meandering maniacies
blake called, he's a really interesting character in the story, i wonder how things will go with that friendship. I wonder how anyone can deal with me, although reciently the depression has been getting more and more under control. Sammy won't stop calling asking me for crap i don't have to give her! I'm so fed up with her and all her shit. I don't want a fuck buddy, i want a partner, i want a friend, i don't want someone who's going to use me. I'm so tired of being a nice guy, i'm so tired of giving and being taken advantage of.
briley, my nephew is sooo cool, he's getting so much smarter, and as he grows i feel my strength grow. I feel the pain and depression lessen, i feel the strength grow inside me, filling me with the warmth of a childs love. I never wanted children, i never wanted to bring a child into this horrible world.. Briley taught me that it's not bringing a child into the world; it's giving the world to a beautiful child. As they grow you see the love you've given them and get that love a thousand fold in return. Love unlike any i've ever recieved, greater than the love of family or my parents, he loves me undieingly, he loves me without doubt questioning or reason. He loves me because i love him... wow something so simple so very complex.
ya i know i sound stupid, talking about such simple things but still i'm amazed.
jack is happy. wow. such an amazing thing. i was reading alot of really depressing old conversations with my ex. and i came across some old letters from jack. it was good remembering. It hurt very very bad
the pain was so intense to read Her words, loving me, being there with me. All my old friends, all my old poetry, all my old ideas. It's odd how things evolve for me. Changing always and yet staying the same all the while.
bob comes over all the time. he's becoming one of my best friends. saddly he's even taking a big place jack used to fill. Since jack came back he's been so distant. Now that he's with someone he's even further away.
bob doesn't even see my pain or let it upset him. i don't understand it, but i've realized that one of my biggest problems has been that i have an urge to know everything, to understand it all. And being that i have never been able to understand my pain, it drives me insane. bob has been what i've always wanted in a friend, just to be a friend, call me every day or so and hang out. Saddly noone else calls anymore, noone comes around. It's been very lonely, Quin, my shepard, and briley have been my mine companions for too long. May is in the other room bitching about me not having a job, i've got one waiting i just need to be processed and have everything delt with. So much to think about so much to understand so many reasons so many things so many questions and ways throughout life.
sf
be good, if you can't be good be better....
briley, my nephew is sooo cool, he's getting so much smarter, and as he grows i feel my strength grow. I feel the pain and depression lessen, i feel the strength grow inside me, filling me with the warmth of a childs love. I never wanted children, i never wanted to bring a child into this horrible world.. Briley taught me that it's not bringing a child into the world; it's giving the world to a beautiful child. As they grow you see the love you've given them and get that love a thousand fold in return. Love unlike any i've ever recieved, greater than the love of family or my parents, he loves me undieingly, he loves me without doubt questioning or reason. He loves me because i love him... wow something so simple so very complex.
ya i know i sound stupid, talking about such simple things but still i'm amazed.
jack is happy. wow. such an amazing thing. i was reading alot of really depressing old conversations with my ex. and i came across some old letters from jack. it was good remembering. It hurt very very bad
the pain was so intense to read Her words, loving me, being there with me. All my old friends, all my old poetry, all my old ideas. It's odd how things evolve for me. Changing always and yet staying the same all the while.
bob comes over all the time. he's becoming one of my best friends. saddly he's even taking a big place jack used to fill. Since jack came back he's been so distant. Now that he's with someone he's even further away.
bob doesn't even see my pain or let it upset him. i don't understand it, but i've realized that one of my biggest problems has been that i have an urge to know everything, to understand it all. And being that i have never been able to understand my pain, it drives me insane. bob has been what i've always wanted in a friend, just to be a friend, call me every day or so and hang out. Saddly noone else calls anymore, noone comes around. It's been very lonely, Quin, my shepard, and briley have been my mine companions for too long. May is in the other room bitching about me not having a job, i've got one waiting i just need to be processed and have everything delt with. So much to think about so much to understand so many reasons so many things so many questions and ways throughout life.
sf
be good, if you can't be good be better....