you trust everyone
I've been thinking about these words off and on. Hope said them this weekend, amidst many other larger things. Not the reason or impetus, but it keeps coming back to my mind. She isn't the first person to say that in my life, not even close to the first few, and I doubt she'll be anywhere near the last either.
I do. Trust everyone. Without really thinking about it. And the universe at large, even more so. Without really thinking about it. To hear me, to understand me, to take care of me, to let me take care of myself, to be its/their authentic, truest self/ves.
Last year I walked down street alley long past dark, and that was beyond leaving everything behind and throwing myself out into the world. I still do things like leave my purse, ipod, kindle on my desk at work, even when I'm walking away for an hour or more. I put my entire being here, where you're reading, almost all filterless.
I believe in the inherent goodness of people, to the point where I have to be reminded to be 'careful' or 'sensible' or 'beware.' I cannot recount for you the number of times the number of people who've said the title words for this post, also sighed in disbelief and frustration for what we can call my continued, stubborn walking barefoot into fire believing.
No matter how much I'd been hurt or been given proof. And sometimes I'm glad that parts of me don't change. The trust. The belief. Steady and true. But other things shift slowly after last year, things I'm not willing to do or be as exactly as I had been once. I don't dig up my own doubt and suspicion without long-term irrefutable proofs.
And even then, I'll cast it aside, for a million reasons, for more chances, for more faith and hope and belief.
Maybe there's something to all that. To the fact I never think about it. There is or was no active agent of judgment and choice. I just give it out without thinking. My whole self. My everything. Then I give it out on faith. For them. ....because once it's been trampled to the point I can no longer sanely or smartly exist as innocent beyond the thought, even willfully in accord,
Then everything that is left is sanction to confusion, doubt, disbelief, and hard facts. Nothing is as easy to rebuild, or as effortless as the first time, when each step, even each thought toward a step, is a conscious scale-balancing.
I do. Trust everyone. Without really thinking about it. And the universe at large, even more so. Without really thinking about it. To hear me, to understand me, to take care of me, to let me take care of myself, to be its/their authentic, truest self/ves.
Last year I walked down street alley long past dark, and that was beyond leaving everything behind and throwing myself out into the world. I still do things like leave my purse, ipod, kindle on my desk at work, even when I'm walking away for an hour or more. I put my entire being here, where you're reading, almost all filterless.
I believe in the inherent goodness of people, to the point where I have to be reminded to be 'careful' or 'sensible' or 'beware.' I cannot recount for you the number of times the number of people who've said the title words for this post, also sighed in disbelief and frustration for what we can call my continued, stubborn walking barefoot into fire believing.
No matter how much I'd been hurt or been given proof. And sometimes I'm glad that parts of me don't change. The trust. The belief. Steady and true. But other things shift slowly after last year, things I'm not willing to do or be as exactly as I had been once. I don't dig up my own doubt and suspicion without long-term irrefutable proofs.
And even then, I'll cast it aside, for a million reasons, for more chances, for more faith and hope and belief.
Maybe there's something to all that. To the fact I never think about it. There is or was no active agent of judgment and choice. I just give it out without thinking. My whole self. My everything. Then I give it out on faith. For them. ....because once it's been trampled to the point I can no longer sanely or smartly exist as innocent beyond the thought, even willfully in accord,
Then everything that is left is sanction to confusion, doubt, disbelief, and hard facts. Nothing is as easy to rebuild, or as effortless as the first time, when each step, even each thought toward a step, is a conscious scale-balancing.