October 2010 -- 12, The Hanged Man
Perhaps what needs to be sacrificed is our ideas about how things should be.
Only when we allow ourselves be in a 'don't know' state can we receive guidance.
What I remember most is how busy I was starting early this month. I would be busy for the next six weekends straight. Dog sitting for my parents, along with a nice young man, which involved driving back and forth half the mornings and nights, around the ten hour work schedule.
RCG, Sacred Well, Witches Lunch, and Grove, all covered Samhain. Sacred Well had class and a large Convention. My Sister's Anniversary.
My month with White hit me with the force of a brick wall from the first second. Like reading my soul placed on paper. I moved through Five Elements through Five Senses in Fire and Water, learning new things about myself. RCG had Crown Chakra, which I helped lead.
The learning curve with Hope made its grand appearance and went less than spectacularly. The world didn't end, but it was nothing like prior events had already been. Disjointed. Unsettling. But, predictable. Causing her to offer an end for my sake; me to think about all of it and me; which the world helped with, too.
I finished reading The Hunger Games in the very beginning of this month, not knowing it would take over everything soon. I fell in love with a new painting, while love with the Fall fell all around me.
The Bank Hijack tried to make its reappearance. And Kraft job two happened. I started on the About Me Meme, fully intending to do it every day.
~*~
I was so busy in this month (and the next half of November) that looking back at it makes me cringe minorly. Grand lesson of the late fall really was don't be busy six weeks in a row, just don't do it. As for The Hanged Man, this is the first of the two cards that I spent two different months in. And it was definitely not the same message in each of them.
I found different communities during this month, that I expanded the reach of my hands and arms to. I found places where I felt so much less than welcome or able to fit into. I was juggling the beginning of Kraft's new job, which wasn't much more than sitting and note taking, and spending a lot of time doing religious events.
I'm beginning to see in my rolling months what My Girl refers to as my Mystical Girl shtick in my astrological chart. I have a tendency really to blow it off as being 'not really much at all' or 'those are just my groups/classes'. Which apparently take up one to two paragraphs of each of these write-ups. I may have to ponder this a lot now.
In certain instances this month had a lot of giving up control and simply accepting things as they were. Trying to be gentle with other people and their way of processing. It also had a lot of emotional upheaval and a little more sacrifice than I care to look at, myself, no less write about. Everything felt like it was in suspended animation, dictated to the calendar's plans and my paychecks.