need to have with us during the day, get comfortable, situated, and then we gathered in the main room to start our work for the day. This time we called in Bloduwedd, The Flower Faced, of the White Spring.
We got comfortable to have our trance lead-in, again. Journeying from the barge, across the Red Spring, past the Tor to where the White Spring bubble, calling us. Through the cold and the winter, to come to her, where the trees of the orchards reached up like skeletal fingers.
For this Goddess we moved in a completely different pattern. We were moved to the tables to begin working on a craft with was our "Symbol of Creation." It could like whatever we wanted it to, and be about whatever seemed best to us.
(This was my finished product, even though it did take me until the end of the retreat to complete some last pieces of it. The Red, White, Black for the symbols of the weekend and the Apples. Red skin, White for the Soul, and Black for the authentic Priestess Self/Magic. An apple slice gifted from the Red Spring for The Isle of the Apples. The curl of the labryinth, made with apple seeds [from later in Blodeuwedd], touching all the symbols of Avalon/Avalon's Goddesses of the weekend.)
When we were done, or with whatever you had done, once the time allotted was up, we were asked to bring our symbols and follow Bloduewedd to The White Spring. A gorgeous altar outside where we were asked to make a promise to listen to our souls. We were asked to step up and repeat after her, and plunge our hand into the White Spring.
"By her eternal waters,
I vow to remember
To do as my soul says."
I remember leaving my fingers in the frigid white water until the tips of my fingers with partially number and it was tingling up to my elbow. Eyes closed tight. Tell myself to remember. This moment. These words. To listen to my soul. Before I pulled it off and she patted dry my hand, before turning to the next priestess to step up and swear, each in their own time.
So many women were crying through this, as everyone said not one single word but the words we were asked to repeat. I managed not to feel like I need to tear up or cry during any of this part, but as soon as we moved on to a very apropos chant, I was pretty much gone and into crying about a line and half in. Letting tears roll down my cheeks as I sang, or whispered, or simply mouthed the words along.
I am breathing, I am open, I am willing
to step out into the unknown.
I am walking through uncertain, I am willing
to listen to the yearning of my soul
If my soul says so
I do as my soul says.
After finished with it, we were given an apple by Blodeuwedd and asked to eat deep of the bounty of the Isle. (These apples, from my own and everyone else who helped, was where I got the apple seeds for my Symbol of Creation above, too.) We moved inside and then we were given our questions for mediating and answering over Blodeuwedd.
The Station of Emergence
1. If there were nothing preventing you from embodying your Authentic Priestess Self, what would this life look like?
Happier. Calmer. My house finally unpacked. With things on the walls. More Chakra Work. More RCG classes, and less RCG drama.
2. What could you accomplish toward actualizing your Authentic Priestess Self in a year? 6 months? 2 months? Next week?
Next Week
- Set a Chakra plan & stick to it
- Set an Astrology Book plan & stick to it
2 Months
- Take part in RCG Path Planning & choose one to teach
- Make the Astrology necklaces
- Join WTI/RCGI
6 Months
- Change from Svadhisthana (Sacral Chakra) to Manipura (Solar Chakra)
- Be at Blue Moon Meets Imbolc (...if I'm not too late?)
1 year
- Make a plan for a pilgrimage
3. Review your insights from The Stations of Descent & Confrontation. How can you use these hard-earned wisdoms in the work of the Station of Emergence?
Let them build upon each other.
What will you take forward? What will you leave behind?
Found: Myself
Leave: My war
We spent out time processing what had happened and writing until it was lunch time. There was a lot of fertile during this afternoon. While lunch was being made, we all gathered and learned the afternoon/evening chant as well, too.
Powerful song of radiant light
Weave us a web that sings the night
Web of stars that holds the dark
Weaves us the earth the fees the night
A little before, during, and after mostly we had free time and eating time. I spent a good deal of this still working on my Symbol of Creation. Trying to get everything right to the way I wanted it, with some bright white spaces left on it still, in case there were things that happened in later lessons with the other two Goddesses we had yet to meet that I would want reflected on my symbol.
