February 12th: Lot's of thinking and talking was done today...
... and not all of it happy either. Actually, most of it was not happy. Anyway, our bus was still in the shop this morning (it was back this afternoon, thank god since it was cold and raining then) so we got to ride crack/ghetto bus with has tiny seats, is uncomfortable, bounces, and five paint jobs couldn't cover the entire thing.
School was basically normal today, I didn't know that I was supposed to bring in an empty soda can for us to implode in chemistry class today (you heat it up until a little water in there boils, then dump it in ice cold water really fast so the opening is covered, 'tis very cool). But my partner and I failed to get ours to implode, lack of technique.
In religion class we were debating again today about the death penalty. I said that it was partially our fault that people are in that situation in the first place, some people have a hard time being able to stay in school for various reasons or simply need help and can't get it. One girl told a story (I swear, my class is the only one where you have a speakers list that says pro, con, neutral, and story time) about how her friend died over the summer, really mysteriously too (he was out overnight and the family was told the next morning he was dead) and that she doesn't want the killer to die since she doesn't want their family to go through the same pain. I think it's 50-50 for the families who want death penalty and those who don't, and another girl also made the point that we tell our kids that it was wrong to kill but we kill people anyway. Sounds oxymornic to me!
Oh and apparently my class likes to see me come up and debate and wants me and some of the other good debaters to have a formal one some time. Guess I'm meant to become an orator....
Issues with mom over dinner since I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow (ironic, I'll explain tomorrow) and she expects me to go multiple times. But I don't think it will work, I mean, how am I expected to just pour out my sorrows and troubles to someone I don't even know? I don't get it, and I am always so scared to the point when I KNOW that everyone will judge me. Irrational, possibly, but I can't help it, I feel like I have been hurt to many times.
And I think I was part of the reason A-C started crying today during lunch. It was just, well, it's a story. She is always sleeping in school so it seems like she doesn't get any sleep at home, never does her homework, and well, doesn't seem to care. I asked (god, the more I try to explain it the worse it sounds, bad thing) "Why are you even in school?" since this is an expensive school and, I didn't say this part, if you don't try now, how will you try in college and life beyond that? It makes me so sad/mad when I see people who could do things and don't even try, probably because now I feel like I can only define myself by what I try and do, so seeing the exact opposite of yourself is confusing.
Sigh, and today didn't even feel like such a crappy day until I wrote this down. At least I had FMA to cheer me up (nooooo, cliff-hanger ending AGAIN!).
Signing off.
School was basically normal today, I didn't know that I was supposed to bring in an empty soda can for us to implode in chemistry class today (you heat it up until a little water in there boils, then dump it in ice cold water really fast so the opening is covered, 'tis very cool). But my partner and I failed to get ours to implode, lack of technique.
In religion class we were debating again today about the death penalty. I said that it was partially our fault that people are in that situation in the first place, some people have a hard time being able to stay in school for various reasons or simply need help and can't get it. One girl told a story (I swear, my class is the only one where you have a speakers list that says pro, con, neutral, and story time) about how her friend died over the summer, really mysteriously too (he was out overnight and the family was told the next morning he was dead) and that she doesn't want the killer to die since she doesn't want their family to go through the same pain. I think it's 50-50 for the families who want death penalty and those who don't, and another girl also made the point that we tell our kids that it was wrong to kill but we kill people anyway. Sounds oxymornic to me!
Oh and apparently my class likes to see me come up and debate and wants me and some of the other good debaters to have a formal one some time. Guess I'm meant to become an orator....
Issues with mom over dinner since I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow (ironic, I'll explain tomorrow) and she expects me to go multiple times. But I don't think it will work, I mean, how am I expected to just pour out my sorrows and troubles to someone I don't even know? I don't get it, and I am always so scared to the point when I KNOW that everyone will judge me. Irrational, possibly, but I can't help it, I feel like I have been hurt to many times.
And I think I was part of the reason A-C started crying today during lunch. It was just, well, it's a story. She is always sleeping in school so it seems like she doesn't get any sleep at home, never does her homework, and well, doesn't seem to care. I asked (god, the more I try to explain it the worse it sounds, bad thing) "Why are you even in school?" since this is an expensive school and, I didn't say this part, if you don't try now, how will you try in college and life beyond that? It makes me so sad/mad when I see people who could do things and don't even try, probably because now I feel like I can only define myself by what I try and do, so seeing the exact opposite of yourself is confusing.
Sigh, and today didn't even feel like such a crappy day until I wrote this down. At least I had FMA to cheer me up (nooooo, cliff-hanger ending AGAIN!).
Signing off.