August the 30th: So about getting another review out...
So I said yesterday I would get another review out unless my life got suddenly crazy. Well it did, in the "I have been running around all day, crap crap CRAP," sort of way, thankfully not in the something awful happened day. So I'll probably start the review after this but it won't be up until tomorrow.
How was everything so crazy? Let me tell you by abusing the English language: Public Speaking from 9 to 10 and then I went back to my dorm room for an early lunch+Sherlock Holmes and then it was off to the bookstore to get paper/rubber cement/a lock for art class (and this is carrying my huge ass piece of posterboard, it's 42" by 30" and the only reason I'm carrying it is because my teacher told us to bring it so we can cut it up into the sizes we'll need for class and then can store it in our lockers), off to Japanese from noon to one (and was grumpy that we were doing group work but the people in my corner of the room didn't seem to like working in partners so I am making sure I sit somewhere different next time), run to art class from 1 to 3 where I not only have to try and draw straight lines (I have no idea why but those give me so much trouble) but also have to ask the teacher if he can find a screwdriver so I can open up my dang exacto knife to get the blade in to cut but we also did this counter line drawing of an apple and I hate hate HATE this art style (it's this particular pencil style that I just loathe, I really do want to puke every time I see it so I was ultra grumpy about having to draw in that style, probably because I'd also realized at that point that my lock had the wrong combo), went back to my room to change, returned the tripod, went to drop off my application at the food services office (because, like a good little student I had been told by not one but TWO people that I just needed to fill out the form and then come by this week to see what hours were avaliable and then to go from there, NOT, apparently you need an appointment this week and I was advised to come back Friday morning at 8 am wen the list for next week goes up to grab one since they're all full this week), went to bookstore to return the lock but found out that the guy who could do that was gone for the day, went back to dorm, had a fire drill, grabbed dinner during the fire drill, ate dinner back in dorm, went to knitting club, ended up teaching a ton of people how to knit (seriously, I wasn't expecting to teach six or eight people, thank god two other people came to help out since I ended up having to help two girls who were having a really hard time of it at literally the same time), and then I got back here.
Whew, the job thing is really bugging me too. I don't know if I went into all the details about the library but basically they still don't know even how many people they can hire (the lady I was talking to says it'll probably be only 15 new hires and that's out of 200 or so applications, ffffff) so I went to food services before it got too late there. But now I can't seem to get into the loop there either and I'm feeling just so frustrated. I've never been able to get a job on my own (and I'm not talking about not having connections or something, my part time job at the library was actually my brother's and I still can't believe they let us switch out) and I feel both pissy at the world for being so confusing and pissy at myself for not doing something right. And that's the thing, I have no fucking idea if I'm doing this right or not. I have no idea how often to call or when it's too much, how and when to follow up, or apparently how to even turn in an application. More annoyed at the library now since one of the girls in the knitting club, Elizabeth, does work there and was surprised I hadn't even been able to turn an application in since she had seen sign up sheets or something like that for working at the library recently.
So I say, to hell with all of this. They told me to call back after labor day for the library and to go Friday morning for food services and I'm going to follow up on both of those and bug the heck out of people until they at least notice me. I have FOUR SUMMERS (not sure if I should use years here but I think it's point made) of library experience and both of my references loved me. Look at my damn application, call the numbers and they will say "she can make it work." Hell, I don't mind in the slightest if I'm running around all day helping people or running around all day shelving, I've done both! I hate sounding like this, tooting my own (air)horn and saying I'm the best person for the job but I'm sick of waffling and trying to defer to people around me. It took me years to stop self-hating because that was what you're expected to do but here it is: I'm really damn smart. I'm an incredibly hard worker. I'm amazingly creative. Hell I even look good! Well, got acne trouble right at the this moment but I'm dealing with it and I know how to make my hair and clothes look good on me. But every time I'm given the run around I feel that self-confidence wane and start to worry and I don't want to go back to being a stereotypical, high school protagonist who thinks she's crap and spends the entire flipping book worrying about it.
