40 Days of Gratitude (Day IV / Thursday)
All that we behold is full of blessings.
~William Wordsworth
Day V - Reformed Congregation of the Goddess
How could I ever -- back in my early twenties, hand in hand with Christine, that day, feeling out of place near so many women and cringing at someone saying 'a-woman' instead of 'amen' -- known that I had stumbled on the group that would truly revolutionize how I viewed group-dynamics, women and spiritual groups all together?
Do you ever recognize the true loves of your life in the first second they look at you? I think though, that you're not meant to entirely. I and this group are nothing now like our child-selves from that then near decade ago. I could not recognize myself, this so deeply in love and in flight with itself, with those ten years younger eyes.
So much has happened. I've come so far.
I've healed so much, learned so much, lost and gained and let go and birthed and released so much. I have gained arms and shoulders and hearts, endless, always there. People who recognize the complicated multi-dualities of life and all situations, who approach all of them with honesty and inclusiveness and acceptance. Sisters. Mentors. Teachers. Friends. Family.
Before this group I did not believe so much in the dynamics of huge groups of women, and that they could always be healthy, and now I look at all the rest of the world and don't understand why everyone else's don't. It's the same for spiritual group dynamics, without ego and without hierarchy. Both of these are the big reasons why I was willing to join leadership and teaching here, after turning it down in every other religious setting I've had for decades.
This place is the safest one I know of. I don't cry near people almost ever. There's something in the miracle effort that it took to cry near Earl, who has all my heart and trust, two weeks ago, even the once, and yet I will go to rituals and cry near dozens of people, because of the safe space afforded here. Over Korea, over past and present lovers, family, deaths, births.
I feel so much of who I am in this place, with these people always. And, as this was written Thursday afternoon, but didn't get finished/posted until days later, I'm including the main chant from that night, too. For Moriggan, because it's stayed in my head and it was so important to me that night.
Come, My Daughter,
Come across the water.
Come, My Daughter,
Journey across the Soul Bridge.
Come, My Daughter,
Join me in the darkness.
Come, My Child,
Be truly who you are.