More Than A Decade Later - I'm Finally Posting My First Livejournal Public Entry
All I can do, if I feel this way, is trust that somewhere in the universe, there's a you that feels the same. - Iain Thomas
Something I just want to share.
I grew up being such a nerdy introvert. I read a lot, played video games, watched cartoons, and my closest friends were my penpal friends. I was just usually indoors.
If I can highlight something during my adolescence, Livejournal played a huge role. I basically hid on this blogging platform-- I vented about my day-to-day, my goals, crushes, the awful realities of middle school and highschool etc. I've met a lot of my pen pals growing up because of Livejournal. I've made a lot of friends on this site. I still prefer being mostly private here. I love sharing my thoughts here. I love that I've met other bloggers here who shared the same sentiment. It is so comforting.
The friends and encouragement I've received here also became the reason why I ended up becoming more open to the 'outside', haha. I suppose that was me trying to 'grow up' and becoming more sociable. I will always be grateful about that. There was a point in my life when I had to stop blogging for awhile and I stopped writing letters. This was when 'real life' events were happening: first job, vocational nursing school, my father's retirement, lost friends, etc were all happening at the same time. Somehow, I found a way to come back and recorded thoughts and feelings of those moments. At the end of every day, it was Livejournal who understood.
There was a reason why I became so secretive, but I've asked myself how long will I be this way? I tried to blog publicly on other platforms but I end up changing the privacy settings from 'public' to 'private' and came back to Livejournal. Recently, I've decided to make it semi-private. I think I will stick to Livejournal for awhile.
It is nice to have something to look back on. It feels like reading old letters that I've written to myself. I remember keeping a diary when I was 7 and a few more up until highschool. I've recorded a lot of my painful experiences and moments when I tried to figure myself out. I've kept journals, continuously started on more journals. I don't recall ever finishing a journal. It doesn't really matter where I wrote my thoughts, but there was a satisfying feeling that I looked for. It was my way of meditating-- writing the first thoughts that came into my mind without stopping. Rereading what I wrote became a way of self-reflecting. (I still meditate though-- the proper way, haha).
I wouldn't be as mentally stable as I am now without Livejournal. Livejournal was my outlet and gave me the same effect when I would express my self on paper. I learned over time that.. for me, to be emotionally strong is to be able to accept and feel pain. It doesn't mean being tough, but I became resilient. Self-acceptance, honesty to one self, and not remaining idle when shit happens.
A decade of blogging experience shaped my way of thinking just by recording my thoughts in a form of Livejournal entries.
I am not good at a lot of things nor am I passionate about many things, but I do want diversity in my life, authentic human connection, and appreciating being alive.
Cheers to another decade, more chapters of my life to record or share, and more connections to be made by reading entries.
Thank you, Livejournal.