I took a small nap in here, and read some of my book, as well. Relaxing through the day, with less trepidation than I'd had with the previous day. It was like knowing what my load was and which sensitive parts of myself I'd be dragging out into the light I was far more okay with it. I knew how hard it would be, and where to push to get myself to do the work that was most needed in those places.
When we came back together, it was time for us to meet Arianrhod.
We gathered once more for our meditative trance in the great room, to journey from the barge, past the Red Spring, besides the Tor, where the White Spring flowed and onward to The Mound. Arianrhod's Mound. We stood, and were asked to go to The Mound itself, outside, as group, in stead of one by one, where we would find our Lady waiting for us with a special charge.
Each of us was given a snow white mantle, with the symbols of the weekend down the center. We were asked to spend the afternoon working on it, and this is where I nose-dived on Saturday. I was really in love with my mantle until I screwed up first one thing on the center and then one on the side. I ended up so mad and disgusted and disappointed in myself I was nauseous, and I didn't want to have Arianhrod put my mantle on my shoulders when our allotted time was up.
I couldn't even get it off my shoulders fast enough when we came inside.
But. And this is the insane part maybe (especially for the epiphany you'll see in Part III).
I spent the next two hours still working on it. Fuming. Ranting. Frowning. Not really answering when people told me it looked gorgeous. Standing there, so angry with myself and my 'inability to art,' but refusing to let it stay looking all stupid. Wanting people to validate my work, but entirely not willing to hear them, believe them when they made comments about it. Keeping it laid out across one of the only three large tables we had.
Meticulously drawing the letter symbols and then geometric ones for Chakras on one side. Meticulously copying Elemental symbols on the other. Continually staring at the part in the middle of my spine I could not fix where I'd mixed up the information for two of the goddesses, that I could see even if no one else could.
At some point, I can't really remember when, probably once I'd finished the elements and chakra down each shoulder and far side, to fix the one error I had made in seriousness (that can't be found now), I decided to sit down and work on Arianhrod's questions finally. (Somehow, it seems hers are the only questions I didn't get a picture of as well).
Station of Resolution
1. What keeps you connected to your personal vision for your Authentic Priestess Self?
RCG. Personal Work. Charka Girls. Goddesses. Elements. Blue Moon Meets.
2. What do you consider beautiful about yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually? How do you devalue this? How would your life be different if you could learn to birth the potential in you?
Physically: I love my hair, my breasts, my eyes, the work my joints do.
Emotionally: I love that I go through so much, heal so much, and forgive so easily.
Spiritually: That my path has been easy for me to walk most of my life.
I devalue the beauty in myself by forgetting it is there in me, around me, or by taking it for granted.
Everything.
After this we broke for dinner, again. This was my group's meal, and dinner was a fun event. I love making magic in the kitchen, and I love getting to work close with my sisters while doing it. Dinner went off without a hitch, and the eating was wonderful. We had about an hour after dinner, too, before we needed to get dressed for ritual outside.
With our mantles on, again. Which made me make a lot of faces. Because I was deeply unhappy with it still.
We gathered in our mantles, behind The Lady of the Lake, who had led us in everything, and she led us back to the mound, where all of the Goddesses were together, a row of beautiful, powerful women, all in black clothes, to contrast out red and white outfits, and our white color-covered mantles. It was amazing. I don't remember exactly a lot of what happened in ritual. It was cold, and they each spoke quite a bit about their message.
The importance of each piece to pull together The Authentic Priestess Self.
We did a ritual of passing through a gateway, and as we each did, we were say "I am a daughter of Avalon," as a statement to the universe. But that didn't feel right in mouth, patient on my tongue, as I watched the women around the circle do so. I had been dedicated to Moraine, and I had spent nearly a decade studying Arthurian Legends. Avalon was a home more than new solace.
What I ended up saying, when it got to me is, "I am, and will always be, a daughter of Avalon."
There was a drum circle outside, but I decided I'd rather spend the night in quite contemplation and writing. I packed before sleeping, since it would make the morning easier, but I did not go to sleep until quite late. Until I was beyond certain I was last person on that dark, star shaped parcel of wilderness, still awake, caught in the sway of words and the wild.
The Journey to Avalon
Part I | Part I.V | Part II | Part III
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