(no subject)
i rember when i knew what i wanted to do with my life. i rember when i was happy. i rember whenwhen i had confidence. i rember when i fely things. ive realized that ive become numb nothing matters anymore. i used to have confidence and i used to be proud of who i am. none of it matters anymore. i used to think i could write and that was one thing i had going for me and that blew up evry one has shot me down. i used to think i was smart and ive hit barriers that have knocked me off my feet.
i dont know whats next but ive realized i dont have anything going for me anymore. it makes me kind of sad knowing nothing matters anymore. saeeing everything you once loved slowly become unimportant. i know other people have influenced this but im not going to blame them because its all my fault for trusting people that i shouldnt have and trusting that id be happy or things would get better.
i dont want to trust anyone anymore because everyone ive ever thought i could possibly trust had let me down. ive realized that i have too many secrets but i have no1 to tell them to. sometimes i have faith in people im supposibly close to and tell them things,but they always end up using it against me.
im tired of crying i wish i had no more tears left but everytime i think i couldnt possibly cry something even worse happens. i want someone i can trust. you know last summer i was a wreck and i was finally getting everything back together but everytime it seems to be comming together some one comes along and helps me fall apart. last summer i wanted to be numb so everything wouldnt hurts so bad but i guess what they say is right you cant feel pain until you cant feel it anymore. right now i just want to feel something other than sadness. i need someone to talk to, but noone is ever there.
i have one more summer to figure things out and im positive that next year will be different. im going to be different and im probally not going to be friends with a lot of people i am now. right now alls i have to do is get throught 3 weeks then i dont have to put up with anyone for three months(including my sister) the only person i can possibly stant is my brother and i think im a horrible burdan on him. hes always there for me, but theres no one to stick up for him.
i dont know whats next but ive realized i dont have anything going for me anymore. it makes me kind of sad knowing nothing matters anymore. saeeing everything you once loved slowly become unimportant. i know other people have influenced this but im not going to blame them because its all my fault for trusting people that i shouldnt have and trusting that id be happy or things would get better.
i dont want to trust anyone anymore because everyone ive ever thought i could possibly trust had let me down. ive realized that i have too many secrets but i have no1 to tell them to. sometimes i have faith in people im supposibly close to and tell them things,but they always end up using it against me.
im tired of crying i wish i had no more tears left but everytime i think i couldnt possibly cry something even worse happens. i want someone i can trust. you know last summer i was a wreck and i was finally getting everything back together but everytime it seems to be comming together some one comes along and helps me fall apart. last summer i wanted to be numb so everything wouldnt hurts so bad but i guess what they say is right you cant feel pain until you cant feel it anymore. right now i just want to feel something other than sadness. i need someone to talk to, but noone is ever there.
i have one more summer to figure things out and im positive that next year will be different. im going to be different and im probally not going to be friends with a lot of people i am now. right now alls i have to do is get throught 3 weeks then i dont have to put up with anyone for three months(including my sister) the only person i can possibly stant is my brother and i think im a horrible burdan on him. hes always there for me, but theres no one to stick up for him.