Genesis Ripples
One of the very big things about Reiki attunements, whether your attunements are being done by a practitioner to help you or on a practitioner completing their levels, is that it brings you closer and closer to being in alignment with the universal life force energy. It harmonizes and embraces the focal point of who you are into alignment with that of the universal one. And it can have many reactions while it's happening, some of them quite adverse as your body adjusts to the energy attunement.
You'll need liters of water and usually a mass ton of sleep. Sometimes you'll be unable to do things you used to like smoke cigarettes or eat certain types of foods. You'll veer from things your body does not want and veer toward things it suddenly craves or needs.
It's been two months since the last Reiki treatment was done on me. It's been four days since I was given the highest Reiki attunement I could earn. And it's been years since I had my last learning attunement, when I earned my Second Degree. And while I'm skipping physical reactions, I do want to talk about alignment.
About how when in alignment sometimes the dominos all fall into places and the blinds fall away, revealing perfect epiphany's in things you'd stumbled through endlessly before, and how you see so much so clearly suddenly. And so I'm going to share a few of the ones that have come to me in the last five days.
I. such a feeling of complete and utter love
While I was sitting in the hyper energy state amid my class and it's rituals, I had two very very powerful moments. The first I will cover a little in a moment, because it's epiphany parts did not come so fast, only it's clarity. But right after it, as I was still laying or sitting on the floor, at peace with universal white light, I had this thought. So unexpected and unrelated to my day or even my last few weeks, and it stunned me in its vast reaching.
Not about all those people you hear about often. But about My Father.
The man who hurt ( and is hurting) my heart, but he gave me this.
All of this, every cent and scent and heart beat, he gave. This community I have no doors or walls or closets in, that fills my heart and soul and days to its brim so often. That I go to events and camp outs and rituals and do write-ups about. This world with classes and mastery attunements, with people who've adopted me and groups that I help run, sisters than I rely on. This world that is so dearly in my veins, in my healing, in my ever current growth.
And that he gave me that, in my birth, in my childhood, in so many days, and made me fearless and recklessly in love with defending my ability to have it and have it so open. For all of my life. And that no matter where he's gone, or even if maybe he never does come back, there's something deep and big in the fact he gave me it like it was the gift of kissing my forehead when I was three days old and he gave me to Goddess, gave this life to me, what everyone else around me had to struggle to find and claim. Something big enough to hold everything.
Every absence and hurt and joy and miracle.
And that is so very, very big.
II. in the end, we will only just remember how it feels
There is a girl who means the world to me right now, that I do not tell you about often. There are reasons for this of course, and some people notice the subtle, but constant waves of it here or there, and some don't. But she is there. Here. Every day. A lot surprise very dear friend who has in her hands my heart in its best and worst....and also quite a bit more than that as well. She is my Hope.
And she was my very first coherent thought on Sunday evening.
Beautiful and effortless, free of any complications.
But trying to share that, amid the falling down need for mass tons of sleep coming off my attunement, led to just the opposite of it at first. Distress and confusion, exhaustion and embarrassment. Which I didn't help by attempting some six minutes on a phone call in possibly the state of least lucidity that she's ever seen me.
And even when I rolled over to go back to sleep, the whisper of her grief, compounded by the hours of not being able to reach me while I had been unconscious, and the universe poking me in the shoulder, made me pretty sure after the passing of about two minutes, that between the two no good rest could come with that in the tangled skein somewhere. And it led to a rather amazing conversation.
And a truth I've had in my chest, in my heart, in my hands, flickering like a candle I wasn't quite sure I could survive setting on a window ledge by itself, being said to her.
I had it on Heart Chakra day, when I said there was a second message. But I let it go. Let it live, as a whisper from the universe, somewhere out there, untried and untaunted, until it fell unprovocated from my mouth on the shoulder of someone who considers me one of their children on Sunday.
I'm not even sure that was the most important part of it.
The closet lines aligning fastest, even explosively, yet into molten gold. This safest, dearest place, where there are no mistakes inherent to being true to who you are and what you are feeling.
III. god blessed the broken road, that led me straight you
I saw my Reiki Teacher for the first time since Sunday yesterday during the last twenty or so minutes of the Clan's dinner, and at some point while we were discussing stones for the back of phones -- Rose quartz and hematite on a strap -- I pulled out my huge rose quartz chunk I've had in my pocket a little short of two months. Which had led to a comment of me saying I didn't really know why I was carrying it and had been so long, with playing with it and dropping it on things, and never letting go.