Can I just be awesome and not have those self doubts, please?
How was everything so crazy? Let me tell you by abusing the English language: Public Speaking from 9 to 10 and then I went back to my dorm room for an early lunch+Sherlock Holmes and then it was off to the bookstore to get paper/rubber cement/a lock for art class (and this is carrying my huge ass piece of posterboard, it's 42" by 30" and the only reason I'm carrying it is because my teacher told us to bring it so we can cut it up into the sizes we'll need for class and then can store it in our lockers), off to Japanese from noon to one (and was grumpy that we were doing group work but the people in my corner of the room didn't seem to like working in partners so I am making sure I sit somewhere different next time), run to art class from 1 to 3 where I not only have to try and draw straight lines (I have no idea why but those give me so much trouble) but also have to ask the teacher if he can find a screwdriver so I can open up my dang exacto knife to get the blade in to cut but we also did this counter line drawing of an apple and I hate hate HATE this art style (it's this particular pencil style that I just loathe, I really do want to puke every time I see it so I was ultra grumpy about having to draw in that style, probably because I'd also realized at that point that my lock had the wrong combo), went back to my room to change, returned the tripod, went to drop off my application at the food services office (because, like a good little student I had been told by not one but TWO people that I just needed to fill out the form and then come by this week to see what hours were avaliable and then to go from there, NOT, apparently you need an appointment this week and I was advised to come back Friday morning at 8 am wen the list for next week goes up to grab one since they're all full this week), went to bookstore to return the lock but found out that the guy who could do that was gone for the day, went back to dorm, had a fire drill, grabbed dinner during the fire drill, ate dinner back in dorm, went to knitting club, ended up teaching a ton of people how to knit (seriously, I wasn't expecting to teach six or eight people, thank god two other people came to help out since I ended up having to help two girls who were having a really hard time of it at literally the same time), and then I got back here.
Whew, the job thing is really bugging me too. I don't know if I went into all the details about the library but basically they still don't know even how many people they can hire (the lady I was talking to says it'll probably be only 15 new hires and that's out of 200 or so applications, ffffff) so I went to food services before it got too late there. But now I can't seem to get into the loop there either and I'm feeling just so frustrated. I've never been able to get a job on my own (and I'm not talking about not having connections or something, my part time job at the library was actually my brother's and I still can't believe they let us switch out) and I feel both pissy at the world for being so confusing and pissy at myself for not doing something right. And that's the thing, I have no fucking idea if I'm doing this right or not. I have no idea how often to call or when it's too much, how and when to follow up, or apparently how to even turn in an application. More annoyed at the library now since one of the girls in the knitting club, Elizabeth, does work there and was surprised I hadn't even been able to turn an application in since she had seen sign up sheets or something like that for working at the library recently.
So I say, to hell with all of this. They told me to call back after labor day for the library and to go Friday morning for food services and I'm going to follow up on both of those and bug the heck out of people until they at least notice me. I have FOUR SUMMERS (not sure if I should use years here but I think it's point made) of library experience and both of my references loved me. Look at my damn application, call the numbers and they will say "she can make it work." Hell, I don't mind in the slightest if I'm running around all day helping people or running around all day shelving, I've done both! I hate sounding like this, tooting my own (air)horn and saying I'm the best person for the job but I'm sick of waffling and trying to defer to people around me. It took me years to stop self-hating because that was what you're expected to do but here it is: I'm really damn smart. I'm an incredibly hard worker. I'm amazingly creative. Hell I even look good! Well, got acne trouble right at the this moment but I'm dealing with it and I know how to make my hair and clothes look good on me. But every time I'm given the run around I feel that self-confidence wane and start to worry and I don't want to go back to being a stereotypical, high school protagonist who thinks she's crap and spends the entire flipping book worrying about it.
Can I just be awesome and not have those self doubts, please?