I close up the house, and put my roommate to bed.
So I can sit here and think. Far too late that I should even be awake.
It will detract from the fact I'll be waking up pretty early.
I spent Iron Man 2 staring at my newly pink nails.
It's not that I didn't think the movie had good points. It was good, if by far not as engrossing as its predecessor. I simply have a lot on my mind, and tonight that is almost predominantly work. I shouldn't even say it's 'tonight,' as it's been pretty much all day today and the last few days.
I want Tony's move-out process in the house and the every five minute ping-pong emotional reaction changes to finish, and to turn all my attention to this. Job. Employment. Stability. I hadn't any idea this was suddenly going to happen five days ago. Birthday plans and answering the paralegal phone call was mostly at the forefront Thursday.
I do not begrudge helping Earl, at all, but I'm ready to go back to trying to look forward for myself, too. Hopefully Tony will stay true to his word and all of this will be resolved with one or two trips tomorrow. I want to be here for the end of this, because that does feel important and it will be over quite shortly.
There are certain people who realize how early I start counting things down. If I have numbers I do it. Even if it's vague fuzzy numbers. It's why I refused to let myself have a count down clock in Korea until somewhere in January. It's why people shouldn't let me near clocks or calendars during visits. I will preemptively begin to say goodbye in my head days early, mentioning numbers, to clutch hours and minutes in the way where I'm fully aware of them passing in plans.
Take that and equate it to my headspace every time I open my bank account. Or make a purchase. It might not be a specific day or week but I know when my count down clock is set to end. It's not even anywhere near drastically soon, months off in fact, but I know at which month end all this savings for half a year in Korea will be obliterated. And knowing when my ending is, knowing when any ending is, grows on me like this tiny tightening vice, that I can't help noticing incrementally growing, even by a spec, each day.
I like supporting myself, professionally through my day and financially through my everything. I want something to do with my days that satisfies my need to being doing. Not just sitting here writing, or running errands. Especially now that my time is not filled with helping someone else who needed me. More searching, more resumes, more temp-company, more everything after tomorrow's move-out finishes.
For my daily needs and my personal sense of self, if not my bank account.
It will detract from the fact I'll be waking up pretty early.
I spent Iron Man 2 staring at my newly pink nails.
It's not that I didn't think the movie had good points. It was good, if by far not as engrossing as its predecessor. I simply have a lot on my mind, and tonight that is almost predominantly work. I shouldn't even say it's 'tonight,' as it's been pretty much all day today and the last few days.
I want Tony's move-out process in the house and the every five minute ping-pong emotional reaction changes to finish, and to turn all my attention to this. Job. Employment. Stability. I hadn't any idea this was suddenly going to happen five days ago. Birthday plans and answering the paralegal phone call was mostly at the forefront Thursday.
I do not begrudge helping Earl, at all, but I'm ready to go back to trying to look forward for myself, too. Hopefully Tony will stay true to his word and all of this will be resolved with one or two trips tomorrow. I want to be here for the end of this, because that does feel important and it will be over quite shortly.
There are certain people who realize how early I start counting things down. If I have numbers I do it. Even if it's vague fuzzy numbers. It's why I refused to let myself have a count down clock in Korea until somewhere in January. It's why people shouldn't let me near clocks or calendars during visits. I will preemptively begin to say goodbye in my head days early, mentioning numbers, to clutch hours and minutes in the way where I'm fully aware of them passing in plans.
Take that and equate it to my headspace every time I open my bank account. Or make a purchase. It might not be a specific day or week but I know when my count down clock is set to end. It's not even anywhere near drastically soon, months off in fact, but I know at which month end all this savings for half a year in Korea will be obliterated. And knowing when my ending is, knowing when any ending is, grows on me like this tiny tightening vice, that I can't help noticing incrementally growing, even by a spec, each day.
I like supporting myself, professionally through my day and financially through my everything. I want something to do with my days that satisfies my need to being doing. Not just sitting here writing, or running errands. Especially now that my time is not filled with helping someone else who needed me. More searching, more resumes, more temp-company, more everything after tomorrow's move-out finishes.
For my daily needs and my personal sense of self, if not my bank account.