Goddess Grove Sunday
Mother of Darkness, Mother of Light
Earth Beneath us, Soul in Flight
Songs of Love and Love of Life
Guide us to our heart
I did tell you this Sunday started out with many hours considering not going. As one of many people pointed out, it's incredibly easy to deny yourself anything, even friends and sisters when you suddenly plummet. And I almost didn't go, but I did, which for I owe my love and gratitude to all my sisters, to every person who wrote over the weekend, and the Great Divine.
It didn't help that i thought it was this coming weekend and not the last one, but I still ended up being the first person to arrive. Which gave me time to sit down and talk with Brooke for a while since apparently I looked about as well as I felt. She was wonderful and made me tea, while listening and suggesting magical things. Two cups of chamomile did some wonders all on its own, too.
Not too long long after the girls began to arrive. We'd all been requested to collect water during the week before, and we placed all our containers on the altar (mine, for this event, being in a purple/magenta size knob jar that I'd kept in half-moon window above the long one to the side of my bed, so it could be watched over by the waxing moon). We settled in and then we actually started talking. For a long time.
Playing another long round of much needed catch-up, which was when we talked about the fact this weekend was our Two Year Anniversary as a group, as well. We've all come so far, and these women are so amazingly my sisters, even if I missed out on so many months between helping found it and returning from the Orient. After talking for over an hour and half, we decided to get down to business finally and to do some chanting to get us into the right head space.
We did five, including the chant below my picture at the top. The other four were these. The first two I already knew, and the last two were beautifully brand new
Born of Waters
Born of water
Cleansing, powerful
Healing, Changing
We are.
Sweet Surrender
We are opening up in sweet surrender
To the luminous love light of the one
We are opening up in sweet surrender
To the luminous love light of the one
We are opening, We are opening
We are opening, We are opening
Eight Beads
Girlseed, Bloodflower
Fruitmother, Spinmother
Earthcrone, Stonecrone
Bone
Sister, River, Giver
Sister, River, Giver.....Returning whole
Sister, River, Giver.....Returning whole
Open up, to receive
We are what we believe
Open up, to receive
We are what we believe
Sister, River, Giver.....Returning whole
Sister, River, Giver.....Returning whole
Growing roots like the Trees
We are planting seeds.
Growing roots like the Trees
We are planting seeds.
Sister, River, Giver.....Returning whole
Sister, River, Giver.....Returning whole
Stored in deep, Stories sleep
Within us, These tales we keep
Stored in deep, Stories sleep
Within us, These tales we keep
Sister, River, Giver.....Returning whole
Sister, River, Giver.....Returning whole
Once we'd sunk down deep with our chanting, we passed around a card of Ix Chel, to focus on the Goddess who's messages and magic brought us together for the end of this month.
Once we'd all gotten acquainted with the picture the woman running the day began a long talk about her. About her many waters, leading into how water as a source flows through all of the Chakras and the parts of the body and life effected by the Chakras. Then the many ways in which water is sacred around the world, and the numerous ways how it is used magically by witches. During this time we even swapped personal recipes and advice on things people could do that we each do with water from elixirs to baths.
We listened to a very long double-telling of Ix Chel's mythos stories as a Moon Goddess and a Water Goddess. We took a smallish break and then we gathered to talk about Lammas/Lughnasad. About how this is the first harvest. The triumph of making it through the hardest parts of fallow winter and planting spring and high summer, reaping those benefits joyfully but mindful of the hard work to be done before the next two harvests.
During this time was when we were given the paper, and asked to write our blessings. And the woman running it, my beautiful sister, who watched so close and careful over me as I was so much quieter than ever in group, and drawn up, sitting sort of alone. Though not mute, and not dissassociatively. Just sort of pulled more into myself, into my cloud. And bade me one blessing. What I wrote on my paper, started with the hard sentence that made me sigh.
By the time I hit my first period I felt the dark flood gates break some before a dawning awareness, which gave me these words:
I am home. I am living with my best friend, who knows how to best take care of and spoil me. I am able to have weekly lunches with my mother. My relationship with Gordon actually exists and is not detrimental. I am returned to my religious groups. I have my sister's hands to hold and words to learn from. I am learning to be a Teacher. I am part of a Temple of many. I have been returned to those I used to play with in the right time zones. I have the freedom to make surprises and mistakes. I can travel for both religious pursuits and for friends. I have all my best friends near to me. I am loved, and love. I am growing and healing.
It didn't mind you suddenly part the clouds and give birth the sunshine and rainbows but I felt like I'd literally had my breath taken from me. Like I hadn't at all been thinking about what I did have for this so long extended period where I'd been, and what I'd been telling myself, what I was letting myself believe.
Then i turned the paper over and started with the words I don't have and crossed them out. I didn't want anything on this beautiful piece of paper so filled with my non-appreciated, yet dripping with gold, blessings to be touched by any of that negativity. Not in writing. Not at all. So I closed my eyes and then I wrote very simply in the center of the paper.
I will find a place within this economy and society which will give me rewarding work, both paying my bills as well as challenging who I am while at the same time it fulfills me.
And I closed my eyes and willed myself to believe. Or at least to believe out there in the universe was the path. Somewhere. The one meant for me. That I would find. The same path, that during last year when I was lacking all of the things which I wrote on my blessing pages, I thought couldn't possibly be mine. But they were mine. Freely. Amazingly. Rightly.
So somewhere out there was this one, too.
It worked at least so much as clearing out a little clouds.
We took the smallest of breaks and finally decided to do our ritual for the afternoon. We anointed each other's foreheads in turn. Then We called the elements in a new way with a set of four candles and then with our hands over our hearts to evoke spirit. And then Ix Chel. We cast the circle my favorite way ever, which is going person by person, having them link hands while they say to the next person "From hand to hand this circle is cast."
We did a spell over our water we'd brought, which was very powerful and specific to things I feel personal are a little secretive to me for now. They had to do with the mini-falling of this weekend and to the moon. But I also feel it needs to be left alone and not poked, as my subconscious does frequently, or be talked about yet. (It's still waiting in the top half moon window for me as I speak, stopping to glance at it, having soaked up the full moon and the raging storm of two days.)
There was another thing definitely worth relaying though.
We were finishing up ritual a little faster than normal since our time schedule had gotten off earlier, and somewhere amid releasing the elements one by one there was an accident. I still can't remember exactly how it happened. One moment the woman running it had lifted the yellow candle and the next moment, it had tilted and two people had jumped back, and I'd only had time to half uncross my legs, so my foot got covered in low temperature-burning soy wax.
And the woman was all remorseful and apologizing already, while i'm staring at my one-third covered in yellow foot, and the only thing that comes out with an odd smile is, "It's okay. I'm dedicated to Air for this year anyway."
First there was snickering, and then everyone burst out laughing.
We followed up ritual with eating this fantastic pizza one of the sisters made with me in mind. A completely from scratch corn meal/zucchini crust pizza, covered with fresh vegetables from her garden. It was beyond amazing. So soft and yummy and fit into everyone's. We played a last little round of catch up and then went all our own ways.