22 symbols, 22 faces, 22 wisdoms; teaching me
RCG Tarot Archetype Path 2011-2012
Judgment & Justice
This is nearly a moment late, but I kept promising myself I would not let it slip into oblivion because of that. But this is Path from the first weekend in February, and luckily I keep my short hand notes in my journal for this and other such reasons of write-ups. I was very curious and wary of this specific Tarot Path honestly. Not in a bad way, but because Judgment is my Life Card. While I understand what it is to have The High Priestess as my Soul Card, I've always been a little confused and sheepish and wary toward my Life Card.
Which is the exact reason why when I was approached to see if I wanted to Co-Facilitate the day the month prior, I turned it down, very gracefully. Because what I really wanted was to show up, to be taught, to see if I would find that magic and meaning and archetype within myself. So the morning came, and I packed everything into my bag and headed into town to meet the day.
We started outside singing or chanting gently, She changes everything touches,
And everything she touches changes.
Over and over until you sort of slip off with it, and the quiet peace of the outdoor morning in the garden area. Until a brassy french horn sounded, and we all turned to look. Dressed all white, holding it, shoulders back and imperious without being severe, was our Judgment, calling out "Arise!", calling out "Follow Me!" And so we did. Toward the Sanctuary, where as we walked through suddenly there was another voice, calling out.
"Wait, Heed my warning." Our figure of Justice, with her eyes covered. And as Judgment continued to parade around the inner sanctum, calling out still "Come sisters! Follow me! Let us go!" Justice warned us that, Judgment does not remember well several things. That mortal lives have mortal skins and mortal seams. That she does not stay down, does not look back, she doesn't remember always what it is to be human, to have a human life, what that costs, in following her.
Our check-in for the morning, was actually to talk about how the whole beginning made us feel. And it was at this point I began to see the vast difference and alignments of this day in myself. Almost everyone spoke of feeling safer and more grounded because of Justice's warnings and reminders, more prepared to be decided and careful with following or and care of themselves because of it. I remember feeling a little more surprised each time every sister of mine said it, until it reached me second-to-last at the end of the circle. I spoke about being uncertain about how this day would hit me, because of Judgment being my life card, but definitely seeing how different it might be already. Because when the horn sounded I had been perfectly ready to flow from chant in following Judgment. That the entire time Justice, in the threshold had been speaking I'd been very torn. I knew I should be listening to the warnings, the small voice in the back of my head that recognized this tiny voice, these quiet reminders.
Patience. Mortality. Your skin. Your life. Be ware. Be careful. Keep one foot here.
But all that I wanted in those minutes, enough that my gaze kept going into the main room while Justice had spoken, to following that first figure was to go quickly after her. To follow the voice calling out "Come sisters!" And that even quietly prepared for the day, for patience and the knowledge, the tug inside of me had felt minutely irritated and impatient to be made to wait. The thrum in my chest wanting that so much more than this.
After that we learned the chant for the two cards of the day that would match with our ongoing song. For Judgment and Justice, our newest verse wasCome, Come,
Judgment calls me to my destiny,
Come, Come
Balanced and centered, I answer the call
We moved on to a discussion of our Agreements, which are part of each of our Third Thursdays or Path's always. The Agreements
- Think well of self and others
- Take care of yourself; ask for what you need.
- Respect time; attempt to share what time we have so, as much as possible, each woman has her share
- Use " I " statements
- Practice deep listening; please avoid cross talk
- Maintain confidentiality; what happens at RCG should stay at RCG. Respect women's rights to privacy. Not all women are able to express their spiritual practices outside of RCG.
- Respect diversity, and honor the spiritual paths of all sisters
- Out of respect for the work we do, and a desire to act from our authentic selves, we ask that there be no use of alcohol or drugs at RCGSA gatherings or events.
- Leaders and facilitators agree to accept feedback on their impact on the group.
- Above all else, act from love.
Today's activity with them, was to spend a good minute or two discussing one Agreement a piece, and how that Agreement brought Balance to our group. How we'd seen it shape us, what it meant to us that it was there, or to the group. How it changed things, or made it safer. It was a truly beautiful discussion and I love how we've been working The Agreements and what they mean into the group more and more.
We moved on to next a 24 Hour Meditation, which was the second place I felt the stirring of Judgment for me. Our resident trance/hypnotist took us on a journey, where in the middle of the day, this moment, right here, the Goddess came to you and said, you're time was over, that you must follow her. That your time in life was over, there was no moment even to turn around and say your goodbyes. The ribbons had been snapped and you were free to fly on to the next thing. I admit that in hearing this I expect to be more afraid, or reluctant. More something I wasn't, whatever the more was. I felt only the brief remorse that I could not say goodbye. But in the moment, all I could do was, apologize lightly to the air, about not being able to say goodbye, while everything in my thrummed in preparedness to go go go, beyond, to elsewhere, to over. No fear, no guilt, no wracking denial, or need to do something else.
There was only acceptance, only a great gratitude for all that had been given to me, only a great trust in whatever would come to me next.
And amid these thoughts, the trance moved on. Pulled back. What if instead The Goddess turned to you, then? And said you had twenty-four hours. You could return to the world, to mortal coil, and do whatever needed doing in those twenty-four hours before the end would come. Who would you see? Where would you go? What would need saying, doing?
