On Decades
Nothing like getting 'Friended' on Facebook from old HS chums.
Brings about the kind of sensation you might associate with sudden rushes of failure or, the niggling suspicion that you haven't ( not in the least, most remote way) lived up to anyones expectations. Mind you, I don't mind that she 'friended' me as I still think of her fondly and would like to get back in touch with those I was so close to. But, I also remember all those glowing predictions my senior year; future book-signings at Barns and Noble, off-off NYC stage performances, published poems and plays, a fabulous European partner or, living in a massive studio flat with Carl Yonder.
Now, I know I've gone on about this before, but this recent debacle with my Visa leaves me feeling a bit fragile and un-moored...a sensation I don't like and would hope to avoid by my 27th year. I read/perform poems, I audition, even got to perform last summer, no book signing, but I've been recognized time to time from my Globe readings, Jim is a good partner though not ideal for reasons I don't feel like getting into now.
I short, I found myself wondering, as many have since I don't foster the illusion that I am the only one, 'what have I done since then...'
'Have I done enough?' I'm doing more, but its not what they though I would do or be.....'
Okay, actually, the above is rubbish. Who cares what they thought I would do or be. I should focus on what I have done and am doing now. This is SO one of those 21st century maladies that I've discussed time and time and time again. Honestly, I shouldn't fall for it, fall for the artificiall failures that undeservedly shadow my success.
Enough, need to review the tests I'ev prepped for my 3:30 C2 course.....