futility

[wandering_vox]

ever been in love? ever care? i know i have... to fucking mych to mych. i don't want to try anymore, cause all i feel is pain and there's nothing else. why keep trying when you know eventually everyone will hate you. for they always seem to

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[nvr_wana_lose_u]

[x] noone know's this pain i feel. because it's not even pain, it's the Nothing, the all ocnsuming pain that is my soul eating at my world driving me to a ever deepening darkening hole.[x]

honey. i know this pain. i know what your talkin about. im right up your alley.
about ayear ago me and my first-and only- love broke up. he was my first everything. my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first everything. i even had sex with him for the first time.

love is hard to let go of, yes, but letting go of FIRST loves- thats hell honey. like i said. we broke up almost a year ago and i still love him with all my soul. but now hes engaged to what used to be my best friend. and now were all friends. still every time i see him, my heart melts and i just wanna plunge myslef into his arms and just have him hold me like old times.but i dont. and what stopps me is the ring on her finger. i know that they will probably be together for a while. and ill never get a chancew wiht him. thats why im so heavy. right after we broke up i put on 40 lb's and then i went bulemic. and i lost 20 then i started binging and never stopped. and thats why i am this size. acause im always eating. i look for love in food. and i know thats what i do. thats my disorder. but i need you to understand that. you WILL love again. you just gotta let it happen. you gotta open up honey. be happy.im here to talk. love yah.