We were invited, to sit up and use the poster board that had been placed quietly by us during it. To take markers and draw or write what our answer to this was. What we would do with twenty-four hours. It took me a while staring at this white poster board, honestly. Feeling this surge of such gratitude and blessing, even in this task. No, not task. In this twenty-four hours. That I would 'gifted' with even twenty-four hours more of this life I love so dear, these people who so fill it.
And so I wrote the following;
I spent a lot of time, brushing my fingers along the sides of these words, thinking about how this, too, was probably Judgment in me. The love for thing world, that was not shaken but stood side by side with my complete faith in the universe. Complete readiness to follow where the path in front of me led. Even if it was one last whispered thought of apology for not being able to say goodbye, or the ability to embrace one last miracle day before turning toward that path as unremorseful well.
We were asked next to journal on our thoughts about what the poster board made us feel. What we thought of ourselves and what we'd written. I don't really like journaling in my shorthand book, because it is just for notes for later write-ups, but I took the time to write down a few lines in it. I am grateful to be this person. Who does all the hard work. Who goes through things as hard as last fall and still emerges like this. Calm. Centered. At peace with the universe. This day. This life. With no regrets, and only love and gratitude to the universe. I can only give the grace of thanks, and thanks, and more thanks to the universe, to every me that was me leading up to this moment.
We had lunch after it, and I ate a decadent spinach salad that I had brought with me, talking to my sisters and listening to the soft, constant brook babble of them around me. Sinking into the quiet contentment of learning, the day and myself, against the sound of so many different voices.
After lunch we the three part chant for the Tarot Path: Main:
Step by step, Making my journey,
Learning my life, with every card I see
Step by Step, Making my journey,
Come, full round, to a deeper, richer me
Cross:
Twenty-two symbols
Twenty-two faces
Twenty-two wisdoms
Teaching me
Judgment/Justice:
Come, Come,
Judgment calls me to my destiny,
Come, Come
Balanced and centered, I answer the call
Then, we had a paper ball fight. At least, hilariously enough, that was how it started. Papers were suddenly thrown toward people, already crumpled in balls, and we were told to get rid of them as quickly as possible. No lead up or explanation, only this. Which hilariously led to so much giggling, and faces, and trying to kick balls on the floor, and tossing them toward everyone and anyone else. And when we were finally all laughing and hardly thinking about it, we were told to pick up one near us.
There were enough for everyone, save three people, and then those of us with a word (mine was dance) were told to hold it up for the sitting people to see. Who then arranged us into a sentence. Which ended up being, 'Balanced, I dance into the arms of my destiny.'
From here, we were asked to get our poster board again and turn it over. Justice read us a poem called "This Mask I Wear" and we were asked to consider what the mask we wear is. And this project was the very hardest thing I did in the entire Judgment/Justice path. I spent a good half of the entire activity time staring down at the white paper uncertain at all of what to draw. Uncertain if i had anything at all to draw even vaguely. While everyone was scribbling away madly, with multiple colors, cutting papers, everything.
So much of my teenage years was about living behind a mask. Angel. Amanda. Whatever I want to call it. I was everything anyone needed to be loved and bolstered by, without being anything that gave me a cent of stability. And it was truly, deeply, terribly awful in some ways, even though i understand how I got there, and how I meant well. At least for everyone but me.
But? I've spent the last twelve or thirteen years deconstructing that in its entire. To the point I don't wear masks. To the point where authenticity is my by line. To where i don't hide anything. My religion. My sexuality. My opinions. My life. And it took me a very long time, if only something like ten minutes, to edit my views on this task to drawing the masks or themes I think that people see most from me and what I display mostly openly in my passions.
The girl with the crazy long hair. The girl who is spiritual, with the necklace I've been wearing the better part of fifteen years now. The girl who loves. The girl who thinks in music and grew up in the study of it. The girl who writes and reads, voraciously. The only thing I could think of with the slight negative connotation even of appearance was that a lot of people look at me and think my body is fine, when it rarely ever actually totally is. Which is the drawing at the top corner.
We took a good period after this one to 'Talk as Our Masks.' I found it very enlightening, and in some place easy to recognize in them the things people were talking about. But I didn't feel called to talk through that one, as I was still coming to a more grounded okay-ness with not having a negative mask image I hid behind or acted from anymore.
After that we learned a new dance from the Dances of Universal Peace. I have to admit I have never yet met a dance from the Dances of Universal Peace that doesn't make me want to laugh and cry and hug people, and this one was quite the same. First we learned all the words to it, and this time it was all in EnglishDeep peace of the running wave to you,
Deep peace of the silent stars,
Deep peace of the flowing air to you,
Deep peace of the quiet earth.
May peace, May peace, May peace fill your soul
May peace, May peace, May peace make you whole
We danced in two different circles, inner and outer, like all the other Universal Dances. During the beginning one, you are with one partner, saying the first two lines. Making your hands as water flowing, then bringing them down to your sides for silent. Then you cross right shoulders and walk to the next person, making the rhythm of air blowing with your hands, and the same down movement for silence.
Then at first line of the second one, you blessed the air around the person in front of you singing that line alone. While the second person/their group returned the blessing, as they alone sang the second line. It ended up so beautiful and we did it for a very long time. Before settling into a circle and doing our check out for the day.