Not having so great a day, week, something…year?
Newest unemployed week.
Subpar-paying two-week job ended last Friday. Two weeks, nice people, mostly computer playing or Kindle reading boredom while answering phones for eight hours a day while two offices consolidated into one (/and covering for the receptionist the fired the week prior). But now it's three days into this week and I feel like getting through every hour is a mountainous task, again.
I'm tired of being in this year of unemployment. I'm tired of putting in applications nearly daily, and calling my five (six? seven?) temp companies every Monday at eight am, or daily when they haven't returned a call I made. I'm tired of getting jobs my bosses tell me I'll be at for another year, or temp company tells me I'll have indefinitely, only to be told the next week they are supremely sorry but I have to be let go. For budgets, or rules they can't break, or spaces they only had for a few days.
I'm incredibly tired of how guilty everyone is toward me at that point, how frustrating it is to have people want you to understand, and not feel bad, who are then incredibly awkward if you do look like it hurts or feels bad. Tired of bosses who jokingly tell me it must be so freeing and wonderful to be able to bounce around everywhere so much. Tired of being repeatedly told I'm so amazing, faster than expected at everything, and yet no one can keep me.
While I watch as my bank account hurls toward its actual bottom after supporting me for six months.
Frustrated this afternoon. Just, so, frustrated. I just want a job. To work. To pay Earl, and my bills. To get to travel a few times in the year. To not feel increasingly like my worth is being redefined and reclassified over and over and over by this even in just how I see myself.
Think I'm going to get a post-gym shower and figuring out whether I'm going to take a nap and hide in my bed or start Trigun
[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2242216.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]
Subpar-paying two-week job ended last Friday. Two weeks, nice people, mostly computer playing or Kindle reading boredom while answering phones for eight hours a day while two offices consolidated into one (/and covering for the receptionist the fired the week prior). But now it's three days into this week and I feel like getting through every hour is a mountainous task, again.
I'm tired of being in this year of unemployment. I'm tired of putting in applications nearly daily, and calling my five (six? seven?) temp companies every Monday at eight am, or daily when they haven't returned a call I made. I'm tired of getting jobs my bosses tell me I'll be at for another year, or temp company tells me I'll have indefinitely, only to be told the next week they are supremely sorry but I have to be let go. For budgets, or rules they can't break, or spaces they only had for a few days.
I'm incredibly tired of how guilty everyone is toward me at that point, how frustrating it is to have people want you to understand, and not feel bad, who are then incredibly awkward if you do look like it hurts or feels bad. Tired of bosses who jokingly tell me it must be so freeing and wonderful to be able to bounce around everywhere so much. Tired of being repeatedly told I'm so amazing, faster than expected at everything, and yet no one can keep me.
While I watch as my bank account hurls toward its actual bottom after supporting me for six months.
Frustrated this afternoon. Just, so, frustrated. I just want a job. To work. To pay Earl, and my bills. To get to travel a few times in the year. To not feel increasingly like my worth is being redefined and reclassified over and over and over by this even in just how I see myself.
Think I'm going to get a post-gym shower and figuring out whether I'm going to take a nap and hide in my bed or start Trigun
[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2242216.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]