Which got a very simple answer from him, "It's healing your heart."
And I think my expression, along with whatever words I had struggled to say then were almost a direct, trying to be hilarious, brush off of that statement. Of the memory of someone else asking me why I was carrying a healing stone, and my just laughing and saying it was fun to play with and felt like it needed keepings. Before my words were broken through as well.
And he touched the top of my breast bone saying, "It's opening."
And that was not ignorable. Nor was the explosive domino line that fell into place seconds after that as I laid my head back down against his arm on the couch, while the dinner conversation swelled up around me.
Two months and eight days, when he gave me my last Reiki zap, I wrote that he'd placed his hand over the center of my chest and told me it was locked and someday you'll have to take care of this. And aside from writing about it again in mid-June at Summer Solstice Ritual for RCG during the healings, which addressed the same huge issues, I left it be. To take its sweet time.
Apparently until the moment he said those two words.
And I looked down at the stone in my hand suddenly.
As thought I might have never seen it these two months.
This stone. This rose quartz that I have carried through everything. That was huge enough to be a toy-sized, meditation-sized, and to take up half my pocket. That was the right stone for Heart Chakra, and for the balanced side of Purple's heart. And the line I wrote on Lammas ribbons that said my heart was broken, both ways. By another and by my own choices.
That I was given, as a universal gift, at Springfest. Springfest. The weekend where my homecoming was finally completed, in the arms of the land and ladies who I'd had to say goodbye to first. The weekend where I was finally done, finally completely full circle, from fourteen months and nineteen. Finally fully home, fully returned to everyone.
From which the first brand new, perfectly here, no longer attached to any bit of there or goodbyes or hellos, nothing but I am home steps could be taken. Where in leaving I was granted this stone that from that weekend refused to be outside of my pocket or purse when it was daytime, or within a foot of me even when I'm sleeping. And I closed my eyes against his arm.
It's healing your heart.
It's opening.
And I laid my hands on my chest last night in dark, after the words I wrote about it, in that rambling exhaustion of everything, still trying to process how big and how obvious and how everywhere and everything it is. And terrifying and miraculous. And how small and simple and universal. All at once. And I whispered to it, through fringing tears, "I'll take care of you. I promise."
You'll need liters of water and usually a mass ton of sleep. Sometimes you'll be unable to do things you used to like smoke cigarettes or eat certain types of foods. You'll veer from things your body does not want and veer toward things it suddenly craves or needs.
It's been two months since the last Reiki treatment was done on me. It's been four days since I was given the highest Reiki attunement I could earn. And it's been years since I had my last learning attunement, when I earned my Second Degree. And while I'm skipping physical reactions, I do want to talk about alignment.
About how when in alignment sometimes the dominos all fall into places and the blinds fall away, revealing perfect epiphany's in things you'd stumbled through endlessly before, and how you see so much so clearly suddenly. And so I'm going to share a few of the ones that have come to me in the last five days.
I. such a feeling of complete and utter love
While I was sitting in the hyper energy state amid my class and it's rituals, I had two very very powerful moments. The first I will cover a little in a moment, because it's epiphany parts did not come so fast, only it's clarity. But right after it, as I was still laying or sitting on the floor, at peace with universal white light, I had this thought. So unexpected and unrelated to my day or even my last few weeks, and it stunned me in its vast reaching.
Not about all those people you hear about often. But about My Father.
The man who hurt ( and is hurting) my heart, but he gave me this.
All of this, every cent and scent and heart beat, he gave. This community I have no doors or walls or closets in, that fills my heart and soul and days to its brim so often. That I go to events and camp outs and rituals and do write-ups about. This world with classes and mastery attunements, with people who've adopted me and groups that I help run, sisters than I rely on. This world that is so dearly in my veins, in my healing, in my ever current growth.
And that he gave me that, in my birth, in my childhood, in so many days, and made me fearless and recklessly in love with defending my ability to have it and have it so open. For all of my life. And that no matter where he's gone, or even if maybe he never does come back, there's something deep and big in the fact he gave me it like it was the gift of kissing my forehead when I was three days old and he gave me to Goddess, gave this life to me, what everyone else around me had to struggle to find and claim. Something big enough to hold everything.
