there is nothing to fear except fear itself
I don't know why I've been in an update mood lately, but I'm sure it will pass. I can't sleep right now, so I figured what better way to pass time than to sit on the fucking computer, right? I am sooooo cold I am shaking as I write this. My feet are seriously ice and my nipples could cut glass, but what are you going to do?
My stomach has felt like hell for 2 days straight now and I'm not sure what it's from. Either actually being sick or stress, but probably a combination of the two. I hate stress, it eats me alive and right now it's raging it's head like a fucking beast. I hate that panic feeling and I'm suffering terribly from it right now. Between not having a job, being away from home, being sick, and craving the future and the doubt it holds, my body is in overload. I know that I'm stressed out when A) I get sick and/or B) I lose weight at a rapid pace. I could have just gotten sick and lost weight from being sick, but I think that the sickness was brought on by the initial stress of not knowing what tomorrow will bring.
I don't knw why I let things bother me like this. I decided a little while back I was going to stop worrying about stupid shit, I don't know what I was thinking trying to do that. I worry about everything and I really don't know why. Life scares me more than anything; I feel like I have no grasp on what I do in my daily life. I'm afraid for tomorrow, yet I can't wait for it to get here, there's no happy-medium. I've got a long way to go before my days will be secured and I fear that until that time comes, only stress will float above me in a little grey cloud.
I'm too cold to continue any of this, I'm sure I will be back tomorrow, but for tonight, I must try to sleep, considering it is 4:30 in the fucking morning.
Heather
I guess I have to keep in mind "things could be worse"
My stomach has felt like hell for 2 days straight now and I'm not sure what it's from. Either actually being sick or stress, but probably a combination of the two. I hate stress, it eats me alive and right now it's raging it's head like a fucking beast. I hate that panic feeling and I'm suffering terribly from it right now. Between not having a job, being away from home, being sick, and craving the future and the doubt it holds, my body is in overload. I know that I'm stressed out when A) I get sick and/or B) I lose weight at a rapid pace. I could have just gotten sick and lost weight from being sick, but I think that the sickness was brought on by the initial stress of not knowing what tomorrow will bring.
I don't knw why I let things bother me like this. I decided a little while back I was going to stop worrying about stupid shit, I don't know what I was thinking trying to do that. I worry about everything and I really don't know why. Life scares me more than anything; I feel like I have no grasp on what I do in my daily life. I'm afraid for tomorrow, yet I can't wait for it to get here, there's no happy-medium. I've got a long way to go before my days will be secured and I fear that until that time comes, only stress will float above me in a little grey cloud.
I'm too cold to continue any of this, I'm sure I will be back tomorrow, but for tonight, I must try to sleep, considering it is 4:30 in the fucking morning.
Heather
I guess I have to keep in mind "things could be worse"