(no subject)
I feel like I have been in school for the last six months. This is probably because I am working on a show already. Next Wednesday and Thursday we are putting on Flowers For Algernon, which is James' fall studio. I am actually getting sick. That is disgusting. Every time I work on a show at school, I end up sick. My body must have some kind of anti-Rider Hall mechanism that kicks in whenever I spend 3 hours or more a day in the theatre department. Regardless, I am the sound crewhead/voice of the counting machine/cell phone voiceover/projection screen lowerer. I also don't have a script with cues written in. Flying blind, awesome. This is really a theatre week for me--Flowers runs Wednesday and Thursday, and then I have All-State Saturday through Monday.
I still kind of like my classes, which is surprising. There is nothing excessively heinous about any of them. Psych and bio especially have the learn-on-your-own format that I adore. I have been waiting years to, you know, actually learn something outside the box instead of having to compete at being spoonfed. This might all change, but I am hoping it won't.
I am at a very dangerous point in my life right now. I don't know what I want to do with myself. Quit everything and go to U of I for music ed? Get an English degree somewhere and go exploring? What about theatre tech? There are three loves in my life: music, words, and theatre. Now what do I do? In addition to this, what about right now? The relationships I am making, the ones I am losing, the regrets I am full of. I want to run in a thousand different directions at once, I want to say a thousand different things at once, and I don't know how.
This year, I just want to find something out, some small thing. I want something, anything at all to be true about myself. I refuse to wake up purposeless anymore. I hope I have the courage to do this.
I still kind of like my classes, which is surprising. There is nothing excessively heinous about any of them. Psych and bio especially have the learn-on-your-own format that I adore. I have been waiting years to, you know, actually learn something outside the box instead of having to compete at being spoonfed. This might all change, but I am hoping it won't.
I am at a very dangerous point in my life right now. I don't know what I want to do with myself. Quit everything and go to U of I for music ed? Get an English degree somewhere and go exploring? What about theatre tech? There are three loves in my life: music, words, and theatre. Now what do I do? In addition to this, what about right now? The relationships I am making, the ones I am losing, the regrets I am full of. I want to run in a thousand different directions at once, I want to say a thousand different things at once, and I don't know how.
This year, I just want to find something out, some small thing. I want something, anything at all to be true about myself. I refuse to wake up purposeless anymore. I hope I have the courage to do this.