Every absence and hurt and joy and miracle.
And that is so very, very big.
II. in the end, we will only just remember how it feels
There is a girl who means the world to me right now, that I do not tell you about often. There are reasons for this of course, and some people notice the subtle, but constant waves of it here or there, and some don't. But she is there. Here. Every day. A lot surprise very dear friend who has in her hands my heart in its best and worst....and also quite a bit more than that as well. She is my Hope.
And she was my very first coherent thought on Sunday evening.
Beautiful and effortless, free of any complications.
But trying to share that, amid the falling down need for mass tons of sleep coming off my attunement, led to just the opposite of it at first. Distress and confusion, exhaustion and embarrassment. Which I didn't help by attempting some six minutes on a phone call in possibly the state of least lucidity that she's ever seen me.
And even when I rolled over to go back to sleep, the whisper of her grief, compounded by the hours of not being able to reach me while I had been unconscious, and the universe poking me in the shoulder, made me pretty sure after the passing of about two minutes, that between the two no good rest could come with that in the tangled skein somewhere. And it led to a rather amazing conversation.
And a truth I've had in my chest, in my heart, in my hands, flickering like a candle I wasn't quite sure I could survive setting on a window ledge by itself, being said to her.
I had it on Heart Chakra day, when I said there was a second message. But I let it go. Let it live, as a whisper from the universe, somewhere out there, untried and untaunted, until it fell unprovocated from my mouth on the shoulder of someone who considers me one of their children on Sunday.
I'm not even sure that was the most important part of it.
The closet lines aligning fastest, even explosively, yet into molten gold. This safest, dearest place, where there are no mistakes inherent to being true to who you are and what you are feeling.
III. god blessed the broken road, that led me straight you
I saw my Reiki Teacher for the first time since Sunday yesterday during the last twenty or so minutes of the Clan's dinner, and at some point while we were discussing stones for the back of phones -- Rose quartz and hematite on a strap -- I pulled out my huge rose quartz chunk I've had in my pocket a little short of two months. Which had led to a comment of me saying I didn't really know why I was carrying it and had been so long, with playing with it and dropping it on things, and never letting go.
Which got a very simple answer from him, "It's healing your heart."
And I think my expression, along with whatever words I had struggled to say then were almost a direct, trying to be hilarious, brush off of that statement. Of the memory of someone else asking me why I was carrying a healing stone, and my just laughing and saying it was fun to play with and felt like it needed keepings. Before my words were broken through as well.
And he touched the top of my breast bone saying, "It's opening."
And that was not ignorable. Nor was the explosive domino line that fell into place seconds after that as I laid my head back down against his arm on the couch, while the dinner conversation swelled up around me.
Two months and eight days, when he gave me my last Reiki zap, I wrote that he'd placed his hand over the center of my chest and told me it was locked and someday you'll have to take care of this. And aside from writing about it again in mid-June at Summer Solstice Ritual for RCG during the healings, which addressed the same huge issues, I left it be. To take its sweet time.
Apparently until the moment he said those two words.
And I looked down at the stone in my hand suddenly.
As thought I might have never seen it these two months.
This stone. This rose quartz that I have carried through everything. That was huge enough to be a toy-sized, meditation-sized, and to take up half my pocket. That was the right stone for Heart Chakra, and for the balanced side of Purple's heart. And the line I wrote on Lammas ribbons that said my heart was broken, both ways. By another and by my own choices.
That I was given, as a universal gift, at Springfest. Springfest. The weekend where my homecoming was finally completed, in the arms of the land and ladies who I'd had to say goodbye to first. The weekend where I was finally done, finally completely full circle, from fourteen months and nineteen. Finally fully home, fully returned to everyone.
From which the first brand new, perfectly here, no longer attached to any bit of there or goodbyes or hellos, nothing but I am home steps could be taken. Where in leaving I was granted this stone that from that weekend refused to be outside of my pocket or purse when it was daytime, or within a foot of me even when I'm sleeping. And I closed my eyes against his arm.
It's healing your heart.
It's opening.
And I laid my hands on my chest last night in dark, after the words I wrote about it, in that rambling exhaustion of everything, still trying to process how big and how obvious and how everywhere and everything it is. And terrifying and miraculous. And how small and simple and universal. All at once. And I whispered to it, through fringing tears, "I'll take care of you. I promise."